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Let's turn now to one of my favorite countries
to talk about.
You guessed it,
Turkmenistan.
That's right. All my Turkmens in the audience say, "Hey!"
-Love you guys. -AUDIENCE: Hey!
Oh, wow. You're not Turkmenistani.
Cultural appropriation.
Now, you may not know this, but for the last 12 years,
Turkmenistan has been ruled by this man--
-Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov. -(laughter)
He is a dictator with a poor record on human rights,
and for the last few weeks, there have been rumors
that he is actually dead.
But before you celebrate this ruthless dictator's demise,
you might want to think again.
Whispers about the health
of Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov
began swirling in July
after he hadn't been seen in public for weeks,
but now the country's state broadcaster
has aired a 25-minute report showing him
carrying out multiple tasks.
They range from bowling and horse riding to composing music
and driving a rally car.
(engine revving)
Okay, this is... so amazing.
Instead of the president coming out
and just saying, "I'm not dead,"
he decided to cast himself in The Amazing Race?
Is that what this is?
Like... like what is he doing?
(applause)
Because you realize,
none of this proves that he's alive, right?
A video of someone in a music studio doesn't mean
that they're currently alive.
I can show you a video of Tupac in a music studio,
and he's not alive.
Or is he?
(laughter)
(cheers and applause)
Now, there are a couple of things you have to know
about President Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov.
One-- his natural enemy is the name tag.
-(laughter) -And secondly...
Secondly, he's basically turned his whole country
into a cult of personality.
Everything he does as leader
is about showing off how perfect he is, how everyone loves him,
how everything he does is tremendous.
And I'm sure Americans can't relate to this,
but that's how it works over there.
You know, those Third World countries.
And that's what makes the state TV footage so amazing.
For example, he could have just showed himself bowling.
No, no, no, that's-that's not enough.
Bowling is not enough, right?
Just watch how state TV edited the bowling footage
to make him look super cool.
(male newscaster speaking in foreign language)
(laughter)
(laughter)
Wow! Wow!
(applause)
Amazing! Amazing!
Such amazing bowling by such a living person.
Yay!
That's some of the worst editing ever.
The ball is clearly heading towards the gutter,
and then all of a sudden, it cuts to a strike?
Doesn't even look like the same lane.
And I know what you're saying right now.
You're like, "Oh, Trevor, you're just jealous
'cause he's more athletic than you."
No. Okay, I'm super athletic. Watch this.
You guys... you guys ready? I'll show you my athleticism.
Do this thing. Let's do this.
-(grunts) -(people whooping)
(laughter)
(cheers and applause)
See that?
Swish, swish. I'm alive, bish!
(laughter)
And the perfect bowling wasn't even close
to the craziest part of the footage state TV put out,
because at one point in the video,
he gets into a car, drives across the desert
and then does this.
(upbeat music playing)
(male newscaster speaking in foreign language)
(engine revving)
Okay, Turkmenistan, the good news is
that your president might be alive.
The bad news is
that your country is being swallowed by hell.
(laughter)
What is that?
So those are the clips
Turkmenistan state TV has released
to prove that their leader is still alive.
And you know what? We shouldn't be surprised
by how crazy these clips are,
because this guy is actually known
for putting out the best propaganda videos
we've ever seen.
My favorite personally is this one,
released a few months ago,
of him and his grandson rocking out. 00:04:20.426 --> 00:04:22.362 line:0% (singing in foreign language) 00:04:29.568 --> 00:04:32.372 line:0% (rapping)
Huh? Huh?
(cheers and applause)
That's the new "Old Town Road," baby.
This guy does it all.
He sings, he plays guitar,
he has weird sexual tension with his grandson, everything.
So, that's the latest news from Turkmenistan.
We don't know if the president is really dead or alive.
What we do know is,
he's definitely killing it on the charts.
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Turkmenistan’s Leader Wants Everyone to Know He’s Alive | The Daily Show

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林宜悉 published on September 17, 2019

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