B1 Intermediate US 43 Folder Collection
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American society can be kind of strangely loveless
even though we romanticize sex and romance so much.
And you can see that in like, everything from
reality shows about weddings to iconic rom-coms.
Dating is not dead, romance is not dead
It just evolves with changes in the economy
And this is, you know,
I think this could be a reason for optimism.
As well as looking more critically at
why we date the ways we do.
I like to joke that dating was invented in 1896
because the first time we find that word
on the printed record
being used the way we use it now, was then.
In the early years, it was really thought to be
as sort of disreputable activity
because it was mostly working class women,
poor women, immigrant women who did it.
Who were in cities, going out on the street
going out to bars, and like Coney Island,
and New York or movies with men.
And it was thought to be really shocking
because there was no precedent for that.
In older courtship systems,
the platform where courtship happens
is controlled by the family, which presumably
has a stake in how it turns out.
So it's like, your mom and your aunt
in your Jane Austen-y parlor,
they care about whether or not you get married
they have an economic stake in that.
When it moves into public spaces
like bars, or movie theaters, or like Tinder,
The people who provide the platform
no longer have a stake in your "pairing off."
Indeed it would be better for them if you never paired off
and if you kept buying drinks and processing photos.
The economy is constantly pushing us
to try to do all this work that's actually for corporations,
not for our happiness.
And whether that's getting a Brazilian wax
and working out two hours a day,
or like working on your OKCupid profile
every time they ask you to,
It's just important to remember that like,
that is exploited labor, I would say.
And ideally, you know
the work of dating, the labor of love is work
that an individual can take a more active control over.
I mean to put it more prosaically,
get off the app as fast as you can.
I definitely don't mean to just say, you know,
"we're all just drones for the
Tinder industrial complex full-time now."
You know, it's not hopeless.
Definitely not.
Honoring love means accepting
that it's like this active form of care
that we can do for one another.
And it's not like if we give it away to one person, then it's gone
and so we have to guard it.
If you like some one and had sex with them and liked it,
that's not a waste of time if you don't
get married and have kids.
Our desire to have sex or to connect with other people
is literally the gift that we each have
that allows us to recreate the world however we want.
The idea that love could be like world changing labor
is really exciting.
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Why Is Dating So Much Work?

43 Folder Collection
Courtney Shih published on January 20, 2020
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