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  • Perhaps the Constitution envisions certain one-size fits all solutions...

  • Booorrrring! I hear a foghorn! Boorrrrinnng!

  • Élegislature override a gubernatorial veto...

  • Guboringital! I--I'm not feeling any... romance between us right now.

  • You gotta do it like this: Shawtayee! Ready, set, go!

  • This was a pretty remarkable week on the gay marriage front.

  • -First of all, to have a state like Iowa -Whatchoo tryna say about Iowa?

  • - Not the east coast state... - East coast!

  • - Not the left coast state... - Left coast!

  • In a decision written by a republican appointee.

  • Shawty, now you soundin so fine!

  • Give me your number, we can bump and grind.

  • Talkin about politics all night. Leavin the club in the mornin light.

  • If we get carried away (mornin light...) we might get gay-married today.

  • We just heard from some of our viewers who

  • strongly support legalizing marijuana.

  • Shawtayee, 5 of those calls was from me.

  • Do you think we should legalize pot alone or all drugs,

  • including heroin, cocaine, and meth?

  • My brain says no, but my body says yes!

  • I'm an angry gorilla. I heard you needed me.

  • (ooh oh ah ah) Now that Captain Richard Phillips has been successfully rescued,

  • the president has decided to step in front of the spotlight...

  • Ooh, I'm angry! You can't see it, but my forehead's veiny.

  • And even take some credit for authorizing the mission.

  • Well, don't you worry, baby boo.

  • You'll always have an angry gorilla to be angry with you.

  • That's what I do. Just ask Donkey Kong. He's in my crew.

  • At the North Pole, new satellite photos show arctic ice is melting so fast.

  • Oh snap, how fast?

  • Many scientists now predict it will be gone within 30 years.

  • Surely you jest! I'm under cardiac arrest, shawtayee!

  • Some researchers think it could disappear in just six... (Shit!)

  • Without it there could be a snowball effect. (Ohhhh)

  • With temperatures rising even faster,

  • if we all don't take bold action and take it soon, (Yeah)

  • We will find ourselves on very thin ice. (Very thin ice)

  • Very thin ice. Very thin ice.

  • Tell em, Hillary, pirates on very thin ice.

  • These pirates are criminals. They are armed gangs on the sea.

  • That means the ocean

  • The United States does not make concessions.

  • Or ransom payments to pirates.

  • Embarrassing... Sorry guys.

  • Uh, sorry. Uh... I gotta take this.

  • Hello, shawtayee, we can meet up at the mall. (At the mall!)

  • Browse around at the bookstore, mentally ball until we fall.

  • Love you too, grandma.

  • Ah... sorry. Any other questions...? Anybody you wanna buy drugs? From me?

  • Auto-Tune the News (auto-tune the news) Auto-Tune the News (auto-tune the news)

  • Everything sounds better auto-tuned.

Perhaps the Constitution envisions certain one-size fits all solutions...

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