B1 Intermediate US 145 Folder Collection
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Uuh, hey guys it's me. Uuhh, the architect behind the exhaust ports on the Death Star.
I know, I know. "What a stupid design flaw.", "You are single-handedly responsible for the destruction of our ultimate weapon". I've heard it all.
I've gone a lot of guff from my superiors since the Death Star blew up, about my shoddy design.
I've been force choked, force lightninged, regular choked more times than I can count and all I can say in my defense is:
Are you *censored* serious?? I mean do you understand the point of exhaust ports? Do you know how much exhaust is created by a moon-sized battle station?
It housed a laser that blew up planets; it needs a lot of ventilation! The fact that it was able to keep the exhaust ports to the size of a womp rat should earn me some goddamn respect around here!
But let's talk about what actually happened.
So farm boy nobody shoots some bombs out of his x-wing straight ahead and they take a 90-degree turn
downward and go exactly, into the tiny exhaust port. They then travel miles in an insanely narrow pipe and hit the death star core.
Anything seem weird to you about that?
First of all, exhaust doesn't mean suck down. It means, pushed out. That's what it is, expelling gas
outward. As in, NOT in a direction that would suck down a bomb. If anything, it should've pushed the bomb away.
Wait, how did the bomb behave in a way that completely defies physics? Hmmm, oh I don't know.
Oh right: we live in a galaxy with magic space wizards!
"But Deck, all the magic space wizards were killed." Oh yeah, you're right except the farm boy who made the
shot just happened to be named Skywalker as in, Anakin Skywalker, the famous jedi, who mysteriously
disappeared the same day Darth Vader showed up!
The point being, maybe the exhaust port isn't to blame, because the the shot was literally not possible unless
you had magic powers.
Maybe if someone would have told me to account for space wizards when designing the exhaust ports we would still have a death star.
Maybe you should be blaming Darth Vader, who couldn't shoot down some farm boy.
Maybe you should all stop blaming the exhaust port, which actually did its *censored* job!
Thank you.
You know, he brought up some good points. Maybe we should let him in on these plans for the new Death Star?
Aaagh, forget it! The guy's a hack.
Anyways, about the X-wing sized hole that leads directly to the core...
You think that should be Millenium Falcon sized?
-Aahh, great thinking, Emperor!
-Genius! Yes, yes, yes.

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The Death Star Architect Speaks Out

145 Folder Collection
周承毅 published on June 19, 2019
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