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  • THAT'S THE F**KING POSTER!

  • Look, I'm going to swear in this episode

  • Buckle up

  • I've been agonizing over how to properly convey the terribleness of this movie

  • And I think I got it

  • I'm going to show you one verse

  • Just ONE VERSE

  • Of its theme song...

  • Ready?

  • "Into Into Into Showbiz"

  • "Biz Biz"

  • "Biz Biz Biz Biz"

  • "Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz"

  • "Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz"

  • "Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz"

  • "Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz Biz"

  • The whole f**king song is like this!

  • For those of you who are unaware

  • Pure Hearts: Into Chinese Showbiz is widely regarded as one of the worst Chinese movies

  • To ever grace the silver screen

  • Of nearly 88,000 votes on Chinese review site, Douban

  • 96% of them gave this movie a one star rating

  • It has a 1 star out of 10 on IMDb!

  • Look at that damn poster!!

  • Sigh...

  • Needless to say, this movie became an Internet sensation in China

  • Not in a "so-bad-it's-good" sort of way

  • "Anyway, how's your sex life"

  • But rather, everyone despises this movie

  • From the film itself

  • To the drama behind the scene

  • And everything it stands for

  • But I don't want to just make fun of this movie

  • Plenty of channels already did that

  • And comedy is not why you are here

  • You want a video essay

  • So I'm gonna dig into this pile of sh*t with my bare hands

  • To show you how and why this movie is so bad

  • And so offensive

  • Welcome, to the worst Chinese movie ever made

  • Let's start with the writing...

  • If you can call it writing

  • Pure Hearts: Into Chinese Showbiz tells the story of a class in an acting school

  • And everyone's struggles and sacrifices in the pursuit of their dream career

  • And by everyone, I mean EVERYONE!

  • The film has whooping 11 plotlines

  • One minute we see this girl

  • Whom I'll name "Purity" (you'll know why later)

  • Having a crush on his teacher

  • "I have never fallen in love with anybody"

  • "But it so happens"

  • "That I seem to have a strange feeling on Mr. Wen"

  • Next minute, we are looking at these two "Chads"

  • Walking around, hitting on girls

  • That's all we know about them, by the way

  • No, as in, for the rest of the movie

  • And a minute later, two "Stacys" show up

  • And start talking about how they date older rich men

  • To get ahead in life

  • Not to mention the dance sequences

  • Yeah, dance sequence

  • Uncomfortable yet?

  • The movie has no structure

  • Summarizing it is practically impossible

  • But I'm going to try anyway

  • The main story, I think...

  • Is about the teacher

  • Played by the writer-director--

  • (Are you f**king surprised?)

  • His girlfriend leaves him one night

  • Because he's a failed artist and poor

  • "Also, that's actually not my home"

  • "Only a leased apartment"

  • To gain back her love

  • The teacher decides to, what else, make a movie with his students

  • In the process of funding his project

  • Multiple of his students were sexually harassed and assaulted

  • By perverted directors and producers

  • ...Of course

  • So it's pretty much a story of him saving his students

  • Sprinkled with unrelated plotlines

  • Like this "Pretty Boy" getting into a relationship with a sugar mama

  • Or this "Good Boy" losing his legs in a car accident

  • And that's it, that's the entire character arc

  • He shows up twice in the movie

  • Once to establish him as a lone son in a poor single parent household

  • Then he comes back later in the movie to lose his legs

  • Trust me, there is just about as much info in my narration

  • As in the movie

  • Because, let's get to the heart of the problem here

  • The movie is just a quick amalgamation of tropes

  • Forbidden love between a teacher and a student

  • Sexual bribery

  • The starving artist

  • The Tragedy

  • Sugar mama

  • Mobsters

  • Perverted Director

  • Perverted Producers

  • Rape

  • Suicide

  • These are not stories

  • They are sh*t that the director finds fascinating

  • And inserted into the movie with no care whatsoever

  • The movie has no interest in further exploring these topics

  • The forbidden love bothers no one whatsoever

  • The sexual bribery takes Stacey zero seconds to make the commitment

  • Suicide comes and goes with no ill effects on the characters

  • The director has nothing to say about any of these things

  • How could he?

  • There are overused tropes from popular media

  • Digested versions of stories from other films and TV shows

  • It is not the director's personal experience

  • As a result, the characters and events are detached from reality

  • The film has no nuance or genuine emotion

  • It doesn't want to ask the hard questions

  • It is not interested in the substance of good movies

  • It just wants to... LOOK like other good movies

  • All it wants

  • Is to keep up an image

  • Keep that in mind as we go forward

  • When a movie is recognized as bad

  • It's more often than not aesthetically bad

  • And that's the fun part

  • I mean, how do you come to the conclusion that this looks good?

  • But if we take what we learn from our discussion on the film's writing

  • Suddenly, this film's questionable aesthetic choices

  • Make a lot more sense

  • Let's start with the title screen

  • Gold...

  • And diamond...

  • Hmm... I wonder what joke I'm goin--

  • "We were inspired by the Hall of Mirrors in Versailles"

  • Pompous

  • That's how I'd describe this movie's aesthetic

  • From the John Wick inspired typography

  • To the tacky variety show chapter screens

  • This movie is again, a buffet of--

  • Wait, what the f**k?

  • F**k?

  • Despite the film's focus on troubled artists

  • And the half-hearted lesson on not taking shortcuts in the road to success

  • "Put it back on"

  • The movie is hellbent on putting up a "wealthy" display

  • From the landscape drone shots

  • To the boats, wines and babes

  • To race cars

  • To the inclusion of a skydiving scene at the end of the movie that serves no purpose

  • Other than to blow the budget, I guess

  • Even though the story tells us we are in a sleazy area

  • The camera is practically licking this sexy DJ

  • In other words, the film doesn't even believe in its own message

  • It wants to look rich

  • And it's taking every shortcut to do so

  • And if you are still unconvinced

  • In the end credits, you can see the movie flaunts its expensive production

  • Helicopters

  • Race cars

  • Skydiving

  • Pop stars

  • Jackie is proud of his stunts

  • That's what you see in his movie end credits

  • Stephen Chow is proud of his characters and jokes

  • That's what you see

  • This movie doesn't want to show you the acting

  • All it cares about is looking expensive

  • Keeping up the appearance

  • Now, we know how is this movie bad

  • It's one big buffet of tropes

  • But the real question is, "why"?

  • First, why is this bad?

  • Well, obviously, it's lazy

  • But then, why is laziness so bad?

  • Well, let's take a closer look:

  • Purity here has no character arc

  • Her entire point in the story is to be saved by the teacher