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  • -I'm pregnant.

  • -Mmh.

  • -Erh.

  • -Hi, Zandy, honey.

  • -Oh, hey.

  • -How are you?

  • -I'm good.

  • -So I got you these flowers.

  • -Oh, thank you.

  • -And Chinese food, your favorite.

  • Who ordered pork?

  • -Yeah.

  • Um, I'm actually not hungry.

  • I'm gonna go take a shower.

  • There's some leftovers in the fridge--

  • -Well, I have the Chinese food.

  • -(SHOUTING) You know what, David?

  • Do whatever.

  • It's a free country.

  • -Oh!

  • -Zandy, what is the matter with you?

  • -OK.

  • Look, David.

  • Do you remember when I told you that I was pregnant?

  • -Yes, of course.

  • -Well, I'm not.

  • It was psychosomatic.

  • I must have imagined it.

  • -But what about the blood tests and the ultrasound and

  • the heartbeat--

  • -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • It was all in my head.

  • -How is it that you're so--

  • -Oh, great.

  • I'm having a bad enough day, and now you tell me I'm fat?

  • Thanks a lot.

  • -But you really seem like--

  • -You know what, David?

  • I think we should stop seeing each other.

  • -Why?

  • -Because, David, we have such a good friendship.

  • I don't want to ruin that.

  • -But we've been dating for a year.

  • We live together.

  • -And to me, you're just a really good friend.

  • -But when we have sex--

  • -I close my eyes and I pretend you're Larry Gold.

  • -So why aren't you dating Larry Gold?

  • -Well, he's married.

  • And he's my dentist, and I don't shit where I eat.

  • And he's 89.

  • A sharp knife cuts clean.

  • Sorry it didn't work out.

  • Bye.

  • -Zandy.

  • -I just can't believe it.

  • I'm in so much pain.

  • -That really sucks, David.

  • You know, we're here for you.

  • -Thanks, guys.

  • -But we have to scoot.

  • We have a dinner.

  • -Is it something I can tag along to, or?

  • -Not really.

  • We're-- we're setting up Zandy with an architect friend of

  • ours.

  • -Really?

  • -Yeah, you both gotta move on, David.

  • And Zandy deserves the best.

  • And Stefano's wealthy, good-looking, cultured.

  • You're none of those things.

  • Or, well--

  • you know what I mean.

  • You both gotta move on, David.

  • -Margie.

  • David Wain.

  • Hey, Margie.

  • How's it going?

  • -Well, this is a surprise.

  • I thought I would never see you again after we went on

  • that blind date, and then you locked me in the bathroom and

  • never came back.

  • -Oh, it's sort of funny--

  • -David, stop.

  • What are you doing?

  • -What's the matter, baby?

  • -What--

  • I'm a human being.

  • I'm not some drunken frat girl.

  • -So what frat are you in?

  • -Oh, I'm in that one by the quad where people study and

  • play Frisbee and gain weight.

  • -Oh, you mean AD Phi.

  • -Right.

  • That one.

  • -That's an awesome one.

  • -Right.

  • Let's make out already.

  • -OK.

  • -Ah, oh god.

  • Ew.

  • Ugh.

  • Jesus Christ.

  • -Will you tell Michael Ian Black I'm in love with him?

  • [MUSIC - BEETHOVEN, "MOONLIGHT SONATA"]

  • [BRASS BAND MUSIC]

  • -David?

  • -Oh, hey.

  • How you doing?

  • -Good.

  • How are you?

  • -I've been really good.

  • -Good.

  • -Doing a lot of Bikram yoga, Tai Chi, Reiki, acupuncture,

  • holistic medicine, crystal, numerology, meditation, Wicca,

  • Rolfing, auras, necrophilia, Tarot cards, vitamins,

  • astrology, incense, wheat grass, hemophilia, Krav Maga,

  • sustainability, veganism, and tobogganing.

  • But how about you?

  • How are things going with Stefano?

  • -Oh, I dumped him.

  • Yeah, I was always talking about you.

  • Plus he smelled like Euro Disney.

  • No, no, no, no, no!

  • David, David.

  • I don't like the way you smell either.

  • I just think that we're meant to be really good friends.

  • -Of course we are.

  • -So we're back to the way things were?

  • -Absolutely.

  • Everything's reset.

  • We're not together anymore, you're no longer pregnant, and

  • we're going to be the best of friends.

  • -And you'll keep searching for the love of your life, having

  • a few laughs along the way.

-I'm pregnant.

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B1 david zandy chinese food pregnant margie gotta move

Wainy Days #11: Zandy - REMASTERED!

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    紅謹 posted on 2013/04/21
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