Name: Heal In 10: How to Use Anger to HEAL Instead of HARM w/ Dr. Gabor Maté
Uploaded: 2026-02-28T13:20:21.000Z
Duration: 10 min 51 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

The immune system and emotional system have the same job and they're not one system.

Adverbs of manner

So when something happens emotionally, it also affects the immune system.

So when people suppress their emotions, they're also messing with their immune system.

And that's why people develop autoimmune disease or other problems.

Not blaming anybody for this because nobody does deliberately or consciously.

And so like, like I said about your mom once, I know that she has a certain medical condition, the computer will tell you their personalities.

It's how they're conditioned in childhood.

So when you say you have to learn your boundaries.

You think as a one day old baby you didn't know your boundaries.

Do you think, what, as a one day old baby did you think you, you know, you think you didn't know your boundaries?

Somebody tried to feed you something you didn't want, you'd go, oh, good point.

And, and then a one and a half year old kid is.

It's the first word they say which is a boundary defense.

So it's in our nature to have boundaries anyway, every animal has them and something happens, so we have to suppress it.

And so that's why in midlife or later on then we have to find out or figure out our boundaries.

In theory, in therapy, because we had to suppress them in childhood.

How do you know, though, how to let that, that anger out healthily?

Because, you know, I know that in December I was really hurt by somebody in my life.

And I've been meditating this last year and really trying to, you know, focus on my healing and all that.

And I've been in such a good place, right.

So this person hurts me so badly, completely shocks me out of nowhere, breaks my heart.

And then I said, well, this is their loss because, oh, what kind of friend I am.

It didn't mean, it didn't hurt me and it didn't keep coming in my thoughts.

But I, I released and then soon after was like, okay, forgive that person.

I know they're not healthy mentally and that this is probably just them taking it out on me.

And I know that a lot of people are probably going through things like this.

I'm going to explain it in these details, but.

But I also thought that the Zen thing to do is not to think about it and.

What is the way to handle something like that?

And fight, or are you just supposed to, you know.

Well, so first of all, I don't know that I agree with you about the Zen thing, you know, because the Buddha.

When you look at the Buddha's teachings, he didn't say, don't be angry.

He said, when you're angry, be aware of it.

So he said that he was talking to his monks, the bhikkhus.

He says the bhikkhu is the, you know, the female monks.

And he says, say when the bhikkhu is angry, he says, there's anger in me.

When the monk experiences joy, he says, there's joy in me.

Much of the expressions of anger, they don't come with awareness.

It's like you put like, you know, I used to be a rageaholic.

Really, I did, you know, and that hurt my kids.

And, and I don't mean that physically hurt them, but they witnessed my rages, you know, and

And then anger just bursts out of me like out of a volcano.

if I'm aware that there's anger in me, then if somebody does something that's hurtful, I can say, this makes me angry.

That's all, you know, so it's no big display.

It doesn't have to be dramatic, you know, it's just appropriate to the situation.

But it's, no, you will not do that to me.

You will not speak to me that way, whatever it is.

So healthy anger is very simple, and it's in the moment, and once it's over, it's over.

Like, if I intrude on your space somehow, you say, no, you will not do that.

And once I've backed off, you don't have to keep being angry with me.

You may not want to see me again, or you may choose to see me again.

But the anger doesn't have to keep percolating inside you.

That's the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger is that healthy anger is a boundary defense in the moment when it's expressed, done its job, it's over.

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Heal In 10: How to Use Anger to HEAL Instead of HARM w/ Dr. Gabor Maté

immune

depression

deliberately

experience