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  • HEY ENGLAND!

  • For the entirity of this video, I'm going to be calling this sport "Football"

  • and this sport "Soccer", okay?

  • (BRITISH ACCENT) Well blimey mate, we got a cheeky bugger here. We do we do.

  • Well Pip Pop Cheerio, hope if Stiffy Wanks and Knockers

  • GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

  • (Laughs)

  • (Inhales)

  • What did I just say?

  • (Laughs)

  • So... The theme of this video,

  • Sports.

  • Either you love 'em or you hate 'em.

  • Or you have some other third opinion.

  • Growing up, my family was never big on sports.

  • We never watched any games on the telly...

  • Oops, sorry, I still got some British in me.

  • ...and me and my dad never went out and played catch,

  • he also never taught me how to shave.

  • He was gone a lot.

  • He always talked about Heather.

  • Okay, but I did played soccer for a couple years when I was like seven.

  • I was on the Green Team.

  • Sports at that age, aren't even like... sports.

  • It's just parents wanting you to go outside more.

  • Being a goalie on a soccer team when your that age is super stressful.

  • The whole team is counting on you.

  • Even stopping a ball that gently rolled towards you is difficult.

  • One time, the other team we were playing was so sucky

  • that all the players spent the whole game on their half of the field.

  • And I was the goalie for my team,

  • and I remember just sitting down and picking at the grass.

  • Soccer is the only sport that I've been on a team for.

  • Well, I mean, I'm not counting the track tream that I was on for only two days.

  • There's this kid I mentioned a long time ago in my boy scout video named Micah,

  • now he was a soccer fanatic.

  • I wonder what he's doing.

  • OKAY ENGLAND! We have this holiday called Thanksgiving.

  • We celebrate it because it's when we left your lame country.

  • Don't ask what we did next.

  • So, on Thanksgiving, for some reason, it a tradition to play football before you go and eat food.

  • So while the ladies stay inside and cook the meal,

  • the men go outside and throw the pigskin around.

  • (Laughs) I'm just kidding you guys, I'm not a sexist.

  • But I mean, that is what happens.

  • So one time during Thanksgiving, I was a little kid, like 11 or 12,

  • and I was playing football with my dad and his other 40 year old friends.

  • So me, being the littlest, I wasn't particularly the best player,

  • but, while we were playing, I freaking caught the ball.

  • I caught it!

  • And then I just started booking it across the field.

  • I've probably never ran so quickly my entire life.

  • And I actually made it. I scored a home run!

  • WHOOOO!!!

  • And that, to me was such a pivotal point in my life.

  • I felt so accomplished!

  • Me, a little kid, scored a goal against a bunch of adults.

  • I would think back to it if I was ever feeling sad, like,

  • "Oh, I failed this Math Test, but uh...

  • (Smirks) one time I scored a basket against a bunch of adults when I was 12."

  • But I remember I was a senior in High School

  • and I was just driving and then the thought came to me...

  • they probably let me score that Touchdown.

  • They were going easy on me.

  • MAN GROWING UP SUCKS!

  • I was never all that competitive as a child.

  • Well... okay, I was never competitive when it came to sports.

  • IT'S JUST A GAME GUYS, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FUN!!!

  • WINNING NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!!

  • Sports are good at that age though.

  • They promote physical activity, you can make friends,

  • you might like the sport and want to pursue it more,

  • and it's not a big deal if you suck.

  • I'm totally making my future kid play a sport.

  • That is, if I have kids.

  • What if I die alone?

  • People make the comparison that some people watch gaming channels

  • for the same reasons that others watch sports.

  • "You're watching someone play a video game?

  • Why do you watch someone play, when you can just go to the computer and play it yourself!"

  • Now replace the word "Video Game" with "Sport"

  • and "Outside" with "Computer".

  • and it's the same thing.

  • LoadingArtist made a very good comic about... the point I'm trying to make...

  • I'll just read it.

  • "What are you doing?"

  • "Watching this guy play a game. It's pretty funny."

  • "Wait, so you aren't even playing?"

  • "Yeesh, what a waste of time."

  • And then he goes and watches a sports game.

  • Man, LoadingArtist is so much cooler than me.

  • I've said this before, but he was such a big inspiration to me when I was first starting out.

  • I just wanted to say that again.

  • GO READ ALL OF HIS COMICS RIGHT NOW!

  • I just want to say it's fine if you watch sports.

  • Granted, I won't watch them with you

  • BECAUSE THEY'RE INCREDIBLY BORING!

  • You want to know why gaming channels work?

  • It's because they play different games.

  • Even CaptainSparklez, who mostly plays Minecraft, and also, who I LOVE by the way...

  • And I did buy a t-shirt to prove my point, but it's still in the mail.

  • See, look, I bought a T-shirt and I bought sunglasses right here.

  • So I just want to give a big shout out to TheMakerShop.com

  • whose taking a million years to shipping my CaptainSparklez shirt.

  • It was going to be so cool. I was gonna say,

  • "I bought a T-shirt to prove my point."

  • And then I was gonna flick the sunglasses, that I also bought, down.

  • (Whispers) Notice me, Senpai.

  • This email says it's gonna take 3 to 7 business days to ship.

  • Well yesterday was the 13th business day.

  • So- so wha- wha- wha- what is it Jordan, 7 or 13?

  • So I bought this, just so I have something physical to show my love for CaptainSparklez.

  • I've been watching all of his videos since TNT.

  • Oh, he's changed it.

  • (♫♫♫)

  • But the point is...

  • He changes around the format and the rules of his "Let's Plays" with all the different maps he plays.

  • It's different for every video.

  • Even his role-playing ones, which I'm still waiting for part 5 to come out.

  • Like, imagine there is a gaming channel that only played the first Super Mario game.

  • It might be fun to watch at first, especially if you're good at playing the game,

  • and it might be fun to watch how other people play it, and... see what they do.

  • BUT FOR FIFTY YEARS???

  • Don't you think that will get a little boring after a while?

  • I mean only so much can happen.

  • AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK SPORTS IS LIKE!... Sometimes.

  • It's the same game, same rules.

  • Over and over and over.

  • Like, spice some things up once in a while.

  • What if for basketball, there were like, mystery boxes, like in MarioKart

  • and you can grab them and that would give you an advantage.

  • How about if a team is losing, they get some wacky, hilarious handicap

  • depending on how far behind they are, so it's not hopeless for them.

  • "But James, sports is supposed to measure your talent."

  • (Gibberish)

  • WHATEVER!

  • It gets boring to watch.

  • I can understand if the teams are neck and neck

  • and it comes down to one final play, like what it does in every sports movie.

  • That's why they have to use that plot device in all the sports movies to make it interesting!

  • But a lot of times, sports aren't like that.

  • Like if one team is leading by 50 points, why even bother watching the last 5 minutes of the game?

  • I would rather watch any Air Bud movie than a sports game

  • because stuff actually happens in those movies, and they're different each time!

  • And there's a dog wearing shoes in it.

  • I just want to say, for the record,

  • If my kid grew up to be a professional athlete,

  • THEN I'll watch sports.

  • But only the games that they play in

  • and only the games that are intresting.

  • UGH! Why is it socially acceptable to know everything about sports and dressup?

  • But it isn't acceptable to dress up in fur suits and go to cons?

  • You see, I- I don't think it's acceptable to do either of those things.

  • You're both weird.

  • But don't let me stop you.

  • You do you.

  • Follow your dreams.

  • Okay let's talk about some stories.

  • In grade school, I was put into the honor's classes for my academic achievement

  • which, did not help me whatsoever.

  • It probably hurt me when I went to college.

  • But that's not what were talking about.

  • Anyway, so during recess, the whole class would play kickball.

  • Kickball's a fun sport, anyone can play it.

  • but it takes a pro to be...

  • ...good at it.

  • What?

  • There was this girl in my class who was the best kickball player

  • and then later, when she grew up, she became the valedictorian at my high school

  • and... went to Harvard.

  • I'm proud of her.