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  • - Today our stomachs walk the plank.

  • - Let's parlay about that.

  • (groovy electronic music)

  • - Good Mythical Morning.

  • - Before we get to the matter at hand,

  • do you want to make an appearance

  • on the official Mythical Instagram?

  • - Yes. - Well tag @Mythical

  • while wearing Mythical apparel and accessories

  • and you just might get picked to be featured on the account.

  • I like it, heart.

  • - It is International Talk Like A Pirate Day

  • which is the world's third most celebrated holiday

  • right behind International Listen Like A Pirate Day

  • and International Emotionally Understand Like A Pirate Day.

  • - Oh okay so to celebrate,

  • we're turning our stomachs into the seven seas

  • and somehow catching scurvy in 2019

  • by bringing food from iconic pirate movies to life.

  • It's time for

  • Real Fake Food-- (Link coughs)

  • (Rhett laughs)

  • Pirate Edition. - You okay?

  • Hold your arms up. - I don't if I can--

  • - Hold your arms up-- - I don't know if I can

  • keep up with this.

  • - Okay, pirates were known to feast on things

  • like suckling pigs and salted meats and that sounds great

  • but when things got desperate and their Postmates drivers

  • were taking too long, crews were forced

  • to eat truly disgusting things.

  • - So today we're gonna be chowing down on some meals

  • we've recreated from our favorite pirate movies

  • and by the end of this, we'll have a better understanding

  • of why pirates were always talking about their booty.

  • - (chuckles) Arr.

  • (adventurous music)

  • - Okay let's begin with one of the most iconic pirate movies

  • of all time.

  • - "Pirates of the Caribbean."

  • - "Hook."

  • It had swashbucklin', walking the plank,

  • and enough pirate food to feed an entire generation

  • of lost boys, watch a clip.

  • - I cannot-- - Wait for what?

  • Whether it be three days or three decades,

  • he will always be a fat, old Pan.

  • Oh I hate being disappointed, Smee,

  • and I hate living in this flawed body

  • and I hate living in Neverland and I hate,

  • I hate, I hate Peter Pan!

  • - Can you imagine how frustrating it was to film that?

  • Nope, nope, nope, move it.

  • - Lining it up. - Move the hook.

  • Move the hook, nope, move the hook.

  • Hoffman, move the hook.

  • That was Hoffman's peak by the way, not "Rain Man."

  • Okay, according to famous ex-pirate William Dampier,

  • pirates sometimes ate fried locust so it's safe

  • to assume that Smee, that other guy's name was Smee--

  • - Yes. - Spit out a fried locust.

  • - Bring in the locust to the bow!

  • - Avast, ye mateys. - Oh yeah.

  • - I be a modern pirate.

  • Would you guys like to buy a copy of

  • "Where'd You Go Bernadette"?

  • (Rhett laughs)

  • I downloaded it from BitTorrent.

  • - No thank you. - All right.

  • - I can tell you're a modern pirate 'cause of your glasses.

  • - Oh yes, I go to that Lens Crafters.

  • - [Link] Oh.

  • (Rhett laughs)

  • Sponsor? - Oh wow.

  • He's got at least 10 DVDs back there.

  • - Oh my gosh so-- - And more on my hard drive.

  • - Woo! (Rhett laughs)

  • Smells like fertilizer.

  • - It actually smells like Red Man.

  • - You talking about chewing tobacco?

  • - Yeah. - Not a sponsor.

  • - It's has like-- - Lens Crafters

  • and Red Man. - It has a chewing tobacco,

  • not that I would know.

  • Not that I grew up in North Carolina and tried it once.

  • - [Link] Okay.

  • - [Rhett] Okay I'm just gonna pick one.

  • - And what do we have here?

  • - This is grog. - That is grog.

  • - (chuckles) This is, okay, apparently

  • the fresh sea water on pirate ships was so disgusting

  • that they had to add alcohol to make it palatable

  • so this is algae-filled water with rum.

  • I really don't understand this at all.

  • - It gets ya drunk.

  • And that's all you need. - Smell that, that's worse.

  • - Oh!

  • - It's like I need to wash this down with a locust.

  • - Smells like an alcoholic aquarium.

  • Come on, man. - You have a handful?

  • - Yeah. - Okay, why not?

  • - Gotta get your protein on the ship.

  • Dink it, knock it.

  • Knock it back.

  • - Wow. - Not bad.

  • - There's no flavor on that.

  • - It's kinda sour.

  • - Lots of protein though.

  • - Looking at it kinda freaks me out.

  • But tastin' it, it's just like eating dried up corn husks.

  • - That makes a nice pirate sound.

  • - Glug glug glug glug glug.

  • - Now from the look of this and the smell of it,

  • it does seem like something that people

  • in Silverlake would be like, "Have you had the grog?"

  • - That's where you live, isn't it?

  • - Yes, I used to live in Echo Park.

  • (Rhett laughs)

  • - And they would drink it and make bitter faces

  • but try to act like they were enjoying it.

  • - Yeah they would. - They would also pay $14

  • for a small cup of it.

  • - It's vegan.

  • - [Rhett] It's not bad.

  • - Oh, it's-- - It's not bad.

  • It's totally worth the money I just threw on it.

  • - It's horrible, put your face in an un-cared for aquarium--

  • - It's not bad. - And just suck it down.

  • I mean that's really what this tastes like.

  • - It's not bad, can you tell?

  • - Not a pirate's life for me.

  • - If you make this face, it actually tastes okay.

  • - I'm already makin'.

  • (adventurous music)

  • Now moving onto the second most iconic pirate movie

  • of all time.

  • - "Pirates of the Caribbean."

  • - The 2002 Disney film "Treasure Planet."

  • - Okay I haven't heard of that.

  • But we really wanted to make a pirate meal from space.

  • - Yeah. - Or as I like

  • to call it, the eighth sea.

  • - Oh (chuckles), all right,

  • let's see what these space pirates ate.

  • (adventurous music)

  • - Here, now.

  • Have a taste of me famous bonzabeast stew.

  • (Delbert sniffs)

  • - Mm!

  • Delightfully tangy, yet robust.

  • - [Silver] Old family recipe.

  • (Delbert gasps)

  • - Well the fact that it has a eyeball coming out

  • of it makes me unhappy that we're tasting bonzabeast stew.

  • - Yeah that's what we're gonna have.

  • We're gonna have bonzabeast stew served to us

  • by our very own other pirate. (chuckles)

  • - Yarr.

  • I be a Pittsburgh Pirate.

  • - I see that. - I kinda misunderstood

  • the assignment. (Rhett laughs)

  • Here's your-- - I like the way you did

  • a half-assed pirate accent though.

  • - Trying to yeah, re-claim it.

  • Arr. - There you go, Chase.

  • - [Chase] Arr.

  • - (chuckles) Wow.

  • - [Link] What, but Chase, tell me what's in this.

  • - Arr, okay. (Rhett laughs)

  • So this is our bonzabeast stew.

  • It's got pickled herring, anchovies, pigeon meat,

  • grease grits and a buncha eyeballs.

  • (Link gags) Arr.

  • - Eyeballs. - That's a half a pigeon.

  • (crew laughing)

  • - [Link] And that right there is an eyeball.

  • - Is it a pigeon eyeball?

  • If so their eyes are a lot bigger

  • than I remember. (chuckles)

  • - What is this an eyeball from?

  • - Probably lamb.

  • - Yarr, they be grouper eyeballs, yarr.

  • - It's a fish eyeball. - Grouper, okay.

  • That's better.

  • - I don't, I don't know about, I don't know about this.

  • - Oh I know about it.

  • - What you know about this?

  • - I know it's gonna be very difficult to eat.

  • - Eyeballs. - But I think you gotta

  • put yourself in that frame of mind

  • that you've been out on the sea.

  • - Yeah and I'm just bobbin' around.

  • - You know you're gonna just throw it up later anyway.

  • - I'll eat the pigeon part, you eat the eyeball part.

  • - No, we both have to, the eyeballs are the best part, man.

  • Aye.

  • - Aye, ball.

  • (Rhett chuckles)

  • Arr, ball.

  • - There's some kinda weird elementary school joke

  • about the vowels.

  • Aye, arr.

  • (Rhett grunts)

  • I'll come up with it later. (both laughing)

  • Oh, eye. (chuckles)

  • That's the joke, I didn't even realize I made one.

  • - That's what we've been saying the whole time.

  • - (chuckles) Yeah.

  • Hey, get it yourself an eye and let's eat it, man.

  • - Get it yourself an eye.

  • At least I'm gonna pick a small one.

  • There's not a small one.

  • - You know how it's gonna go.

  • It's gonna be really hard to eat this,

  • there's glass in it, you know.

  • It's got that lens part that's really hard.

  • It's not glass, I realize that, but it's very hard to eat.

  • Just bite down on it, come on, let's just,

  • do your job.

  • (both laughing)

  • - That's what we've come to.

  • Okay, all right, I respect that.

  • - Do your job, man. (Link laughs)

  • Come on!

  • (Link whimpering)

  • (Link gags)

  • (both retching)

  • - Aye, it's so greasy.

  • - Aw man!

  • I tried!

  • - Aye, tried.

  • - I tried to get it down. (Link grunts)

  • - Aye.

  • - I embarrass meself. (laughs)

  • (Rhett grunts)

  • (Link coughs)

  • I don't like the boys to see me do that.

  • - I go back into my corridors to retch.

  • - I do that on my own.

  • Oh. - Woo!

  • Okay we tried. - I mean I'll bite

  • a little bit of this.

  • - Bite yourself a pigeon.

  • I don't really think you can get pigeon.

  • It's probably pheasant?

  • - It's like a baby turkey. - It's pigeon.

  • (crew laughing)

  • - It's pigeon, we got pigeon.

  • - That's not bad.

  • Pigeon not bad after eating grouper eyeball. (chuckles)

  • - Okay.

  • Dark.

  • (adventurous music)

  • Okay, now we're finally getting to the third most iconic

  • pirate movie of all time.

  • - "Captain Phillips."

  • - "Pirates of the Caribbean."

  • We're there now.

  • Okay despite popular belief, most pirates were not raw vegan

  • and in fact, in times of desperation,

  • they were known to actually eat the flesh

  • of fellow pirates as teased in

  • "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."

  • (rhythmic drumming music)

  • - He just bit the nail off.