Name: 【TED】Tammy Lally: Let's get honest about our money problems (Let's get honest about our money problems | Tammy Lally)
Uploaded: 2018-09-21T21:15:55.000Z
Duration: 12 min 31 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Modal verbs - A2

Have you every had to break your family's rules?

Present continuous

In 2006, on my brother Keith's 40th birthday, he called.

This wasn't the first time he needed quick cash,

I had never heard him so beaten down and shameful,

After a few basic questions that we would all ask,

I agreed to loan him the money, but under one condition:

that as the financial professional in the family,

Weeks later, we met at the local Starbucks,

and I started right in with the tough-love budget conversation.

"You should sell the house, downsize to something you can afford,

You know, all the trappings that we do to keep up with the Joneses.

Quickly, my brother and his wife went into a fearsome blame game,

I vacillated between therapist and pissed-off sister.

"Come on, you two. Get your shit together.

In fact, he was hurt and felt ganged-up on.

Of course he did. I shamed him with my tough-love budget conversation.

Two months went by when I received a call.

Days later, at his home, I went looking for answers,

There, I found a stack of overdue credit card bills

and a foreclosure notice served to him on the day that he died.

My brother left behind his beautiful 10-year-old daughter,

his brilliant 18-year-old son, weeks before his high school graduation,

My brother was caught in our family's money-shame cycle,

were present in nearly 40 percent of the deaths,

with white middle-aged men accounting for seven out of 10 suicides.

is that our self-destructive and self-defeating financial behaviors

are not driven by our rational, logical minds.

Instead, they are a product of our subconscious belief systems

they shape the way that we deal with money our entire adult lives,

and so many of you are left believing that you're lazy,

crazy or stupid -- or just bad with money.

Dr. Brené Brown, a well-known shame researcher,

defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience

and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."

Based on this definition, here's how I'm defining money shame:

"the intensely painful feeling or experience

and therefore unworthy of love and belonging,

Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean.

whether you earn 10,000 dollars a year or 10 million,

and it's because we give money all of our power.

Here's what it would look like if someone that you love, or you,

They play the big shot, always picking up the check,

but they live in a state of chronic not-enoughness.

They drive a Mercedes, but their budget really only can afford a Honda.

I know that we can break free from the grips of money shame,

Shortly after my brother's death, the Recession hit.

I stayed in my home for a year, thinking I did something wrong,

told myself, "What did you do? What happened?"

I stayed silent, while all along, I went outside and smiled.

So what I had to do was let go of the grip that I had

and I had to give up the idea that a new financial plan

Subtitles ListPlay Video

【TED】Tammy Lally: Let's get honest about our money problems (Let's get honest about our money problems | Tammy Lally)

chronic

tough

experience

compassion