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Hi, my name is Rebecca from engvid.com. In today's lesson,
you'll learn how to function effectively in a cross-cultural environment in North America, in Britain, and so on,
and what you should not do. This is actually one of two videos that I've recorded.
The other one is on good manners, and this one is about bad manners.
This one is about what you should not do when you're in North America or in England. Okay?
So, I've divided it between what you should not say and what you should not do. Let's have a look.
So in terms of speaking, when you're speaking in a group or in a public place, try not to speak in a very loud voice.
Don't speak too loudly, keep your volume relative to other people's volume. All right?
Listen. Now again, everything that I'm going to say to you here remember always take it with a pinch of salt.
What does this expression mean? Understand that it's not 100% like that, but generally speaking it's like that. Okay?
Next one, in a public situation such as a party, try to avoid controversial subjects.
What does that mean? A controversial subject is something where people have strong views such as religion or politics.
We try to avoid these subjects, for example: at a social occasion, at a wedding,
or a party because if you get into a discussion with someone on these subjects,
it can become a little bit aggressive, it can become a little bit angry,
and perhaps that's not very kind to your host or hostess that are planning a pleasant kind of event.
So remember to keep that in mind. Of course, with your own friends or people you know well
or people you see often, you do share your views on these subjects and that may be perfectly okay.
All right? Next, we also avoid speaking about money.
I know that money is, of course, a great interest to everyone,
but we usually do not ask people that we don't know well or acquaintances or people we've just met,
we don't ask them questions like, "How much do you make? How much do you earn?
How much did you pay for your house or your car?" or something else. We don't ask that because it's not polite.
Okay? Of course, again, with people you know well, you may share that information.
And if somebody decides to share that with you, that's fine, but you try to avoid asking it.
Next is not to ask personal questions. What do I mean by personal questions?
You don't usually ask people how old they are, or how much do they weigh, or something like that,
or how many, If they're married or if they have kids. Now again, if you're a married person
and you have children and you meet another married person and it's clear that he or she has children,
it's perfectly fine to talk about how old your children are because it's obvious that you all have children.
So I don't mean to never ask them, but if you meet just one person you don't want to start asking them,
"Oh, why don't you have children?"
or something like that because that's giving advice very early when you barely know somebody
and people don't like that kind of advice usually.
Next is avoid talking about yourself because that can sometimes seem like you're boasting.
Now of course, that doesn't mean not to give information about yourself, but not to talk too much about yourself.
When you talk too much about yourself then people feel that you're, you just care about yourself.
Instead of that, show, tell a little bit about yourself,
and then turn the conversation and turn the focus and the attention onto the other person;
ask them about themselves. Okay, the next point is not to interrupt people.
In many different cultures there's many different rules about this,
but in North America generally when one person is speaking, we try to wait until they finish speaking
and then we say what we want to say. Try not to interrupt while other people are speaking.
Last point here is about speaking when your mouth is full. Don't do it. In other words,
don't eat and talk at the same time. Eat, if you're at a dinner, eat, finish eating, and then speak.
Nobody likes to see all that food inside your mouth
and neither can we understand you very clearly when you have something in your mouth, so avoid that.
Next, let's look at some things which you should not do. Don't stare at people.
Don't stare at women. Also. I know that when I had some students from other countries,
they said to me that when they came to Canada, they didn't understand when men were interested in them
because in their country, men normally looked at them when they walked down the street,
and here men don't usually do that. They look, but they don't look... show that they're looking.
So the women, the woman said to me: "I don't know when anybody likes me because nobody's looking at me."
So I explained to her that, because she was a very attractive girl,
that I'm sure a lot of people like you and like the way you look, but they're not going to show it.
So in a North American environment, usually we don't try to stare at strangers.
Okay? So keep that in mind. Next point is when you meet someone for the first time,
it is not the custom to kiss. All right? Even the polite kiss on the cheek, we don't do that.
In some countries, it is perfectly acceptable and in fact that's part of their custom,
but in North American, in North America- no. Just shake hands and that's enough.
Later, when the relationship becomes friendlier, warmer then sometimes we do give each other a little kiss on the cheek
but be a little...., better to be careful about that rather than to do it too soon.
Okay? Next is to avoid touching people too much when you're talking to them,
or don't touch them at all; if there's a stranger, try to avoid touching them.
Again, it's a general rule. Sometimes men when they meet, they will slap each other on the back
or something like that. But on the whole, if you're not certain, it's better not to do that
and just a shaking of hands or something like that is enough. Also, if you bump into someone,
try..., when you're walking down the street, try to avoid bumping into people,
it's not expected and if it happens, apologize.
Next, avoid any kind of what could be considered sort of uncultured behavior,
which would mean things like spitting in a public place, or scratching your head,
or scratching yourself in some private place, or burping, or farting, or anything like that.
Avoid all of those things. That is not considered polite at all. Next is when you're walking, even when you're walking down a street,
if you see two people coming, and them seem, it's clear they're talking to each other,
try to avoid walking right between them, walk around them.
If you have to walk through two people who are speaking to each other or who are clearly together
then make sure you say, "excuse me," "I'm sorry," something like that as you pass.
But otherwise, avoid that; find a way around them. Next, don't be impatient in your speech or in your body language.
When someone is talking to you, don't go: "Yes, uh huh, uh huh, right, yes, yes. And then?"
So when you do things like that, people understand that you're trying to rush them,
you're trying to hurry them like you're boring them, like you already can read their mind
and you know what they want to say, so don't do that. Wait patiently, listen.
Sometimes we do these things with people we live with and this probably not very nice there either,
but it may be okay at home to do that. It's not really okay to do that with others.
The next thing is going to be tricky and you're going to ask me,
"Like what are you talking about? There are so many cologne and perfume companies."
But I have written here in an office situation, in a business environment, don't wear cologne or perfume.
Yes, I am saying that. Why? Because in many office environments in North America today,
they are considered sort of fragrance-free zones. Because of the fact that many people have allergies,
they are, it is recommended that people don't use cologne.
If you have to use cologne, use very, very little or just have, just be clean,
but don't use cologne or perfume. Certainly don't drench yourself in that; don't use too much.
Now, if you go to a party, again, yes you can use cologne or perfume, but don't use too much;
don't overpower people because somebody who might be sensitive to smell will actually not like that at all,
which is not your intention. Okay?
And the last one which is part of that is about body odor. Don't smell bad. Now, you might wonder,
"Well, that's why I use the cologne." No, you don't want to use the cologne to hide your body odor, no.
What you want to do is you want to be clean. That means your mouth should be fresh,
brush your teeth, use breath freshener if you need to,
especially if you've just eaten food with a lot of spices in it. Also make sure you use deodorant.
We are not accustomed to the smell of sweat here, so use deodorant or antiperspirant so that you don't smell.
Also make sure you take a shower regularly. And make sure your clothes don't smell of wherever you've been
because clothes can hold on to the smell of food,
or tobacco, or marijuana, or alcohol, and all kinds of things.
So make sure that your clothes are clean and that they don't smell of something,
particularly if you're going to an interview or something like that or if you're going to a party as well. Okay?
So I believe that if you do these 15 things, or rather if you don't do these 15 things,
you will be very effective in a North American culture. Thank you very much for watching.
If you'd like to subscribe to my channel on YouTube, please do that. And if you'd like to do a quiz on this subject,
please go to our website: www.engvid.com. Thank you very much.
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Bad Manners: What NOT to say or do (Polite English)

45995 Folder Collection
Halu Hsieh published on July 23, 2015    Camellia translated    James reviewed
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