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  • Twenty years ago, Hampton DeVille was formed when my company merged with another company owned by a one Parker Hampton.

  • Now, he and I could never see eye to eye.

  • Hampton is 5'2" and blind.

  • I'll spare you the details. Suffice to say, he and I got into a petty disagreement over a measly 1 million dollars.

  • Now, Hampton was raised poor, so he is always counting nickels and cents like some Dickensian penny pincher even after he was a billionaire many times over.

  • The miserable little prick has made it clear that if I don't pay him that million dollars, he's going to come after me with all he's got.

  • So, I need you boys to deliver this briefcase to him at the DeVille Suites in Jackson Lake, six hours north.

  • Now, this is extremely important to me.

  • I care about this more than...

  • Hmm...

  • - Family? - No, not family.

  • - Friends? - I'm more of a "Seinfeld" guy.

  • - Oh, this is so hard. - Yeah.

  • - What is important in life? The, uh... - The power of seduction?

  • - No. - I kind of care about football because it's the only thing I can talk about with my father.

  • Gourmet dining?

  • Oh, I'll give it some more thought.

  • The point is...

  • Don't f*** this up.

  • Okay, but what happens if we do?

  • Jesus.

  • Combos? Really, Jake?

  • Don't judge me; I'm in vacation mode.

  • Some people cheat on their significant others while they're out of town.

  • I eat Combos.

  • I got a Lotto scratcher as well.

  • Well, there goes 2 dollars you'll never get back.

  • Wait, what? It's never coming back?

  • Oh, no! My 2 dollars!

  • Well, if you don't start thinking about these things now, you won't have any money for retirement.

  • How will I be able to retire now? I'm so worried! I'll have to work till long after I'm dead!

  • Oh, uh, no, thanks. We got it.

  • Oh, no problem, sir.

  • Have a great stay.

  • You've got to stay on your toes.

  • If you're not careful, hotels will bleed you dry.

  • - I was gonna tip her. - Jesus Christ, man.

  • The whole point of hotels is to make other people do stuff for you.

  • It's like being a kid before you realize your parents are human beings and you're destroying their lives.

  • Here are your keys, and all I need now is a credit card.

  • Wait, I thought the room was paid for.

  • Yes, the card covers you in case of incidentals.

  • For example, you might incidentally enjoy some of our hotel's top-shelf pornography,

  • or you might incidentally destroy one of our fine toilets.

  • We're on vacation; maybe we'll do both.

  • Jake, could you give him your credit card?

  • I drove!

  • You're gonna be okay, buddy.

  • Who's my big boy?

  • - I'm your big boy. - Correct.

  • Oh, and there's a note here for you from someone named Hampton.

  • I've been delayed. I will meet you tomorrow morning at 9:30 sharp in the Business Center. Hampton

  • Sweet.

  • We have the whole night to ourselves.

  • Hey, where's the luggage? Where's the briefcase?

  • I got them right here, sir.

  • You slick f***.

  • Elevator's this way, gentlemen.

  • I drove, so you're tipping her.

Twenty years ago, Hampton DeVille was formed when my company merged with another company owned by a one Parker Hampton.

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B1 hampton briefcase card big boy credit card jake

A Very Sensitive Business Matter - Corporate

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/02/04
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