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  • Uuh, hey guys it's me. Uuhh, the architect behind the exhaust ports on the Death Star.

  • I know, I know. "What a stupid design flaw.", "You are single-handedly responsible for the destruction of our ultimate weapon". I've heard it all.

  • I've gone a lot of guff from my superiors since the Death Star blew up, about my shoddy design.

  • I've been force choked, force lightninged, regular choked more times than I can count and all I can say in my defense is:

  • Are you *censored* serious?? I mean do you understand the point of exhaust ports? Do you know how much exhaust is created by a moon-sized battle station?

  • It housed a laser that blew up planets; it needs a lot of ventilation! The fact that it was able to keep the exhaust ports to the size of a womp rat should earn me some goddamn respect around here!

  • But let's talk about what actually happened.

  • So farm boy nobody shoots some bombs out of his x-wing straight ahead and they take a 90-degree turn

  • downward and go exactly, into the tiny exhaust port. They then travel miles in an insanely narrow pipe and hit the death star core.

  • Anything seem weird to you about that?

  • First of all, exhaust doesn't mean suck down. It means, pushed out. That's what it is, expelling gas

  • outward. As in, NOT in a direction that would suck down a bomb. If anything, it should've pushed the bomb away.

  • Wait, how did the bomb behave in a way that completely defies physics? Hmmm, oh I don't know.

  • Oh right: we live in a galaxy with magic space wizards!

  • "But Deck, all the magic space wizards were killed." Oh yeah, you're right except the farm boy who made the

  • shot just happened to be named Skywalker as in, Anakin Skywalker, the famous jedi, who mysteriously

  • disappeared the same day Darth Vader showed up!

  • The point being, maybe the exhaust port isn't to blame, because the the shot was literally not possible unless

  • you had magic powers.

  • Maybe if someone would have told me to account for space wizards when designing the exhaust ports we would still have a death star.

  • Maybe you should be blaming Darth Vader, who couldn't shoot down some farm boy.

  • Maybe you should all stop blaming the exhaust port, which actually did its *censored* job!

  • Thank you.

  • You know, he brought up some good points. Maybe we should let him in on these plans for the new Death Star?

  • Aaagh, forget it! The guy's a hack.

  • Anyways, about the X-wing sized hole that leads directly to the core...

  • You think that should be Millenium Falcon sized?

  • -Aahh, great thinking, Emperor! -Genius! Yes, yes, yes.

Uuh, hey guys it's me. Uuhh, the architect behind the exhaust ports on the Death Star.

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