Name: 怎樣說話才能獲得別人的信任？► 關鍵在於這兩件事情... - 凡妮莎‧范‧愛德華茲 Vanessa Van Edwards（中英字幕）
Uploaded: 2025-05-21T09:46:14.000Z
Duration: 4 min 19 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Adverbs of degree

There's a mistake that happens with very smart people.

And so they come into interaction on a video call.

So they mentioned accolades and numbers and fancy facts and rehearsed answers.

And people will see them as impressive, capable, powerful, but cold, intimidating, hard to talk to.

And so and this is what the research found, competence without warmth leaves people feeling suspicious.

As humans, when we first meet another human, the very first question we ask about them is, can I trust you?

Right, so like from across the room, on a video call, in an email, we are looking, can I trust you?

Are you on my side, are you a threat, can I, can I make sure that I'm not going to be at harm?

Not just physical harm, but even like emotional harm.

The next question we answer, and it is the next question is, can I rely on you?

When we look at words, I love power word choice, what research finds is when we read words like collaborate.

When we read words like power, we are more likely to be powerful.

So here's what they did, they had participants come into the lab, and they gave them like um a quiz, like a math test they had to solve.

One set of participants got a set of directions that was very simple, it said, please take this test, take your time, answer all the questions correctly.

The second group got the same set of directions, but they sprinkled in a couple of high achievement words or achievement oriented words.

So achievement oriented words are like win, succeed, master, achieve.

They wanted to know if just adding in a couple of achievement oriented words would change participants behavior.

Just those achievement oriented words made them get more answers right.

So it actually changed their performance.

In other words, reading the word win makes you think more like a winner, it changes your physiology to be more like a winner.

Second, that's where I think gets more interesting, it doubled, doubled their desire to work on the task.

So it made them work on the quiz longer and it made them enjoy working on the quiz.

And lastly it actually changed our physiology.

So when we read words like this, it actually changes how we think and how we feel.

If you open up your last five sent emails to important people, only the important ones.

And you count the number of warm words you're using and the number of competent words you're using, you will see exactly how you're coming across to others.

That the best thing you can do is open with warmth, hit them with competence and end with purpose.

If you've ever been in a meeting and you blanked out, you want to give yourself a distancing behavior or gift yourself a distancing behavior.

The problem is, is when you're in it, right, so you're in a presentation, you're on stage, you're on a video call, you're in a date and you blank out, you're in it.

And usually you're like leaned in, you're leaned forward, you wanna do it.

And what people make the mistake of doing is they go further in, they go, um, that is actually the worst thing you can do, you're actually overloading your prefrontal cortex by trying to get more.

What I want you to actually do is back up, so I want you to give yourself physical and emotional distance.

So if you're in that, just take a step back, either sit back or take a step back, try to angle your head back, that changes the nature of your brain.

So if you ever blank out, don't lean in, lean back, take a step back, take a breath back, grab your water, right?

That's how I want you to do it, it's super smooth and it actually helps that reset.

That's what we're actually doing for ourselves.

And if you're alone, of course, you can do the self touch.

Your suprasternal notch, this little notch right here between your two collar bones.

When we touch even anywhere in this area, including like our neck, it reminds us of like calm down, calm down.

You know that instinctively, that's giving you a nice physiological response of staying calm.

And this is why I think that before you walk into a room, before you walk on a date, before you walk in networking event, if you can get yourself right, if you can show up as your most confident, competent self, if you know that you have all these cues in your back pocket, you know your stuff, you really have good intention to be warm and trustworthy, that makes you super contagious in a good way.