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  • You know, I'm afraid of robots.

  • Yeah, I saw one get interviewed on 60 Minutes, the top journalistic program in the United States.

  • And he's just sitting there, getting interviewed, not nervous at all, just rattling off all the f**king answers.

  • You know, not smoking, not f**king, you know, leaking oil, whatever you would do as a nervous robot, right?

  • And the reporter's asking him questions, in the end he goes, "So tell us", he's like, "What are your goals?"

  • And I am alone in a hotel room, and I literally lean towards the TV, I'm like, did these f**king things have goals?

  • And the f**king robot just answers, he just goes, "Well, what are your goals?", and the robot goes, "To become smarter than human beings."

  • Yeah, and the reporter just blows by it, he's like, "Okay, and, 'what's your favorite color?'"

  • Meanwhile, I'm standing on my bed yelling at the TV, like, "Dude, unplug that f**king thing!"

  • "Take the batteries out!"

  • "Pull the wires out, do something!"

  • How many sci-fi movies do you have to see before you realize where this is going?

  • So anyways, every smart person, every super-smart person in the world, is saying these f**king things are gonna kill us.

  • Even your boy here, the guy who, he recently died.

  • What was his name?

  • He was always sitting down.

  • Hawkins, Stephen Hawkins (Hawking), yeah!

  • Too good to f**king stand up and make his point, just sitting down all f**king smarmy.

  • Oh, I care so much, I poured ice on myself!

  • And I showed off my abs at the same time, for the 'gram!

  • Nah, I'm just f**king with you.

  • I am so glad that guy's f**king dead, though.

  • Look at you guys, your hearthow much longer do you want him to suffer?

  • You don't believe in an afterlife?

  • Maybe he's up there now, his f**king legs work, he's getting an angelic bl**job, how much longer do you want him to f**king sit there so you can feel better about yourself?

  • Well, at least I'm not all f**king twisted up, saying smart shit, right?

  • I couldn't f**king stand that guy.

  • He was so f**king negative, he never had anything positive to say!

  • Hey Steve, what have you got for us today?

  • "In 2035 there'll be no more apples."

  • Thank you, Steve, thanks a lot!

  • Wasn't thinking about that, now I am.

  • Hey, so what's the solution?

  • "It's too late, we needed to try 40 years ago."

  • Thanks a lot buddy, I'm gonna go cry with my child now!

  • Dude I could hang out with that guy for about three minutes before I took the brake off his chair and just zoomed him into the other room.

  • Hey Steve, come back here when you got something dumb and positive to say!

You know, I'm afraid of robots.

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    lauren.huang posted on 2020/03/30
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