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  • [Gabble bang]

  • Sold

  • [Applause]

  • well, im sure glad Tim and I stopped by for the studio auction, for 'OneStepCamp.org'. ...Plug

  • Well, I'm glad you shelled out all that exposition

  • Yeah, but why are we all in Black and White?

  • Oh, the colour was the first thing to go

  • Those two paid top dollar for it

  • Come Lurkey! We're going to put the colour back in the 'Last Airebender' movie!

  • Number 333, a DVD in peices

  • Some of you may recall, the strange film of, The Phantom of the Opera

  • [Shock gasp]

  • The Phantom of the Opera!?

  • Wasn't that supposed to be the grand adaptation of the epic Broadway musical?

  • Well yeah, brought to you by Joel Schumacher

  • The bat credit card guy?

  • [gun shot from off-screen]

  • 20! It deserves a Nostalgia Critic review

  • 30! Shark Jumping would do it better!

  • 40! You don't even review movies

  • 50! Your face looks weird when you smile

  • I just thought we were throwing out random insults

  • 60! It betrayed everything that was good about the musical

  • 70! It betrayed everything that was good about the book!

  • Somebody actually read the book?

  • Need I remind you that copyright around here

  • has been more tighter than this review series' budget

  • Doing a copyrighted movie, with copyrighted songs

  • might not be the best idea

  • oh, yeah

  • Well, Webber already stole from Pucinni

  • Maybe we can find a way to review it, despite all that

  • Well then, perhaps we may frighten way the joke of so many years ago

  • with a little

  • recreation

  • Gentlemen!

  • Oh, right it's just me

  • [Fandumb music plays]

  • The Phantom of the Opera was novel in 1909

  • by French author, Gaston Leroux

  • well its not the best novel in the world

  • it was still interesting and told in a unique way for the time period

  • kind of a bio-graphic recap

  • of falsified true events

  • you know, like in old school, This Spinal Tap

  • It follows the deformed phantom who lives in the sewers of an opera house

  • he's secretly giving voice lessons to a young ingenue

  • named, Christine Daae

  • and like any creepy teacher, the Phantom is also attracted to her

  • The morale of the story is about the beauty beneath the ugliness

  • a sentiment shared in many French stories like

  • Beauty and the Beast and Hunchback of Notre Dame

  • But, its not just about the music being beautiful but it's also about the

  • power of compassion and empathy

  • he suffers from his bad choices, while also being redeemed becasue of his good ones

  • The story was so timeless that they made film after film about and in 1986

  • Andrew Llyod Webber turned it into a smash Broadway Musical

  • so big that people were waiting for a movie to come about it

  • Webber and Schumacher first wrote the script all the way back in 1989

  • with original Broadway cast members Michael Crawford Sarah Brightman, set to star

  • but after a tough divorce between Webber and Brightman the movie

  • got delayed delayed util they just said, screw it, lets just throw in the guy from 300

  • which is what we're reviewing today

  • [Glass Smashing]

  • Or atleast trying to

  • What is it now, Hyper!

  • The only reason I agreed to play Carlotta is becuase I thought we were gonnna get a love scene

  • Carlotta's the singer who's jealous of Christine

  • she doesn't have any love scenes!

  • Why else would you cast me as the ego-centric, primadonna character then!

  • No hable ingles

  • ugh!

  • [Moan]

  • Whoa, whoa! Hyper fan girl you cant leave!

  • you score high in the 12 to 29 demographic

  • Plus with a subset of 65 to 70 year olds, we'd rather not talk about

  • I don't care I'm leaving

  • [Both] No no no no no

  • Great! Now whos gonna do the opening number?

  • Perhaps I can be of some assistance

  • Who are you?

  • My name is Aunt Despair and I've got a special connection with the studio

  • No you don't

  • I represent the fandumb ghost who has lived here for years

  • No he hasn't

  • He sends you, a message

  • I doubt that

  • He welcomes you to his production

  • Lady, I'd fire you if you worked here but you don't, so I'm just gonna call the cops

  • Fine, he just recommends that you replace Hyper Fan Girl with Beth

  • A chorus reviewer?

  • Eh, why not?

  • It'll just be like when Christine replaced Carlotta in the movie

  • Do you really have to spell that out?

  • You'd be surprised

  • [music starts to play]

  • [Music becomes grander]

  • Ah, Ah! Bravo!

  • That was amazingly adequate

  • Ya hear that?

  • That's your remarkably passable girlfriend

  • Honey, that was amazing!

  • how did you get so phenomally okay?

  • Well, I literaaly had a celestial being teaching me how to sing

  • Alright

  • uh, that doesn't seem weird to you?

  • Nope!

  • Does it charge alot?

  • No, totaly Pro-bono

  • Alright then

  • I guess if Christine in the movie can fall for a super natural entity

  • like a man pretending to be the angelic ghost of her father

  • then anything's believable

  • Well the funny thing is, is that this could work in some respects

  • in the book the phantom studied magicians and illusionists

  • to convince her, he wasn't human

  • but in the play and movie, a lot of this illusions just wouldn't look right

  • like mannequins that change facial expression

  • candles with moveable arms

  • and even shooting literal fireballs out of his hands

  • what is he, a super Saiyan?

  • hey, hey Beth

  • way to be phenomenally serviceable

  • hey, we were gonna go have a

  • god laugh by watching some of the movie, you wanna come with?

  • yeah

  • alright, good job Beth

  • not, not great just...

  • good

  • [laughing]

  • can you beleive the singing choices that they made in this?

  • And here comes the laugh riot himself

  • Gerard Butler

  • as the Phantom

  • [laughing off-screen]

  • he never even sang before!

  • And it shows!

  • It's no surpirse Butler was at the bottom

  • of a long list of actors in line to play the Phantom

  • this includes, John Travolta, Antonio Banderas

  • Meatloaf

  • Matthew Mcconaughey!

  • They even looked at Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway

  • I...guess that turned out well...

  • But then Schumacher saw Gerard Butler

  • in Dracula 2000

  • and thought, yes

  • that's the guy with no professional signing experience

  • who should star in my musical

  • and he was never grossly miscast again

  • The phantom is supposed to be a

  • dark, tormented creature who can teach you to sing like an Angel

  • Boom!

  • A Spartan jock

  • who signs like sandpapper

  • on an active machine gun

  • This is, this is fun what we're doing

  • I like this

  • um..

  • ...open the door

  • yeah thats right

  • turn the knob

  • you've done this a million times

  • very good, push don't pull

  • that's a common mistake

  • don't forget to close it behind you

  • you weren't raised in a barn

  • there you go

  • oh! good god it smells terrible down here

  • what is that?

  • Well it's a sewer what do you expect?

  • It kinda sucks out the romance!

  • What, if the audience can't smell it

  • you can't smell it!

  • put your hand down

  • Wait, you signing verbally or mentally?

  • you keep going back and forth

  • ugh, come on

  • 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,280 (to self) It's Scottish doing French doing English

  • sing, marginally well

  • That's actually a little too good

  • No! you sound interested in what you;re signing

  • don't do that

  • More breathing

  • more gasping

  • have the lungs of an asthmatic

  • Stop!

  • you sound like a person people would actually

  • pay money to listen to

  • remember your training!

  • Sing like me!

  • What was that?

  • Sorry! My insticts took over

  • or that of my years of actual experience

  • from someone who doesn't sound

  • like a dying moose

  • Hey!

  • Ya gonna feed me or what?

  • Ugh, yes yes

  • i will feed you soon

  • Yeah, was that a horse

  • did I ride on a horse?

  • Not that you cared!

  • do you know how hard it is to raise a horse in the sewer?

  • But it was done in the movie

  • so I am bound to it

  • yeah but it didnt make sense in the movie either

  • The Phantom puts Christine on a horse

  • and honest to god, horse in the sewers

  • and carries her for only like a few steps

  • that I'm pretty sure she could have walked by herself

  • But wasn't it a magical couple of steps?

  • chicks dig horse, I read this

  • [From horse of-screen] Food!

  • Shut up!

  • And on top of that the horse is never seen again

  • he just disappears

  • where does the Phantom keep a horse?

  • Why does he keep a horse?

  • How the hell did the horse attain the strength

  • to carry a human being, if he breathed

  • French raw sewage his entire life

  • Yeah sure it was "in the book"

  • but Andrew Llyod Webber took a lot

  • out for the musical version

  • and this was just about the worst thing they could have put back into the movie

  • Well, have ever considered the possibility that I'm

  • giving the horse signing lessons too!?

  • What?

  • oh yes

  • I teach horses very differently

  • from how I teach women

  • Oh!

  • I was wondering why my signing

  • never sounded like yours

  • I have also taught him the classic

  • Phantom movie method of seduction

  • Show her Buttercup

  • But I need to exercise outside

  • for muscular stability

  • Just do it

  • ugh, fine

  • [coughing]

  • o..kay!

  • I think you've got the wrong idea of what made the Phantom sexy

  • What do you mean?

  • yeah come on this is pretty hot

  • The Phantom's seductive nature wasn't

  • from physical strength

  • or, three quarters good looks on his face

  • it came from his passion for music and his confidence as an artist

  • and while his dominace and control

  • normally came through psychological manipulation

  • here it from a open shirted swordfight

  • and even then he loses

  • so they couldn't even do that right

  • Fine, I guess I'll return you home

  • don't know why I thought

  • mirror-napping you would draw you any closer to me

  • anyway

  • Oh good finally

  • god knows everyone's missing me back at the studio

  • Hey, know where Beth went?

  • I don't know