So that's why I thought I would sit in front of my garden

We have this garden, which is really really tiny

But it suits me because we don't have a lot of time to to take care of it

So but I love having it anyway. Anyway

today, I want to talk about a special topic called "Dying To Be YOU". So instead of dying to be me, it's for you.

It's about dying to be you

And before I go into it, please let me know if my sound levels are okay if the video looks okay

Can you hear me? Can you see me? If there's anything

that's

that's not quite working

Let me know because we only realize it from your feedback how we're doing and also, you know

just pop in say hey and later on I'm gonna go into questions, but what I love is

questions that directly relate to the subject and you'll know more about the subject as I talk about it and

while I'm at it I just want to also say I

apologize to the people whose questions we don't pick up or we don't see or we don't take. I do go back and read later

And then sometimes I'll pick a few questions which I then address the following week, which is what I'll do today.

it's really hard to actually catch everyone's questions because the comments move so fast while the

you know, while we're actually broadcasting. So anyway, I see a comment from Kelly Deegan. Hello. Hi Kelly

so

today

I'm talking about dying to be you

and the reason for this topic is because I still get a lot of people who write to me and

they say things like

they wish they had their own NDE in order to understand or in order to get the level of

understanding that I speak about and

So one of the reasons that I share what I share is because I believe it is possible

for you to get that level of clarity without actually dying. That's why I share it. If I didn't think it was possible

I wouldn't be here telling you and making you feel frustrated and

because I share it not because I want you to think hey

I got that level of clarity and like nay nay and boo boo. No, that's not the reason why I do it

I do it I share it because it's like okay. I know what happened and I think

everybody can access it. That's why I share it and

people, a lot of people who have read my book

actually write to me and say thank you for explaining it. I get it

and it changes their lives and

It gives me a lot of satisfaction to hear that

but I still get a lot of people who say that it's easy for you to

experience what you're experiencing or for your life to go the way it is or for you to understand but you died

For us without having had that experience, how can we have it? So that's what today's topic is about and

my belief is that you actually CAN die to who you are

Judy Huang has commented you look and sound perfect. Thank you, Judy. By the way, Judy, thank you for everything

you do. Judy translates my videos into Chinese. She puts Chinese subtitles on them

So please check her out

Please check out her YouTube, but we will be including those subtitles on the videos on my youtube channel

So thank you Judy for everything you've done

Really, I am so grateful to you

So anyway, I actually believe it's possible

for you to die to the person you were yesterday up until yesterday

So here's what I learned while I was in that near-death experience

that leads me to believe that we can all die to who we were and be reborn if that's what we want

So this is what happened to me. I literally died to the person I was. I was this person

who was the people pleaser, the doormat

The one, the person who got so drained and so tired and who would feel so guilty doing anything for myself

that it took cancer for me to actually start taking care of myself

And even then I worried more for other people than I did for myself, even when I had cancer

It was more important to me that other people perceived me correctly or that I wasn't

misinterpreted or that I still worried more about what other people thought and felt than I did about taking care of my own

well-being and it only took death for me to understand it

But here's what I understood in death. What I understood is that who I was before

was shaped by my past conditioning and here's the thing. My past conditioning

was beyond my control

because you are born into it. You may have chosen it from before you were born, but

from the level of this perspective

everything that's happening to you as a child as you're growing up, things that you're buying into, things that you're believing, things that you're

conditioned to believe, none of it is your fault

But they become the filters through which you start to view the world

They become the filters through which you shape your life. Tell me if you think I'm making sense

So here's what it is like, to give you a solid, a tangible example. For me,

I grew up in a culture that was not my own culture. So I looked different

I was bullied at school because I looked different. I was darker skinned

I was hairier, you know, I had more facial hair and hair on my arms and and my hair was frizzier

and I was darker and so I looked different and I was bullied for that and it shaped me into believing that

my physical appearance

was inferior because of my

because of my color because of the color of my skin because of the way I looked

I remember one boy when I was a kid

He actually said to me that I was ugly and that's stuck with me and I really and I believed it

And so what does this do when you start to believe things like that?

What it does is that it makes you hide; it makes you shy away from other people

It makes you afraid to be seen as opposed to

wanting to be seen, so it changes who you are

but it also changes your experience of the world. Now, imagine if you look

if you are somebody whose appearance that everybody around you approves of and is attracted to and

people are saying, oh my gosh, you're so cute, you're so beautiful

You're so gorgeous. Gorgeous. You're so amazing

what that... what that does to you is that it makes you want to be seen; it makes you

want to attract attention and of course that could bring about its own filters and its own

layers and its own

problems maybe later in life that maybe as you lose your looks and you're not a scene

it might bring about an insecurity. But here's the thing.

as we are growing up, we can't control that

But as adults

we still carry that baggage with us and we don't realize it and

we think that what we see is the world around us

We think we're seeing the truth, but actually what we're seeing is through our own filters

so let me give you an example. After growing up being discriminated against for the color of my skin and

believing that it that I was inferior for being... for being browner than everyone else around me or being darker than everyone else

around me

let's say if I'm getting on a flight or something and I get

and I get singled out for a random security check. My head is immediately going to think

Oh, it's racial profiling. Now it may truly be a random security check

But my head is going to assume it's racial profiling because I've been racially

discriminated up to that point and this is what I mean. So you start viewing the world through these filters and

your experiences of the world will start to mirror those filters because

as I said

if you don't want to be seen, you will not be seen, but then

when you notice the people who want to be seen are the ones that are getting chosen and

maybe it's got nothing to do with your appearance or maybe as an adult, people don't

you know, notice your appearance anymore or you you look different as an adult because as I grew up I

did actually start to take more of an interest in how I looked and I I did actually

let's say remove the extra facial hair and, and had my hair done in certain ways, which looking back

I don't think I needed to. However I wanted to fit in. But what happens is

even if I were to look stunningly beautiful at some point that

conditioning has already been

done. It's implanted

I'm still going to

view the world through those filters and I'm still going to process my experience through those filters and I'm going to try

harder than the person who never got discriminated against. I'm gonna try harder than them to fit in

I'm going to try harder than them to be more like them and this is what we end up doing

So what I'm trying to say, so now let's say as an adult

I'm not being discriminated against but I'm going to assume I am, so I'm going to

hide or be more invisible while someone else who's never been discriminated against is

going to be more visible because they're not afraid of being more visible and they're the ones that are going to get picked and chosen

for the part in the movie or

for whatever reasons. They're the ones that are going to get heard; they're going to get seen and that will continue to fuel

my own belief that it's because of my color that I am being treated inferiorly. Does that make sense? In other words

I'm bringing it on myself

by hiding by making myself smaller. I'm bringing it on myself because I believe

that I am inferior and less than because I don't want to be criticized

I don't want to be hurt. It was so hurtful when that happened to me

so I'm gonna protect myself with this layer of coating and

so as I do that, people don't see me and then it feeds into those beliefs and this is how we create

our reality in our world around us based on our past conditioning

What happens is that if you decide to

die to your past conditioning and you decide to just wake up with a fresh clean slate and

see the world for what it is

through clear glass filters with no different colors and layers and things added to it

you will see a very different world and I promise you you will and then you can decide

who am I actually and how do I want people to perceive me?

and you can then choose to add what you want to add because remember when you were a kid, you didn't have a choice

You were being shaped by the environment around you and you just believed it

You bought into it into your education system, your peers, your schoolmates

You just wanted to fit in. It was a survival mechanism at that time. If you were being hurt, you developed layers

so to protect you from being hurt, so it was totally a survival mechanism

Today as an adult when you can see that's what it was

you can choose to put that down and that's what having the near-death experience was

It was putting all that down. It was seeing that it was all the accumulated layers and

coming back reborn with a clean slate as an adult and

deciding what I wanted to take on.

An analogy I like to use which as I've told you, I'm writing my third book which is called "Sensitive as the New Strong"

I actually describe this by using the analogy of if you

imagine that you are carrying, as an adult

you're carrying this backpack with, say, a 20 pound bowling ball in it

it could be a 15 pound bowling ball, 20 pound bowling ball, and you're carrying this backpack every

single day, every single day and you don't put it down and

you look around you and everybody's got their own backpack

Even when you go to sleep, you literally... it just falls off your shoulder when you fall asleep

But when you get up in the morning, you're like, okay