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  • There are now 15 Democrats

  • running in the primary. That's so many people.

  • Look at all those faces.

  • Look at all of those faces!

  • They've got enough people

  • to start the world's worst soccer team.

  • And because there are so many Democrats running,

  • many Democratic voters are wondering,

  • "How do I know which one to choose?"

  • Well, for Ronny Chieng, the choice is clear.

  • Here's his report.

  • The 2020 presidential campaign. Like my afternoon poop,

  • it's not quite here yet, but I can already feel it.

  • Out of all the candidates,

  • there's only one I can see myself in.

  • I'm Andrew Yang,

  • and I'm running for president as a Democrat in 2020.

  • CHIENG: He's a successful businessman,

  • and I don't know if it's the cut of his suits

  • or the way he lights up a room,

  • but there's just something about this guy

  • that makes me want to vote for him based on zero research.

  • Okay, so, you're Asian.

  • You're running for president.

  • What else is there to know?

  • Uh, my platform.

  • Right. Uh, I thought your platform was...

  • being Asian.

  • There are many, many other Americans

  • who care more about my stance on the issues

  • than, frankly, uh, you know, what my race is.

  • -Which is? -Asian.

  • Yes. And that's all we need to know here.

  • Okay, let's wrap this up.

  • ♪ ♪

  • You know, uh, I think we should discuss my platform.

  • If you want to talk about what you believe

  • or whatever, go for it.

  • I'm gonna edit all this out, by the way.

  • I believe that every American adult at the age of 18

  • should get $1,000 a month free and clear

  • from the government to do whatever they want.

  • For working hard, right?

  • Oh, for being a citizen of this great country.

  • CHIENG: As his ads show,

  • Yang is all about universal basic income,

  • the idea that the government

  • should give everyone a monthly check,

  • even if they're not working.

  • You can't just give people free money.

  • That's the only reason people work.

  • If I was getting paid without having to work...

  • You can't quit your job on $12,000 a year.

  • It would it make so that Americans can transition

  • as technology is eating away many, many jobs.

  • Artificial intelligence is around the corner.

  • Oh, my God. Artificial intelligence?

  • Robots? That's your thing?

  • -Yes. -Dude, you are making it so hard

  • to blindly vote on identity politics right now.

  • Projections are that about 44% of American jobs

  • are subject to automation.

  • Self-driving cars and trucks are going to displace

  • -five million Americans who drive for a living. -Shit.

  • It's going to displace hundreds of thousands of bookkeepers,

  • lawyers and on and on.

  • CHIENG: According to Yang, everyone but me

  • should get ready to be replaced.

  • However, budget policy expert Bob Greenstein

  • doesn't think that will happen.

  • Robots are coming for some jobs,

  • but they're not going to replace all the jobs

  • or even most of the jobs.

  • But are you only defending robots

  • because you're a robot?

  • No, I'm not a robot.

  • Prove it.

  • Which of these squares has a stop sign?

  • -Three of them. -Yeah, point to the scares.

  • This one, that one, and this is the third.

  • Very good.

  • But I'm not sure I just proved I'm not a robot.

  • -What do you mean? -Well, maybe you could develop a robot

  • that could identify the stop sign squares, too.

  • What?

  • So, Bob might not be human, but he's got to recognize

  • that Yang's universal basic income is a winning idea.

  • UBI is a beautiful idea.

  • Thank you. That's all I needed to know.

  • Well, it actually isn't all you need to know.

  • The problem is it's a beautiful idea

  • that'll never really happen.

  • Ronny, it costs nearly $4 trillion a year.

  • Why wouldn't people vote for that?

  • Have you ever had someone wave cash money in your face?

  • -Not really. -It feels like this.

  • Can you feel that?

  • I can feel the wind.

  • That's some cash wind.

  • Where does the money for the cash wind come from?

  • But, Bob, it's no fun asking where this came from.

  • Policies only really work if they can happen.

  • In the real world...

  • CHIENG: I don't need to listen to Bob.

  • All he cares about is reality.

  • If this presidency has taught us anything,

  • it's that reality doesn't matter anymore.

  • Now we're going to have the space force

  • because it's a whole...

  • CHIENG: So, if Andrew Yang is gonna stand a chance

  • in this election, he's gonna have to learn

  • what really excites today's voters.

  • If we had a value-added tax at even half the European level,

  • -we'd generate... -You're using all these numbers

  • and all this nerd shit.

  • Listen, there's only one thing

  • that wins elections in America, okay?

  • That's fear and hate.

  • That's two things.

  • Okay, again with the numbers.

  • People are jobless, angry,

  • and ready to blame their problems on another race,

  • and robots are the one race it's okay to hate.

  • Yeah, well, robots aren't a race, for one.

  • Good, deny their humanity. That's a great first step.

  • The next time you campaign, I want you to go out and say,

  • "Robots are causing all the robot crime in robot Chicago."

  • -There is no Robot Chicago. -Doesn't matter.

  • We're not talking about truth. We're talking about hate

  • and fear and getting in power

  • for Asian people

  • and getting revenge on every single person

  • -who ever said we weren't good enough. -Yeah, I'm for...

  • I'm for none of those things.

  • Okay, good thing I'm here to help you out.

  • So, this is an ad we prepared for your campaign.

  • Andrew Yang knows America is being invaded by robots.

  • They're sneaking across the border,

  • taking the jobs we love

  • and imposing their same-sex robot sharia law.

  • Andrew Yang will stop the robots

  • -from banging your wife -(whirring)

  • and becoming your son's new dad.

  • Yang 2020.

  • You will not replace us.

  • What do you think?

  • It's kind of the opposite

  • of where we need to go.

  • So you do not approve this message?

  • No, I do not approve this message.

  • You do not what? Sorry, I missed that.

  • Approve this message.

  • And what-what is your name again?

  • I'm Andrew Yang.

  • Yang 2020.

  • (bleep) the robots.

  • (bleep) them to hell.

  • I'm Andrew Yang and I-- approve this message.

  • (laughs)

  • Ronny Chieng, everyone.

There are now 15 Democrats

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