Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.

  • FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND THE HOST

  • OF MY FAVORITE LATE-NIGHT SHOW IN CHINA, "IS IT TRUE?"

  • PLEASE WELCOME, ALL THE WAY FROM BEIJING, JOE WONG!

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> HELLO.

  • HI, EVERYBODY.

  • HELLO, PEOPLE UP THERE.

  • HELLO.

  • SO, I AM ACTUALLY AN AMERICAN IMMIGRANT.

  • AND THEY SAY THAT AMERICA IS A COUNTRY OF IMMIGRANTS.

  • SO I HAVE TO ASK YOU GUYS-- PLEASE, LEAVE MY COUNTRY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'M SERIOUS.

  • WE HAVE A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY RIGHT NOW.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I HEARD THAT ASIANS HAVE BECOME

  • THE FASTEST GROWING IMMIGRANT GROUP IN AMERICA, WHICH IS

  • REALLY AMAZING BECAUSE MEXICANS CAN CROSS THE RIVER AND COME

  • HERE.

  • AND I HAD TO FLY THOUSANDS OF MILES TO MEXICO--

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN CROSS THAT RIVER.

  • TRUMP WANTS TO BUILD A WALL TO STOP IMMIGRATION.

  • I'M FROM CHINA.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SO I KNOW A LOT ABOUT WALLS.

  • THEY DON'T WORK.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • ( CHEERS ) AND SINCE IT'S LATER, IT'S JUST

  • GOING TO BECOME A HUGE TOURIST ATTRACTION.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT I DO RESPECT TRUMP, THOUGH,

  • BECAUSE AFTER HE TOOK OFFICE, THERE WAS THE K.K.K. MARCH,

  • ANTI-K.K.K. MARCH, WOMEN'S MARCH, ANTI-CHILD SEPARATION

  • MARCH.

  • AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH AMERICANS HATE EXERCISE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • HE HAS CONTRIBUTED MORE TO AMERICANS' HEALTH THAN ALL OF

  • THE Y.M.C.A.s COMBINED.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND HE ALSO CONTRIBUTES TO THE

  • HEALTH OF OTHER COUNTRIES, BECAUSE LAUGHTER IS THE BEST

  • MEDICINE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • I MEAN, YOU HAVE SEEN HIS PERFORMANCE AT THE U.N.?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HE KILLED.

  • THEY WERE PROBABLY EVEN A BETTER AUDIENCE THAN YOU GUYS ARE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) JUST KIDDING.

  • YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.

  • MY SON WAS BORN AND RAISED IN AMERICA.

  • I REMEMBER ONE DAY HE CAME HOME-- HE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL.

  • THAT WAS WHEN HE WAS ABOUT FIVE YEARS OLD.

  • HE SAID TO ME, "HEY, DAD, I LEARNED AMERICAN HISTORY TODAY."

  • I SAID, WOW, THAT'S GREAT."

  • HE SAID, "NOW I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR BLACK PEOPLE."

  • I SAID, "YEAH, THEY'RE REALLY MISTREATED IN AMERICAN HISTORY."

  • HE SAID, "YEAH, AND I'M SO GLAD THAT I'M WHITE."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I SAID, "HOLD ON.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE NOT WHITE."

  • HE SAID, "WHAT AM I?" I SAID, "YOU'RE YELLOW."

  • THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

  • HE TOOK A LOOK AT I HAD HAND.

  • HE WAS LIKE, "DADDY, THIS DOESN'T LOOK YELLOW TO ME."

  • I SAID, "YES, I KNOW, BUT THIS IS AMERICA AND EVERYBODY HAS TO

  • HAVE A COLOR, AND THAT'S THE COLOR THEY GAVE US.

  • YOU BETTER DEAL WITH IT."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT MY SON HAS A GOOD POWNT,

  • THOUGH.

  • NOBODY IN AMERICA, ESPECIALLY A PERSON OF COLOR, IS EXACTLY THE

  • COLOR THEY ARE ASSIGNED, YOU KNOW.

  • LIKE, THIS IS NOT EXACTLY YELLOW.

  • IT'S KIND OF BROWN.

  • A BLACK PERSON IS NOT EXACTLY BLACK.

  • THEY'RE KIND OF BROWN.

  • SO WE'RE PRETTY MUCH ALL DIFFERENT SHADES OF MEXICANS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • ( CHEERS ) SO, WHITE PEOPLE, PLEASE DON'T

  • FEEL LEFT OUT.

  • I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS IN COMMON WITH WHITE GUYS.

  • FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE AN ASIAN WIFE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ABOUT MY TIME.

  • THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.

  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • THANKS.

  • THANKS A LOT.

  • >> Stephen: JOE WONG, EVERYBODY!

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it