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  • Oh my god! Oh my god!

  • Did we have sex last night!?

  • We sure did, cowboy.

  • Oh my god!

  • Silenzio!

  • Ah! Oh. Wait.

  • Am I supposed- Wasn’t that a spell?

  • It’s Italian. It means shut up.

  • Ginny, honey, darling, I-

  • Harold James Potter!

  • I had come here to report that I haven’t found Ron, and to ask if perhaps you’d gotten lucky.

  • [snicker]

  • Instead I am forced to reassess everything I thought I cared about in my life.

  • Harry, do you wish to be married to me?

  • Yes! Yes, of course, darling! I love you! I-

  • Shut up!

  • How long has this been going on?

  • Never! Just last night! It was an accident!

  • We drank too much! Because we were so upset! Worried about Ron!

  • Is that true?

  • No.

  • I was curious what it would be like to sleep with Harry. So I poured wine down his throat and jumped him.

  • It’s not rocket science.

  • And is it going to happen again?

  • No! No, of course not!

  • I don’t even remember it happening the first time!

  • Hermione?

  • No. I’m satisfied.

  • Well, my curiosity is satisfied.

  • How could you?

  • Was my explanation not clear?

  • Harry, get dressed!

  • What the!? Where is my-!?

  • Ah yes, that.

  • While I decide what’s to become of us, I’ve confiscated your genitals.

  • Confiscated them!? Well where the hell are they!?

  • Never you mind!

  • And you.

  • You admit that you betrayed my trust, seduced my husband, and ruined our friendship

  • all for one night of drunken sex?

  • That’s not the Hermione Weasley I called a sister.

  • I knew this would upset you. I do hope we can get past it.

  • Maybe we can talk it out over margaritas. How’s your Thursday?

  • I hereby challenge you to a duel.

  • Ooo! I’ve never been in one of those!

  • Uh, Ginny, hon, not sure-

  • Harry shut up! Tomorrow. Midnight.

  • Agreed.

  • Fine! Harry, go find Ron.

  • Try not to have sex with him.

  • How could I when youve got my-

  • Go!

  • You know the last thing Ron said before he left me?

  • He said,

  • Your problem is youve never made a mistake in your life.

  • I want to see what I’ve been missing.

  • Oh blow it out your arse.

  • [cell phone rings]

  • Hello?

  • Harry Potter?

  • Yes.

  • Sorry to read about you being out of work. But we've got something we think would be perfect for you.

  • Look, I’ve told you people before.

  • I don’t see why anyone would want a Lego video game based on my life.

  • It doesn’t make any sense. Why can’t they just be us, people?

  • What do Lego blocks have to do with anything!? It’s bloody stupid!

  • No no no, it’s nothing like that. Perfectly respectable job, I promise.

  • Come by tonight. I’ll text you the address.

  • Ron, I know youre out here.

  • Hello Harry! Tea?

  • So nice having company. Haven’t seen anyone in ages.

  • What do you expect? Youve been hiding in a forest for a month.

  • In a place only Hermione or I would even think to look for you.

  • Hadn’t been back here since then.

  • Out hunting Horcruxes.

  • We never really took the time to enjoy nature, you know?

  • Uh, we were a bit distracted.

  • Aren’t we always though? Aren’t we always though?

  • Um

  • Are you high?

  • Oh, sorry.

  • Want some?

  • What’s wrong with living out here, you know?

  • Communing with Mother Earth, living off the land?

  • There’s nothing wrong with it, Ron. It’s just sort of, you know, sudden.

  • And big. You know, a big change. I mean, what about Hermione?

  • Haven’t been feeling a ton of respect from that direction.

  • Before I left, she told me

  • I put the Ron in moron.

  • Sorry.

  • Why? I didn’t say it wasn’t funny.

  • I’m just saying… I’m just saying

  • Hermione and I fell in love when we were kids.

  • When silly little things like complete incompatibility didn’t matter.

  • Do you know what it’s like being married to someone who’s better than you at everything?

  • Well, no.

  • Seems mean to say it out loud though.

  • I’m sure she’s not better than you at everything.

  • She beat me in a pissing contest!

  • WowDistance?

  • Distance.

  • Wow.

  • I mean there's being a fuck-up,

  • then there’s being a fuck-up who lives with Hermione.

  • Ron, youre not a fuck-up.

  • Fifteen failed businesses in eight years?

  • Who’s high now?

  • Still you.

  • What happened with the last one? You said it was a sure thing.

  • Said that about all of them, though, didn’t I?

  • I guess the world just wasn’t ready for edible socks.

  • I still don’t see how it’s any worse than edible underwear.

  • But that’s the whole point, I suppose.

  • Ah, here we are.

  • Immobulus!

  • Such a generous bounty nature provides!

  • Do you want

  • a sandwich?

  • You call this living off the land? Is this how youve been getting food?

  • And pot!

  • So you're abandoning your wife, and youre going to spend your remaining days living in the woods

  • stealing food from campers because your life hasn't gone as planned?

  • You know I never really had any plans.

  • You must be getting me confused one of with the girls.

  • Speaking of which, have you knocked up my sister yet?

  • Weird... And no.

  • She wants a family.

  • I know.

  • It's just,

  • whenever I picture a child, it's never happy.

  • I love Ginny, I just don't see why anyone would want to do that to a kid.

  • What? Have one?

  • It's hard to explain.

  • Hey man,

  • I'm here for you.

  • I think I feel like,

  • like the very concept of a family-

  • Oh bollocks! I forgot to unfreeze the muggles!

  • Pew!

  • I do hope youll think about coming back.

  • I mean, everyone’s entitled to a bad mood now and then, but this is a bit dramatic.

  • I lost my job yesterday, doesn’t mean that I’m going-

  • You lost your job yesterday?

  • So you don’t have to work tomorrow!

  • Brilliant! You should crash here tonight!

  • Itll be great!

  • I’m sure I can find a caravan with some beers in it.

  • No, I can’t.

  • I have this job offer, interview, thing I have to go to.

  • Job offer?

  • Yeah, I got the call this morning.

  • So you lost your job yesterday,

  • and got offered one this morning?

  • Uh... yeah?

  • Excuse me.

  • Did you eat my damn sandwich?

  • FUUUUUUUCK!

  • So, Harry Potter.

  • What makes a man a man?

  • Uhhh...

  • Memories. A man is defined by his collection of memories.

  • They determine who he is, how he will act.

  • Powerful little buggers, memories.

  • Sometimes that can be a problem. And that’s where we come in.

  • That’s Stretch.

  • I’m Squat. Were private contractors.

  • Usually hired by the Department of Magical Enforcement.

  • What happens is, wizard or witch commits a crime,

  • enforcers pick him up.

  • Were called in to wipe the memory of any muggles that see what they shouldn’t.

  • Requires dedication. Long hours.

  • Maybe spending some nights in the office.

  • Can get dangerous.

  • Nothing the great Harry Potter can’t handle.

  • Oh, uh, thank you.

  • Um, well yeah, sounds good.

  • Just got to talk it over with the wife.

  • What you got to talk about it with her for?

  • It’s a good job, all on the up and up. Just take it!

  • Oh, no, I’m sure it is.

  • It’s just we usually discuss before making any big decisions,

  • and I’m kind of in it right now with her anyway so

  • What’s the matter? She got your balls in her purse or something?

  • Maybe we were wrong.

  • Maybe the great Harry Potter can’t handle it.

  • I mean you haven’t really faced anything like that since you was a kid, eh?

  • Well that doesn’t have anything to do with it!

  • He was better looking as a kid.

  • When did his nose get so big?

  • And your accent’s complete shit.

  • Hey!

  • I didn’t come here for this!

  • I came here for a job!

  • Good.

  • Welcome aboard.

  • Are you joking?

  • Oops.

  • Hi hon.

  • God I’m exhausted.

  • Found Ron. He’s a bit frazzled, but hell be all right.

  • Just needs some time to sort things out, I’m sure.

  • Got a lead on a new job.

  • Well, sort of.

  • What?

  • Oh. Right.

  • Hi, Stretch? Job offer still good?

  • I'll take it.

Oh my god! Oh my god!

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Harry Potter And The Ten Years Later - Episode Two

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    fisher posted on 2013/04/01
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