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  • Not even the AFC South? -No!

  • What about the Mountain West? -Doc I'm telling you,

  • there's no more football.

  • Now do that thing that makes us all sick.

  • In 1979 I ate a plate of fish so sour

  • that it nearly killed me with food poisoning.

  • It was disgusting and sometimes sports disgusts me too.

  • This is Sour Fish.

  • Alright, gaze into the rotten fish's rotten eye Doc,

  • what do you see?

  • The New York Knicks acquired a stomach-churning fish today

  • when they traded away a fundamentally sound team player,

  • Jeremy Lin for Monta Ellis,

  • a selfish, shot-heaving asshole who plays Knicks-style basketball.

  • New Yorkers deserve a player who reflects their values,

  • not a disciplined, articulate floor general like Jeremy Lin.

  • Ellis gives the Knicks the scranboard, fish poison they need

  • with his pigheaded chucker mentality, total lack of defense

  • and ability to completely stop caring.

  • Lin was no Knick. He looked for the open man

  • and drew fouls instead of missing reams of contested threes

  • and then pointing fingers at teammates

  • whose names he never learned.

  • Now that Lin's gone, the fans can watch Melo and Amare sulk

  • while Ellis tries to drive through triple coverage.

  • Okay, you've made me sick. Congratulations!

  • Next fish Doc.

  • I'm heaving up rotted fins just thinking of injured Derrick Rose

  • who announced that he'll play while strapped to a gurney

  • so he won't miss another minute of basketball.

  • He's a crippled genius.

  • One good shove on a fast break and no one's catching that gurney.

  • And you can use it in a trap on defense.

  • A long gurney is hard to dribble around.

  • You can't hide a sour fish on a fancy platter.

  • Rose is going to aggravate his injury

  • while putting himself at risk for bed sores.

  • Roll him up in the post

  • and he'll be able to take at least five charges

  • before the gurney breaks or he dies.

  • Kill your fish exit.

  • There's nothing he can do from a gurney

  • that he can't do better from a baby basket

  • worn by Omer Asik.

  • Don't talk about Turks, it puts me ill at ease.

  • Alright, what's the next corrupt fish coming up your gullet?

  • Spring training started this week and I'm already smelling sour cod

  • and festering white sauce

  • after hearing that Mariners' pitchers and catchers

  • have been too embarrassed to approach each other for a catch.

  • Pitchers hobnob with pitchers, the catchers stick together,

  • no one is crossing the diamond to ask for a pitcher-catcher toss.

  • It's pathetic.

  • The coaches need to break the ice.

  • Start light with some goofy knuckleballs and Eephus pitches,

  • and before you know it, they'll have some serious fastballs going.

  • Pansies! Back in the day Nolan Ryan would just start hurling fastballs

  • at whoever showed up.

  • They'd get the catcher's gear on real quick, believe me.

  • That's how you get the sour fish in,

  • throw it down their throat before it can swell shut.

  • My throat's never open around you Doc,

  • and for good reason. Okay, that's The Sour Fish.

  • When we come back, unfairly accused Lance Armstrong

  • blames 'roid rage in the murder of three Swiss doping investigators.

  • Awesome! Pebbling makes me happy.

Not even the AFC South? -No!

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B2 fish sour lin doc knicks jeremy lin

Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin For Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball

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    黃敏純 posted on 2013/10/29
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