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Michael Cohen told Congress
that President Trump is a racist,
a con man, and a cheat,
which would have been big news
if it wasn't also the slogan for Trump's 2020 campaign.
But it was interesting to hear Cohen give examples
of Trump's racism in private settings.
He once asked me if I could name a country
run by a black person that wasn't a shithole.
This was when Barack Obama was president of the United States.
And while we were once driving
through a struggling neighborhood in Chicago,
he commented that only black people could live that way.
And he told me that black people would never vote for him
because they were too stupid.
What?
Black people wouldn't vote for you, Trump,
because they're too stupid? No, Donald.
Actually, the reason black people wouldn't vote for you
is because of your trash-ass weave.
Look at that thing. What is that?
Where did you get it from?
It looks like you couldn't afford the good shit from India,
so you just had to take it off the horses in Central Park.
That's-that's why black people didn't vote for you.
Also, the 50 years of well-documented racism.
But mostly the weave, my friend!
Now, in response to Cohen's racism accusations,
the Republicans on the committee put forward
an airtight response to prove
that Trump is the least racist person you will ever meet.
Mark Meadows bringing in Lynne Patton,
who works for the administration,
as proof that Donald Trump is not a racist.
I asked Lynne to come today in her personal capacity,
uh, to actually shed some light.
It has to do with your claim of racism.
She says that,
as a daughter of a man born in Birmingham, Alabama,
that there is no way that she would work
for-for an individual
who was racist.
Bravo. Bravo.
They used the "black friend" defense.
"I cannot be racist, because,
as you can see, I have a black friend."
There are so many things about this that I find funny.
One, whenever the Trumps are accused of racism,
they always bring the same woman.
I don't know if you've noticed that.
Like, if you can only bring one black person every time,
something tells me you don't have black friends.
And, also, I wonder how many times she has to show up
to places because of something racist Trump has said.
Like, it feels like she has to bail him out.
At 3:00 a.m., she's probably getting texts from Trump, like,
"Quick, Lynne, I need you to come down to the golf club.
"I thought someone was Steve Harvey,
but it was not Steve Harvey!"
Just, like, assign, like, a-a Bat-Signal for her.
It's like a Black-Signal. Just like, "Save me!"
And, now, Cohen made it clear that he had no hard proof
of Trump coordinating with Russia during the campaign,
but he did share one memory that,
looking back on it, says, you know,
that it could be proof that Trump knew
about the infamous Trump Tower meeting.
Don Trump Jr. came into the room
and walked behind his father's desk,
which, in and of itself, was unusual.
People didn't just walk behind Mr. Trump's desk to talk to him.
And I recall Don Jr. leave...
leaning over to his father
and speaking in a low voice,
which I could clearly hear,
and saying, "The meeting is all set."
And I remember Mr. Trump saying,
"Okay, good. Let me know."
You know the best part of that little story isn't
that Trump may have known about the Russia Trump Tower meeting.
It's that Don Jr. doesn't know how to whisper.
(laughter)
And Cohen had plenty of other revelations today.
You know, details on Trump
potentially committing campaign finance crimes
by paying off Stormy Daniels,
uh, and how he fraudulently used his charity
to pay for a portrait of himself,
and how Trump influenced Cohen to lie
about his business dealings with Russia.
But Trump supporters on the House committee--
they kept coming back to the same point.
Why should we believe Michael Cohen?
I don't believe that Michael Cohen is capable
of telling the truth.
Michael Cohen-- fraudster, cheat, convicted felon,
and in two months, a federal inmate.
How on earth is this witness credible?
He's a fake witness, and his presence here is a travesty.
You're about to go to prison for lying.
How can we believe anything you say?
The answer is, we can't.
Look at the old adage that our moms taught us--
"Liar, liar, pants on fire."
No one should ever listen to you and give you credibility.
Uh... whose mom taught them, "Liar, liar, pants on fire"?
I'm pretty certain that was a kids-to-kids thing.
That wasn't a mom thing.
"As my wise mother always said to me,
"'I know you are, but what am I?'
That's what my mom said all the time."
And look, these Republicans do have a point, right?
As Cohen himself has admitted, he lied to America
on behalf of Donald Trump for ten years.
In fact, he's soon going to prison
partly because he already lied to Congress.
So, why take his word on any of the stuff?
Well, we may not have to take his word,
because Cohen also brought the receipts.
I am giving to the committee today
three years of Mr. Trump's personal financial statements.
I am providing a copy of a $35,000 check
that President Trump personally signed
from his personal bank account on August first of 2017,
when he was president of the United States.
...a copy of the $130,000 wire transfer.
I'm giving the committee today copies of a letter
I sent at Mr. Trump's direction
threatening these schools with civil and criminal actions.
Mr. Trump directed me to threaten his high school,
his colleges and the college board
to never release his grades or SAT scores.
(laughter)
Okay, that... that part is just hilarious.
How bad were Trump's grades
that he threatened to sue his school if they release them?
"Like, I swear to God, if you tell anyone
I got a G-minus in math, I will destroy you!"
Or maybe we assume that. Maybe it's something else.
Maybe Trump doesn't want anyone finding out
he got an "A" in Spanish.
He's just like, "If this gets out,
my supporters are gonna be so mad."
(imitating Trump speaking Spanish)
"I mean, bad hombres. Build the wall!"
(laughter)
And, look, you almost can't blame Republicans
for caring more about protecting their president
than getting to the truth, all right?
That's just how politics works these days.
But Michael Cohen did have a warning for them.
I did the same thing
that you're doing now for ten years.
I protected Mr. Trump for ten years.
And I can only warn people,
the more people that follow Mr. Trump, as I did blindly,
are going to suffer the same consequences that I'm suffering.
Wow. That is a powerful, powerful, statement.
And in response, the Republican congressman replied,
"I'm rubber. You're glue.
I yield the remainder of my time."
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Michael Cohen to Congress: Trump Is a Racist, a Con Man and a Cheat | The Daily Show

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#THEY CANT STOP US published on August 4, 2019

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