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  • I want to talk about something today.

  • It's changed the world forever.

  • I'm talking about Google.

  • Once upon a time, before Al Gore invented the internet, whenever

  • we had a question, we had to open something

  • called an encyclopedia.

  • Encyclopedias were books full of information-- let me back up.

  • Books are a magazine that's thicker.

  • I should explain that.

  • Magazines are things that are in your dentist's office.

  • They're blogs that you hold in your hands.

  • Anyway, nowadays, all you got to do

  • is like, beep, beep, badoop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

  • And then Google will tell you the answer.

  • Sometimes, it tries to the question that you asked,

  • which gave me an idea.

  • It's a new game.

  • We've never tried it.

  • So we'll see how it goes.

  • It's called Well Google My Noodle.

  • Who's who?

  • I'm Hannah.

  • I'm Haley.

  • Hi, Hannah.

  • Where do you live?

  • What do you do?

  • I live in Riverside.

  • And I'm a student.

  • I'm a college student.

  • All right.

  • And you are?

  • I'm Haley.

  • I'm from Nebraska.

  • And I'm an ER nurse.

  • So--

  • Oh, good for you.

  • Thank you.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Yeah!

  • Yeah!

  • All right.

  • Here's how this game works.

  • You're going to have to use your noodle to guess

  • what Google is going to say.

  • I'll show you the first few words.

  • And then you're going to have to guess

  • one of the Google suggestions.

  • If you get one correct, I will award

  • you points based on how I'm feeling.

  • If you don't hear the buzzer of doom, that is.

  • All right, we're going to go back and forth

  • until Andy starts panicking about time and says,

  • that's it, that's it.

  • All right, so we will go with Hannah first.

  • And your Google search is "is it bad to?"

  • What will Google predict that you're searching for?

  • "Tell my boyfriend I like someone else?"

  • All right.

  • That's a good one.

  • That's a good guess.

  • I'm just going to go ahead and say you

  • wouldn't have to Google that.

  • The answer would be, yes, it would

  • be bad to tell your boyfriend you like someone else.

  • But let's see number three.

  • "Is it bad to hold your sneeze?"

  • Number two, "is it bad to swallow gum?"

  • Number one, "is it bad to eat at night?"

  • [BUZZER]

  • That is minus 400 points.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Haley, what will Google predict you're searching for.

  • "Is my house"--

  • "Is my house smaller than your house?"

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Probably.

  • Yes, it is.

  • Yes!

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • It is!

  • I guess we'll have to accept that.

  • Let's see what the third one is.

  • "Is my house bugged?"

  • Paranoid people out there.

  • Number two, "is my house haunted?"

  • I get that.

  • You'd want to know that.

  • And number one, "is my house making me sick?"

  • [BUZZER]

  • All right, you asked a ridiculous question.

  • The answer--

  • That's my bad.

  • --minus 2000 points.

  • All right, we're in the negative.

  • Let's try to get in the positive, ladies.

  • OK.

  • Hannah.

  • "Do dogs" what?

  • A thing people saying?

  • "Do dogs"--

  • "think I'm pretty?"

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • All right, I'm just going to award you.

  • That's 10,000 points right there,

  • just because that's hilarious.

  • Do dogs think I'm pretty?

  • All right, let's take a look at number three.

  • "Do dogs smile?"

  • Number two, "do dogs go to heaven?"

  • Number one, "do dogs see color?"

  • OK, and not up there is "do dogs think I'm pretty."

  • But still, it's a good question.

  • So let's go to Haley.

  • Yes.

  • "Why do cats?"

  • What do you think people--

  • they would guess that you're going to Google?

  • "Why do cats"--

  • "Knock everything over?"

  • Why do they?

  • Well, hm.

  • Because it's fun.

  • Let's see what number three is.

  • "Why do cats hate water?"

  • Yeah, they don't like water, unless they're

  • drinking from a faucet.

  • And then they enjoy that.

  • Number two, "why do cats like boxes?"

  • It's fun, to play in.

  • Number one, "why do cats knead?"

  • The whole kneading of--

  • like that.

  • You know why they do that?

  • Because it reminds them of when they were kittens.

  • And they do that to get their mother's milk

  • from the little teat.

  • And--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • So when they relax, they go back to that memory

  • of doing that when they were getting milk from their mother.

  • So when they do that, they're very happy.

  • Just know that.

  • All right, points, you get plus--

  • Because they do knock things over.

  • And I understand that.

  • Plus 8,000 points.

  • All right.

  • All right, Hannah, "is it possible to?"

  • "Is it possible to--"

  • "Floss with one hand?"

  • You know, it is.

  • Cause they make those little mini things

  • that you can use now.

  • Minus 15,000 points.

  • Dang it.

  • That's OK.

  • Minus 15,000 points.

  • Because they make those things.

  • And-- all right.

  • Had you looked up flossing before you came to the show

  • today, you would know that.

  • Number three is "is it possible to live forever?"

  • Number two, "is it impossible to grow taller?"

  • I'm going to say no.

  • Number one, "is it possible to have black eyes?"

  • [DINGING]

  • That means there is no winner.

  • And yet, you're both winners.

  • You're both getting brand new iPads.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Now, please give it up for tWitch.

I want to talk about something today.

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