B1 Intermediate US 505 Folder Collection
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[Gabble bang]
Sold
[Applause]
well, im sure glad Tim and I stopped by for the studio auction, for 'OneStepCamp.org'. ...Plug
Well, I'm glad you shelled out all that exposition
Yeah, but why are we all in Black and White?
Oh, the colour was the first thing to go
Those two paid top dollar for it
Come Lurkey! We're going to put the colour back in the 'Last Airebender' movie!
Number 333, a DVD in peices
Some of you may recall, the strange film of, The Phantom of the Opera
[Shock gasp]
The Phantom of the Opera!?
Wasn't that supposed to be the grand adaptation of the epic Broadway musical?
Well yeah, brought to you by Joel Schumacher
The bat credit card guy?
[gun shot from off-screen]
20! It deserves a Nostalgia Critic review
30! Shark Jumping would do it better!
40! You don't even review movies
50! Your face looks weird when you smile
I just thought we were throwing out random insults
60! It betrayed everything that was good about the musical
70! It betrayed everything that was good about the book!
Somebody actually read the book?
Need I remind you that copyright around here
has been more tighter than this review series' budget
Doing a copyrighted movie, with copyrighted songs
might not be the best idea
oh, yeah
Well, Webber already stole from Pucinni
Maybe we can find a way to review it, despite all that
Well then, perhaps we may frighten way the joke of so many years ago
with a little
recreation
Gentlemen!
Oh, right it's just me
[Fandumb music plays]
The Phantom of the Opera was novel in 1909
by French author, Gaston Leroux
well its not the best novel in the world
it was still interesting and told in a unique way for the time period
kind of a bio-graphic recap
of falsified true events
you know, like in old school, This Spinal Tap
It follows the deformed phantom who lives in the sewers of an opera house
he's secretly giving voice lessons to a young ingenue
named, Christine Daae
and like any creepy teacher, the Phantom is also attracted to her
The morale of the story is about the beauty beneath the ugliness
a sentiment shared in many French stories like
Beauty and the Beast and Hunchback of Notre Dame
But, its not just about the music being beautiful but it's also about the
power of compassion and empathy
he suffers from his bad choices, while also being redeemed becasue of his good ones
The story was so timeless that they made film after film about and in 1986
Andrew Llyod Webber turned it into a smash Broadway Musical
so big that people were waiting for a movie to come about it
Webber and Schumacher first wrote the script all the way back in 1989
with original Broadway cast members Michael Crawford Sarah Brightman, set to star
but after a tough divorce between Webber and Brightman the movie
got delayed delayed util they just said, screw it, lets just throw in the guy from 300
which is what we're reviewing today
[Glass Smashing]
Or atleast trying to
What is it now, Hyper!
The only reason I agreed to play Carlotta is becuase I thought we were gonnna get a love scene
Carlotta's the singer who's jealous of Christine
she doesn't have any love scenes!
Why else would you cast me as the ego-centric, primadonna character then!
No hable ingles
ugh!
[Moan]
Whoa, whoa! Hyper fan girl you cant leave!
you score high in the 12 to 29 demographic
Plus with a subset of 65 to 70 year olds, we'd rather not talk about
I don't care I'm leaving
[Both] No no no no no
Great! Now whos gonna do the opening number?
Perhaps I can be of some assistance
Who are you?
My name is Aunt Despair and I've got a special connection with the studio
No you don't
I represent the fandumb ghost who has lived here for years
No he hasn't
He sends you, a message
I doubt that
He welcomes you to his production
Lady, I'd fire you if you worked here but you don't, so I'm just gonna call the cops
Fine, he just recommends that you replace Hyper Fan Girl with Beth
A chorus reviewer?
Eh, why not?
It'll just be like when Christine replaced Carlotta in the movie
Do you really have to spell that out?
You'd be surprised
[music starts to play]
[Music becomes grander]
Ah, Ah! Bravo!
That was amazingly adequate
Ya hear that?
That's your remarkably passable girlfriend
Honey, that was amazing!
how did you get so phenomally okay?
Well, I literaaly had a celestial being teaching me how to sing
Alright
uh, that doesn't seem weird to you?
Nope!
Does it charge alot?
No, totaly Pro-bono
Alright then
I guess if Christine in the movie can fall for a super natural entity
like a man pretending to be the angelic ghost of her father
then anything's believable
Well the funny thing is, is that this could work in some respects
in the book the phantom studied magicians and illusionists
to convince her, he wasn't human
but in the play and movie, a lot of this illusions just wouldn't look right
like mannequins that change facial expression
candles with moveable arms
and even shooting literal fireballs out of his hands
what is he, a super Saiyan?
hey, hey Beth
way to be phenomenally serviceable
hey, we were gonna go have a
god laugh by watching some of the movie, you wanna come with?
yeah
alright, good job Beth
not, not great just...
good
[laughing]
can you beleive the singing choices that they made in this?
And here comes the laugh riot himself
Gerard Butler
as the Phantom
[laughing off-screen]
he never even sang before!
And it shows!
It's no surpirse Butler was at the bottom
of a long list of actors in line to play the Phantom
this includes, John Travolta, Antonio Banderas
Meatloaf
Matthew Mcconaughey!
They even looked at Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway
I...guess that turned out well...
But then Schumacher saw Gerard Butler
in Dracula 2000
and thought, yes
that's the guy with no professional signing experience
who should star in my musical
and he was never grossly miscast again
The phantom is supposed to be a
dark, tormented creature who can teach you to sing like an Angel
Boom!
A Spartan jock
who signs like sandpapper
on an active machine gun
This is, this is fun what we're doing
I like this
um..
...open the door
yeah thats right
turn the knob
you've done this a million times
very good, push don't pull
that's a common mistake
don't forget to close it behind you
you weren't raised in a barn
there you go
oh! good god it smells terrible down here
what is that?
Well it's a sewer what do you expect?
It kinda sucks out the romance!
What, if the audience can't smell it
you can't smell it!
put your hand down
Wait, you signing verbally or mentally?
you keep going back and forth
ugh, come on
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,280
(to self) It's Scottish doing French doing English

sing, marginally well
That's actually a little too good
No! you sound interested in what you;re signing
don't do that
More breathing
more gasping
have the lungs of an asthmatic
Stop!
you sound like a person people would actually
pay money to listen to
remember your training!
Sing like me!
What was that?
Sorry! My insticts took over
or that of my years of actual experience
from someone who doesn't sound
like a dying moose
Hey!
Ya gonna feed me or what?
Ugh, yes yes
i will feed you soon
Yeah, was that a horse
did I ride on a horse?
Not that you cared!
do you know how hard it is to raise a horse in the sewer?
But it was done in the movie
so I am bound to it
yeah but it didnt make sense in the movie either
The Phantom puts Christine on a horse
and honest to god, horse in the sewers
and carries her for only like a few steps
that I'm pretty sure she could have walked by herself
But wasn't it a magical couple of steps?
chicks dig horse, I read this
[From horse of-screen] Food!
Shut up!
And on top of that the horse is never seen again
he just disappears
where does the Phantom keep a horse?
Why does he keep a horse?
How the hell did the horse attain the strength
to carry a human being, if he breathed
French raw sewage his entire life
Yeah sure it was "in the book"
but Andrew Llyod Webber took a lot
out for the musical version
and this was just about the worst thing they could have put back into the movie
Well, have ever considered the possibility that I'm
giving the horse signing lessons too!?
What?
oh yes
I teach horses very differently
from how I teach women
Oh!
I was wondering why my signing
never sounded like yours
I have also taught him the classic
Phantom movie method of seduction
Show her Buttercup
But I need to exercise outside
for muscular stability
Just do it
ugh, fine
[coughing]
o..kay!
I think you've got the wrong idea of what made the Phantom sexy
What do you mean?
yeah come on this is pretty hot
The Phantom's seductive nature wasn't
from physical strength
or, three quarters good looks on his face
it came from his passion for music and his confidence as an artist
and while his dominace and control
normally came through psychological manipulation
here it from a open shirted swordfight
and even then he loses
so they couldn't even do that right
Fine, I guess I'll return you home
don't know why I thought
mirror-napping you would draw you any closer to me
anyway
Oh good finally
god knows everyone's missing me back at the studio
Hey, know where Beth went?
I don't know
eh, who cares
get a dress on
eh, whatever
[Nostalgia Critic Theme song plays]
Okay, according to this the next song
is the note song
Oh god, is that one of those songs that's supposed to be funny
because everyone talks really fast?
very clever, so maybe
Oh, im sorry
are we done?
like, finally done?
like the idea of people talking over
each other, isn't nearly as funny as you think it is done!
Okay
Please sirs another text
Just read it
Why, according to you guys
I don't even work here
I'll just let him read it
Ow
Bitch
Gentlemen
I have sent you several text messages
on my cell phone
ruining an otherwise sensible data plan
I shall give you, one last chance
Hyper Fan girls, not too good you see
and I molded Beth
into something like me
in the new reviewing
of the Phantom
you will therefore
cast dear fan girl
as the toilet
and give the starring role
to bland subpar Beth
I will watch the performance
from my normal seat
which, like the movie
would be very easy to capture me
if you wanted too
but you won't
because you are stupid
should these demands be ignored
something really
really
really
really really bad will happem
maybe I'll shit in the buffet or something
but probably not that
since I just gave it away
by the way don't eat the soup
I remain your obedient servant
F.G
My review
That was such a hilarious
needed
not over staying its welcome song
that I pray
like in the movie
and play
you have another
hilarious, needed not over staying its welcome song
right after that one!
[signing]
Hyper Fan Girl
Fan-Fiction
Okay I'm not subjecting you to that!
especially when the movie has a set up that supports it so little
In the play, it makes sense
why the owners would want Carlotta over Christine
she's the bigger name
but in the movie
the fans are asking for Christine
in fact, they literally tell Carlotta
her public needs her
right after the people cry out for Christine
that not only makes no businesses sense
it makes no common sense
have you ever considered the possibility
that maybe everybody on the production was high?
No, I think that's just you Chester
Oh good
so I must be imagining Beth not you
right now
Dah!
Sweet cheeks!
you're back!
Oh yeah, im fine you know
don't bother sending out a search party for me or whatever
sorry, we've been really busy
yeah like a phone call
or one of those milk cartons
we were singing such a funny song
maybe a amber alert!
everyone was singing
over top of everyone else
it was
so hysterical
okay
okay, do you wanna call the police
about this guy that kidnapped you?
I couldn't do that to him
alright then
do you just wanna go
grab a bit or something?
I said
i couldn't do that
to him!
maybe Macaroni Grill?
well, while they're doing their dress porn
do you guys wanna go shoot the next scene?
does Andrew LLyod Webber
like to use five melodies?
[Nostalgia Critic off-screen] Action!
Critic! You have to put me in the lead!
That's right
we just sang a song about it!
Hyper, what's this really about?
I thought we were over
yeah, but
it's hard to let things die
well you're gonna need to start
[sad music starts playing]
now if you don't mind
I'm busy
alright lets take it from the top
there there, pay no heed to him
here
I'll show you some analytics
Oh that's a pity
I will smoke three J's in her honor
Ah!
Woah! This stuff works fast!
The fandom hears you like
making fun of his movie
saying everybody's high
Yeah, but if you know me
you know that's not really an insult
It's time to destroy you!
Just as Beth is about to become the lead
But wait! Why would you do that?
you ruin her chances of becoming a big hit
It's just like in the movie
where in the play the death of the stagehand
can be interpreted as the Phantom
fighting of an attack from him
in the movie
he clearly goes after the stagehand
during Christine's big moment
Thus completely sabotaging her success
But why would he want that!
One thing to understand about a fandom
They rarely make any sense!
Well, guess I'm gonna blow up
No Chester, the Phantom doesnt have a bomb
the entire movie's the bomb
Critic that wasn't a stunt
this man is dead
Oh my God!
Okay, lets shoot the love scene
What!
You want us to confess our love for another
after we just watched a man die?
Sure!
they did in the movie
They see a guy hang
They escape to the roof
They start making out
it's a totally natural thing to do
oh, okay
if it's natural
it is trust me
murder is a total aphrodisiac
now, start the music
I can't
Yeah, those chunks of Chester are distracting
clean up!
No, I mean
I...I can't sing this
You're a wonderful singer
snugglebottom
Thanks little dumpling
but that's not what I'm talking about
I'm too good to sing this crap
In the Phantom movie
a bunch of people who couldn't carry a tune
were allowed to record their own vocals
but they insisted on dubbing over Minnie Driver
who actually can sing
so if she was too good to sing that crap
I'm too good to sing this crap
Okay, that's bullshit
if they dubbed the people who can sing
then don't dub the people who can't
we are not dubbing anyone in this musical at all!
Now
start singing with your natural voice
[with the critics voice]
Cut!
beautiful
and it is now currently six months later
Wait it is?
Oh yeah
in the play there's a narration to show the passage of time
but in the movie it's an incredibly sloppy transition
look! you're even engaged now!
oh yeah, so I am
care for a painful analogy for what's happening in the show
as well as our lives?
Does anybody else thinks it odd
that we're signing about how colorful everything is
and the only color is faded black and urine yellow?
hey, I'm just amazed at how lame that guys red death mask is
Hey buddy!
nice dollar store costume!
red death is supposed to be like this extravagant outfit
you look like Zorro
the gay blade stunt double
[fandom music plays]
Organ music
must be the fandom yo!
It is
I have written you a new musical to perform
a self inserted fanfaiction
that is destined to become a classic!
It is the sequel to the Phantom of the opera
everybody has always wanted
what if the Phantom and Christine had sex the night before the wedding
and Raoul is a drunk broke gambler now
and the Phantom is super succesful
and hosts a carnival
and Christine totally still loves him
and her ten year old son
is actually the Phantoms son
and when she dies in the end
the son goes to live with the Phantom forever
I'd say you've been reading Hyper Fan girls live journal for too long
This review is still mine
you will sing for me
Okay just don't sing for us!
Trap door
I'm not sure why we had that installed
Oh great, now we have to do a sequel
to that crappy musical
Wait
you didn't like the stage play?
No, I mean its not bad
it doesn't represent the original story
it misses the point
on lots of occasions
I don't know what to say
like every Phantom fan
the idea of someone not like the show is inconceivable to me
You do know it wasn't a critical hit when it came out right?
the only reason it ran for 30 years
is because Rudy Giuliani murdered all the homeless
and slack jaw rubson ohio suddenly weren't afraid to go to Times Square anymore
Away with you!
Wait Beth, where are you going?
Where all sappy dramatic musicals lead
Why does no-one remember what an amazing novel you were?
Sorry?
oh, nothing
just remarking on something pretty close to me
how watching it fade is kinda like losing a friend
Yeah,
I know what you're talking about
And I thought my problems were bad
Yes yes, boo hoo
Beth, after all I've done for you
tell me your hatred for the musical is not true
I mean it's okay
but it took out the best parts of the book
and stupid 80's synth cheese
Damn you!
I know Beth
the movie can be pretty tough to get through
No, I was talking about the play
I know, the movie
that's what I said
I've come to grips with it
no, I'm talking about
Let me live in my denial
Okay
You!
you betrayed me
I'm fed up with this world
now I will show you the true meaning of pain
Ha Hey, yeah!
not so tough are yah
hey, word of advice jackass
the Phantom is not a sword fighter
he's an illusionist
literal smoke and mirrors to trick people
where the hell does a guy in a sewere
even learn sword fighting?
The horse! Of course
everyone knows they're master swordsman!
why else would you keep one around?
en garde ass munch
well you're about to be put out of your misery
No Critic
not like this
yeah, yeah
yeah I think like this
We have to do it, like in the movie
even though we have him cornered
and can end the blood shed right now
we have to perform his magical play
setting up a trap to catch him later
I have a horse pointing a sword at me right now
and that makes more sense than anything you just said
Just do it
Fine
but if a cast member and or building
gets destroyed I'm blaming you
I have an idea
Alright, lets wrap up this stinker
Wait, I'm confused
why am I wearing the mask now?
Becasue in this version, Raoul is the real monster
so, we're having him wear the mask instead
Then how come its jut a little bit of paint under here?
Oh, that's from the movie!
But in every version of the story, the Phantom is horribly deformed
usually in really creative and distinct ways
how come this version looks like a bad sun burn?
Because the Phantom is visually sexy now
not psychologically
It's no worse than giving him a carnival freak show backstory
okay, lets begin the song with Tim
Phantom, what are you dong?
I...
I do not know no Phantom
I am Tim whatever my last name is!
It's so obviously you
you just wanna do a love scene in front of the world with
what the hell is going on here?
why are there two Fandumbs?
There's only one original Phantom around here
oh my God
is that
Michael Crawford!
Yes
The young lady
alerted me that my honor was being threatened
okay, way to go Hyper
This is absurd
Alright Crawford
show that no talent hack, what real singing is!
Were we knocked out or something?
You'll wish you'd stayed that way
You know
this guy sounds pretty silly too
You think!
You know
maybe this play isn't as
flawless as I remember it
I gotta admit
only time I believe the chemistry
My mask!
ah ha, now we'll find who the Fandumb really is!
I got a feeling the butler did it
[together] Andrew Lloyd Webber!
oh I was way off
buddy?
yes, it was me all along
Wait a minute, your singing sounds just like Gerard Butler
That's why you cast him
Yeah and this whole thing was just for your stupid Phantom sequal
which was so bad its never been shown in the US
and this from the country that turned 'Bend and Snap' into a musical number!
Well you can't blame a guy for trying can you
You murdered a man!
Oh yes that's true
well, I'd better be off then
What the hell?
Oh yes, don't you know?
horses fly
My God, everyone should get a horse!
I'm sorry I did what I did Critic
I felt if one of us could remember the truth about the past
Well
maybe we both remember the past a little differently
can we still be friends?
Only if we're the best!
[car horn]
Oh, that's my date
What!
you were dating someone while you were trying to still get me?
I have a life outside of you, Critic
[Devil Boner] Come on Baby! Wer're gonna be late to the Pottery Barn
Oh you!
So, what can we say about Phantom of the Opera?
I mean like, all of it
The book definitely stands on its own as a solid piece of work
but even I'll admit
that it lends itself to a lot of interpretations
whether its, Lon Chaney, creeping through the sewers in 1925
or a god awful video game from the mid 90's
so even if one isn't your cup of tea
you know there are several right around the corner
the musical has a lot of cool things about it
but it's also very flawed
with tons of plot holes
clumsy lyrics
and weird character choices
to the movies credit, they tried to fix some of these problems
but in doing so, they create a slew of others
The movie is not a very good adaptation of either the novel or the musical
but in all fairness, it's not without some good moments
the sets are nice
the cinematography can be good
but the most important investments
like character and music completely miss the mark
one thing all of these have in common though
is that they are an experience
whether it be through words
music, or bat shit crazy film choices
The Phantom will always leave us asking the question
"What the hell did I just watch?"
But hey, atleat its not 'Love Never Dies'
I'm the Nostalgia Critic!
[together] And We're Shark Jumping!
and...
lets go buy a horse
aren't they amazing!
They're just so practical
Um...
Should I just show myself out?
hello?
don't go!
so be it!
I'm forced to show myself out the door!
Food!
Shut up!
Hey, Doug Walker here
doing the charity shout out
and you know I was gonna do another charity
but then I realized we had a plug for OneStepCamp.org
and I'm like, eh, lets do it again!
There's plenty of other charity's we'll get too
uh, you know in future videos and such
but the more I was thinking about it
I'm like this is such a good charity
and we've had, uh, first hand contact with them, we've been to this camp
this is a camp for children who have cancer
and we've seen it in action
uh, we've seen it wrap up with all these children coming together
and uh, at the closing ceremony and everything
I mean its like
it's a phenomenal thing they're doing because when
you get this disease, you're immediately kinda isolated from everybody
and you feel isolated
and this is a place where all of these kids can come together
and they can be just be a kid
they can do every day stuff without feeling like an outsider
and it's one of those places where there's so much love
there's so much togetherness
there is so much hope, there's so much joy
and so many of these kids who go there just say
it's one of the best experiences of their lives
and its just a phenomenal thing
and if you go to their website, if you go to their youtube channel
and you look up all this stuff
you'll see all the incredible work that they do
and it's just such a good cause
so many good people there and like I've said, we've had first hand experience with them
and they're just so fantastic
so, please definitely go check out their website
and definitely donate if you can
because it's going to such a fantastic cause
so thank you so much for watching
and yeah, next week we'll have a different charity
but trust me when i say it, it's worth two shout outs
uh, we've actually done several shout outs for them in the past becuase we like them that much
and uh, he we are doing it again
so, yeah, that's about it
I'll see you next time
take care
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Phantom of the Opera - Nostalgia Critic Musical Review

505 Folder Collection
陳明頤 published on March 19, 2019
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