Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Let's kick it off with some exciting news

  • from the world of black girl magic.

  • History being made

  • after the new Miss World crowned over the weekend.

  • Watch this.

  • Miss World

  • 2019 is...

  • -(drumroll) -(cheering)

  • -...Jamaica! -(screaming) -(applause, cheering)

  • MAN: Toni-Ann Singh of Jamaica won the top honor

  • at the Miss World contest on Saturday.

  • Her win means five black women now hold the world's

  • -top pageant titles. -WOMAN: Wow.

  • -MAN 2: Wow. -MAN 3: Amazing.

  • MAN 1: That is an historic first.

  • -Wow! -(cheers and applause)

  • That is so amazing.

  • Five black women all wearing crowns.

  • Six women if you count Meghan Markle.

  • -#Winning. -(laughter)

  • And I'm particularly excited

  • because Miss Universe is from South Africa.

  • -(applause and cheering) -Yeah, which is great.

  • Which is great, because I'm South African,

  • so that technically means I'm in line for the throne.

  • That's what that means.

  • Yeah, if she quits, I get to be in charge of the universe.

  • That's how this whole thing works.

  • I also love how, in pageants,

  • they make the contestants stand next to each other,

  • so you have to be happy for the person who just beat you, right?

  • Because everybody's watching.

  • I actually think that's how they should announce the winner

  • of presidential elections from now on.

  • Yeah, you should have both of them on stage at the same time.

  • And then, Steve Harvey gives the results,

  • and then, they have to be excited for each other.

  • (as Trump): Oh, my God, Bernie, congrats.

  • You deserve it. You're so beautiful.

  • It's like...

  • (as Sanders): Uh, you also could have won, Donald.

  • I... and as a socialist, I'm sharing my crown

  • with all the other contestants!

  • All right, moving on.

  • Every year, the Hallmark Channel releases

  • its famous Christmas movie lineup

  • as a reminder that the Hallmark Channel exists.

  • But this year, they've also decided

  • to release some controversy.

  • MAN: This morning, the Hallmark Channel reversing course

  • and apologizing after its decision

  • to pull a wedding ad that featured a gay couple kissing.

  • Do you think Zola

  • could have made planning your perfect wedding easier?

  • -BOTH: We do. -MAN: The controversy began

  • after the conservative group One Million Moms

  • petitioned the network to reconsider airing commercials

  • with same-sex couples.

  • The Hallmark Channel initially agreed to remove the ads.

  • -Uh-huh. -Oh, it's on.

  • MAN: But the move sparked a social media fury,

  • including calls for a boycott.

  • But overnight, Hallmark backing away from the decision,

  • apologizing in a statement, writing, in part,

  • "This is this was the wrong decision."

  • Come on. In 2019? Really?

  • A conservative group complained

  • because of an ad that showed two women kissing?

  • What are you getting mad for?

  • They're kissing at their wedding.

  • It's the last time they'll ever kiss. Relax.

  • (laughter)

  • Also, clearly, Hallmark doesn't believe in anything,

  • because first, they apologized to the conservative group,

  • and then, they apologized for pulling the ad.

  • Now they're in trouble with everybody.

  • Although it's the perfect situation

  • for their new line of cards, "I'm Sorry for Saying Sorry

  • to the Person I wasn't Supposed to Say Sorry To."

  • -(laughter) -Really smart.

  • And also, why does Hallmark even have a channel? Right?

  • It's an aisle in CVS.

  • You don't see a toilet paper channel, huh,

  • where it's just, like, heartfelt movies

  • that take place entirely in bathrooms?

  • "Baby I love you, but right now, I...

  • I just got to take a dump."

  • (laughter)

  • All right, let's move on.

  • If you go to the beach,

  • what's the one thing you're terrified of?

  • It's probably seeing an old man naked, right?

  • Well, take away the old man, but now leave the penis.

  • WOMAN: Rather, phallic fish have been found

  • by the thousands in California.

  • Their name is about as weird as their image.

  • They're called "fat innkeeper worms."

  • Some think that maybe a storm pushed them to the shore.

  • At first sight, it kind of looks

  • like a cargo ship of sausages tipped over or something.

  • Well, well, well!

  • Looks like the Little Mermaid

  • had quite the bachelorette party!

  • (laughter)

  • For real, though. It's like the ocean is sending us dick pics.

  • -What was that? -(laughter)

  • And, like, I don't even know... I...

  • Like, I didn't know that there were penis fish.

  • I don't know about you.

  • Although now, I finally understand

  • why Rose pushed Jack off the door in the Titanic.

  • She was like, "You know what?

  • "I'll be fine on my own.

  • Just go. Just go. Just go."

  • Now, it actually turns out,

  • the real name of this creature is "the innkeeper worm."

  • That's what it is.

  • And I just got to say, kudos to the scientists

  • who came up with that name,

  • 'cause it takes a lot of maturity to look at that

  • and be, like, "Uh, what should we call it?"

  • "Um... innkeeper worm?"

  • "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go with 'innkeeper.'

  • "That's the first thing I thought of.

  • Yeah, yeah, innkeeper."

  • All right, and finally, speaking of dicks,

  • a football game this weekend that took a very wrong turn.

  • U.S. military officials are investigating

  • a troubling incident from yesterday's

  • Army-Navy football game

  • after military students in the stands

  • flashed what appeared to be symbols of hate.

  • MAN: Blink and you might have missed it.

  • Military students at yesterday's

  • Army-Navy football game caught on ESPN flashing hand signals

  • that have lately become hate symbols,

  • not once, not twice, but three times,

  • sparking outrage on social media.

  • This symbol, commonly understood to mean "okay,"

  • was appropriated by far right groups.

  • The hand shape supposedly resembles the letters "W," "P,"

  • for white power.

  • The ADL says far right groups use it

  • partly because it's so ambiguous,

  • making it hard to understand

  • whether the students knew what they were doing.

  • Oh, yeah, this is a really difficult one.

  • Either the kids were pulling a racist sign,

  • or they were all trying to tell the cameraman

  • that they are doing fine. Who knows?

  • Now, for those of you who don't know,

  • a few years ago, some alt-right trolls

  • decided to turn the "okay" sign

  • into their sign for "white power,"

  • because it looks like a "W" and a "P." Yeah.

  • And they like it, because when people call them out for it,

  • they can say, "What? No, I'm just doing the 'okay' sign."

  • But it's, like, guys, we know what you're doing.

  • Right? 'Cause they'd, like, do it like this or like this.

  • Like, come on, you're not okay. What is this? What is this?

  • I mean, can you imagine if Hitler tried that

  • when the allied forces were rolling into Berlin? Just like,

  • (German accent): "LOL, guys. Ha. I took the Hindu swastika

  • "and told you it was a Nazi thing,

  • "and you fell for it. Ha-ha-ha.

  • What a funny joke. Ja? Can I go home now? Ja?"

  • And these trolls chose the "okay" symbol

  • to mean "white power," because it's everywhere.

  • That's why they did it.

  • But they could have appropriated anything.

  • Like, they could have used dabbing, you know?

  • They could have been like, "Go back to Africa.

  • -It's that way." -(laughter)

  • But here's the thing.