Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles - Today our stomachs walk the plank. - Let's parlay about that. (groovy electronic music) - Good Mythical Morning. - Before we get to the matter at hand, do you want to make an appearance on the official Mythical Instagram? - Yes. - Well tag @Mythical while wearing Mythical apparel and accessories and you just might get picked to be featured on the account. I like it, heart. - It is International Talk Like A Pirate Day which is the world's third most celebrated holiday right behind International Listen Like A Pirate Day and International Emotionally Understand Like A Pirate Day. - Oh okay so to celebrate, we're turning our stomachs into the seven seas and somehow catching scurvy in 2019 by bringing food from iconic pirate movies to life. It's time for Real Fake Food-- (Link coughs) (Rhett laughs) Pirate Edition. - You okay? Hold your arms up. - I don't if I can-- - Hold your arms up-- - I don't know if I can keep up with this. - Okay, pirates were known to feast on things like suckling pigs and salted meats and that sounds great but when things got desperate and their Postmates drivers were taking too long, crews were forced to eat truly disgusting things. - So today we're gonna be chowing down on some meals we've recreated from our favorite pirate movies and by the end of this, we'll have a better understanding of why pirates were always talking about their booty. - (chuckles) Arr. (adventurous music) - Okay let's begin with one of the most iconic pirate movies of all time. - "Pirates of the Caribbean." - "Hook." It had swashbucklin', walking the plank, and enough pirate food to feed an entire generation of lost boys, watch a clip. - I cannot-- - Wait for what? Whether it be three days or three decades, he will always be a fat, old Pan. Oh I hate being disappointed, Smee, and I hate living in this flawed body and I hate living in Neverland and I hate, I hate, I hate Peter Pan! - Can you imagine how frustrating it was to film that? Nope, nope, nope, move it. - Lining it up. - Move the hook. Move the hook, nope, move the hook. Hoffman, move the hook. That was Hoffman's peak by the way, not "Rain Man." Okay, according to famous ex-pirate William Dampier, pirates sometimes ate fried locust so it's safe to assume that Smee, that other guy's name was Smee-- - Yes. - Spit out a fried locust. - Bring in the locust to the bow! - Avast, ye mateys. - Oh yeah. - I be a modern pirate. Would you guys like to buy a copy of "Where'd You Go Bernadette"? (Rhett laughs) I downloaded it from BitTorrent. - No thank you. - All right. - I can tell you're a modern pirate 'cause of your glasses. - Oh yes, I go to that Lens Crafters. - [Link] Oh. (Rhett laughs) Sponsor? - Oh wow. He's got at least 10 DVDs back there. - Oh my gosh so-- - And more on my hard drive. - Woo! (Rhett laughs) Smells like fertilizer. - It actually smells like Red Man. - You talking about chewing tobacco? - Yeah. - Not a sponsor. - It's has like-- - Lens Crafters and Red Man. - It has a chewing tobacco, not that I would know. Not that I grew up in North Carolina and tried it once. - [Link] Okay. - [Rhett] Okay I'm just gonna pick one. - And what do we have here? - This is grog. - That is grog. - (chuckles) This is, okay, apparently the fresh sea water on pirate ships was so disgusting that they had to add alcohol to make it palatable so this is algae-filled water with rum. I really don't understand this at all. - It gets ya drunk. And that's all you need. - Smell that, that's worse. - Oh! - It's like I need to wash this down with a locust. - Smells like an alcoholic aquarium. Come on, man. - You have a handful? - Yeah. - Okay, why not? - Gotta get your protein on the ship. Dink it, knock it. Knock it back. - Wow. - Not bad. - There's no flavor on that. - It's kinda sour. - Lots of protein though. - Looking at it kinda freaks me out. But tastin' it, it's just like eating dried up corn husks. - That makes a nice pirate sound. - Glug glug glug glug glug. - Now from the look of this and the smell of it, it does seem like something that people in Silverlake would be like, "Have you had the grog?" - That's where you live, isn't it? - Yes, I used to live in Echo Park. (Rhett laughs) - And they would drink it and make bitter faces but try to act like they were enjoying it. - Yeah they would. - They would also pay $14 for a small cup of it. - It's vegan. - [Rhett] It's not bad. - Oh, it's-- - It's not bad. It's totally worth the money I just threw on it. - It's horrible, put your face in an un-cared for aquarium-- - It's not bad. - And just suck it down. I mean that's really what this tastes like. - It's not bad, can you tell? - Not a pirate's life for me. - If you make this face, it actually tastes okay. - I'm already makin'. (adventurous music) Now moving onto the second most iconic pirate movie of all time. - "Pirates of the Caribbean." - The 2002 Disney film "Treasure Planet." - Okay I haven't heard of that. But we really wanted to make a pirate meal from space. - Yeah. - Or as I like to call it, the eighth sea. - Oh (chuckles), all right, let's see what these space pirates ate. (adventurous music) - Here, now. Have a taste of me famous bonzabeast stew. (Delbert sniffs) - Mm! Delightfully tangy, yet robust. - [Silver] Old family recipe. (Delbert gasps) - Well the fact that it has a eyeball coming out of it makes me unhappy that we're tasting bonzabeast stew. - Yeah that's what we're gonna have. We're gonna have bonzabeast stew served to us by our very own other pirate. (chuckles) - Yarr. I be a Pittsburgh Pirate. - I see that. - I kinda misunderstood the assignment. (Rhett laughs) Here's your-- - I like the way you did a half-assed pirate accent though. - Trying to yeah, re-claim it. Arr. - There you go, Chase. - [Chase] Arr. - (chuckles) Wow. - [Link] What, but Chase, tell me what's in this. - Arr, okay. (Rhett laughs) So this is our bonzabeast stew. It's got pickled herring, anchovies, pigeon meat, grease grits and a buncha eyeballs. (Link gags) Arr. - Eyeballs. - That's a half a pigeon. (crew laughing) - [Link] And that right there is an eyeball. - Is it a pigeon eyeball? If so their eyes are a lot bigger than I remember. (chuckles) - What is this an eyeball from? - Probably lamb. - Yarr, they be grouper eyeballs, yarr. - It's a fish eyeball. - Grouper, okay. That's better. - I don't, I don't know about, I don't know about this. - Oh I know about it. - What you know about this? - I know it's gonna be very difficult to eat. - Eyeballs. - But I think you gotta put yourself in that frame of mind that you've been out on the sea. - Yeah and I'm just bobbin' around. - You know you're gonna just throw it up later anyway. - I'll eat the pigeon part, you eat the eyeball part. - No, we both have to, the eyeballs are the best part, man. Aye. - Aye, ball. (Rhett chuckles) Arr, ball. - There's some kinda weird elementary school joke about the vowels. Aye, arr. (Rhett grunts) I'll come up with it later. (both laughing) Oh, eye. (chuckles) That's the joke, I didn't even realize I made one. - That's what we've been saying the whole time. - (chuckles) Yeah. Hey, get it yourself an eye and let's eat it, man. - Get it yourself an eye. At least I'm gonna pick a small one. There's not a small one. - You know how it's gonna go. It's gonna be really hard to eat this, there's glass in it, you know. It's got that lens part that's really hard. It's not glass, I realize that, but it's very hard to eat. Just bite down on it, come on, let's just, do your job. (both laughing) - That's what we've come to. Okay, all right, I respect that. - Do your job, man. (Link laughs) Come on! (Link whimpering) (Link gags) (both retching) - Aye, it's so greasy. - Aw man! I tried! - Aye, tried. - I tried to get it down. (Link grunts) - Aye. - I embarrass meself. (laughs) (Rhett grunts) (Link coughs) I don't like the boys to see me do that. - I go back into my corridors to retch. - I do that on my own. Oh. - Woo! Okay we tried. - I mean I'll bite a little bit of this. - Bite yourself a pigeon. I don't really think you can get pigeon. It's probably pheasant? - It's like a baby turkey. - It's pigeon. (crew laughing) - It's pigeon, we got pigeon. - That's not bad. Pigeon not bad after eating grouper eyeball. (chuckles) - Okay. Dark. (adventurous music) Okay, now we're finally getting to the third most iconic pirate movie of all time. - "Captain Phillips." - "Pirates of the Caribbean." We're there now. Okay despite popular belief, most pirates were not raw vegan and in fact, in times of desperation, they were known to actually eat the flesh of fellow pirates as teased in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest." (rhythmic drumming music) - He just bit the nail off.