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Twenty years ago, Hampton DeVille was formed when my company merged with another company owned by a one Parker Hampton.
Now, he and I could never see eye to eye.
Hampton is 5'2" and blind.
I'll spare you the details. Suffice to say, he and I got into a petty disagreement over a measly 1 million dollars.
Now, Hampton was raised poor, so he is always counting nickels and cents like some Dickensian penny pincher even after he was a billionaire many times over.
The miserable little prick has made it clear that if I don't pay him that million dollars, he's going to come after me with all he's got.
So, I need you boys to deliver this briefcase to him at the DeVille Suites in Jackson Lake, six hours north.
Now, this is extremely important to me.
I care about this more than...
Hmm...
- Family? - No, not family.
- Friends? - I'm more of a "Seinfeld" guy.
- Oh, this is so hard. - Yeah.
- What is important in life? The, uh... - The power of seduction?
- No. - I kind of care about football because it's the only thing I can talk about with my father.
Gourmet dining?
Oh, I'll give it some more thought.
The point is...
Don't f*** this up.
Okay, but what happens if we do?
Jesus.
Combos? Really, Jake?
Don't judge me; I'm in vacation mode.
Some people cheat on their significant others while they're out of town.
I eat Combos.
I got a Lotto scratcher as well.
Well, there goes 2 dollars you'll never get back.
Wait, what? It's never coming back?
Oh, no! My 2 dollars!
Well, if you don't start thinking about these things now, you won't have any money for retirement.
How will I be able to retire now? I'm so worried! I'll have to work till long after I'm dead!
Oh, uh, no, thanks. We got it.
Oh, no problem, sir.
Have a great stay.
You've got to stay on your toes.
If you're not careful, hotels will bleed you dry.
- I was gonna tip her. - Jesus Christ, man.
The whole point of hotels is to make other people do stuff for you.
It's like being a kid before you realize your parents are human beings and you're destroying their lives.
Here are your keys, and all I need now is a credit card.
Wait, I thought the room was paid for.
Yes, the card covers you in case of incidentals.
For example, you might incidentally enjoy some of our hotel's top-shelf pornography,
or you might incidentally destroy one of our fine toilets.
We're on vacation; maybe we'll do both.
Jake, could you give him your credit card?
I drove!
You're gonna be okay, buddy.
Who's my big boy?
- I'm your big boy. - Correct.
Oh, and there's a note here for you from someone named Hampton.
I've been delayed. I will meet you tomorrow morning at 9:30 sharp in the Business Center. Hampton
Sweet.
We have the whole night to ourselves.
Hey, where's the luggage? Where's the briefcase?
I got them right here, sir.
You slick f***.
Elevator's this way, gentlemen.
I drove, so you're tipping her.
