*suspense*

That this scene has been parodied so much that no one could take it seriously anymore.

*gasp*

Eren: THE TITANS ARE GONNA EAT US 'CUZ WE'RE CATTLE!

Mikasa: But we have walls.

Hannes: and there's no way they can break through the front door.

*sounds of excruciating pain*

*sounds of excruciating pain in background*

Probably.

Eren : OH GOD, WE GOTTA SAVE MUM!

Carla : Oh Eren, put your back into it!

Hannes : Have no fear, I'm here to save the day!

Hannes, Thank god!

Alright, I need you to help Eren-

FUCKING RUUUN!!!!

HANNES, WHAT THE FUCK!?

HANNES, MY MUM!

Fuck ya mum!

Mum: Fuck you, Hannes!

NOOOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooo

Oh God, this is not what I thought when I clicked this link!

*humming Guren no Yumiya*

JAEGER!

*clap* Nailed it!

Eren, how are you feeling?

FROM THIS DAY, I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL EVERY LAST TITAN!!!

BUT NOT BEFORE I DANCE ON THEIR GRAVES!

WHEN I'M SHOWERING IN THE BLOOD OF ALL THE TITANS I'VE MASSACRED, THEY WILL KNOW THE NAME!

EVERY LAST DAMN ONE I'M GONNA FUCKIN- *constant rambling*

Mikasa : Is he still going?

Armin : Yep. :I

EVERY TITAN WILL DIE AT MY HAND!

JESUS EREN IT'S BEEN TWO FUCKING YEARS SHUT THE FUCK UP!

So, do you like titans?

Oh my god.

NO, FUCK THEM ALL, I'LL NEVER SUBMIT!

Welcome to Military school, all of this training will probably be useless

Because 90% of you will die anyway.

SIDE CHARACTERS, INTRODUCE YOURSELVES.

Sasha : I'm an internet meme!

Annie : I have a great ass when it's titanic.

I'M GOING TO BE FORGOTTEN!

I'M GOING TO BE ALIVE!

*silence*

*distant shout* TOO SOON!

Jean : Well I'm going to be an actual interesting character

Shut up Jean or Jeaaan

come back when you're a main character.

*sad violin*

Hey hold on a second, I have screentime!

Don't listen to him, you're my main character

Shut up Marco, come back when you're not a disposable character.

*sad violin*

*sad violin* TOO SOON!

CONGRATULATIONS ON GRADUATING, YOU ARE NOW

OFFICIALLY CERTIFIED CANNON FODDER!

I now have all the weapons I need to kill the titans.

Actually, last time I checked, edge isn't actually a weapon.

*internal thoughts* Don't listen to her, those stupid titans don't stand a

chance against me.

*thunderbolt*

Why don't you say that against my face you lil' bitch

THE TITANS HAVE INVADED!

Looks like we get to fight titans!

I AM SLIGHTLY FRETFUL OF THE THOUGHT OF FIGHTING TITANS!

I STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH YOUR SENTIMENT THERE!

WHY ARE WE ALL SHOUTING!?

I DUNNO, ISN'T THIS HOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO

COMMUNICATE IN THIS SHOW?

WHAAAAAAAAT?

*epic music over the shouting*

WHAAAAAAAAT?

GUYS I JUST PISSED MYSELF!

GRRRRRRRR!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

GRRRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

POTATOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEE!

*series of deaths*

WHAT THE FUCK? EVERYONE IS DEAD!

Except for me, 'cuz I'm the main-

Yeah, your boyfriend/brother is dead.

Hey, he's not my boyfriend...

...yet.

Gross.

Do you even know why he means so much to me?

Here Mikasa, have this dumb scarf!

OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE HE GAVE ME A SCARF

IT SMELLS SO GOOD MAYBE IF I WEAR IT ENOUGH

HE'LL START TO NOTICE ME AND THEN WE'LL START DATING

AND THEN GET MARRIED AND GET A BUNCH OF KIDS

AND THEN KYAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Do you like it?

Eh, it's alright.

THAT'S RIGHT, WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING ANYMORE?

Guys, did you see that titan, what do you think it could possibly be?

Eren, Eren, Eren, Probably Eren

Seriously who else is it gonna it be?

Oh come on! That's way too obvi-

oh look it's actually eren

oh wow, oh my god i knew this- see that? *constant rambling

god that's such a surprise(!)

Fuck you all.

YOU HAVE EXACTLY 5 MINUTES TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF

BEFORE WE BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!

Armin, everyone thinks I'm now a threat to humanity

It's up to you to convince them. I trust you'll know how to.

*clears throat*

*large inhale*

DON'T SHOOT DICKHEAD!!1

*they shoot*

Pixis : Maybe instead of killing our only hope, we should

use him to plug up the wall!

That's a great plan sir, you should probably tell everyone

RIGHT SO LISTEN UP!

We are going to take back the wall

from the Titans

So, hear this plan

What we're going to do is

*inaudible*

He does realize he's like, 200ft up now, right?

WE'LL TAKE THEIR LIVES, AND TURN IT UPSIDE DOWN,

PRINCE OF BEL-AIR STYLE!

Nope, he has absolutely no idea.

BUT THAT IS THE PLAN, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?

*extremely far away* whaaaat?

Alright, did you catch all that?

Get Eren so triggered by his titan self that he punches

himself in the face.

YeeeEEES!

Hey Eren!

Guess what?

YOU'RE A TITAN!

*mocking laughter*

Do it, do it again!

Ah wait we should probably get him to carry the boulder.

Outta the way guys, this thing is quite heavy.

~Unravel playing~

Excuse me, I'm walkin' here.

*scoff* Where am I?

Wait a minute, you're the-

Erwin : Survey Corps.

Levi : Scouting Regiment.

Scouting Legion.

Recon Corps.

Whatever.

Yes, and I'm Captain Levi.

*fangirls scream*

Uhh, what was that?

Ignore that.

So Eren, remember this key which opens your basement?

That's gonna be a HUUUGE plot point now?

Would you mind telling us what's in it?

Yeah, I remember. My dad told me before..

Hey dad, what's in our basement?

Ah, sure thing son, it's called:

Go read the fucking manga.

God damn it.

Every bloody time.

Alright, in the trial of whether or whether not we should execute Eren Jeager,

will both side please state their cases?

Kill him.

Don't fuckin' kill him, please.

Compelling arguements!

How does the wall religion view this?

As a follower of the wall, it is our belief that

any foreign object will pose a great threat to us,

As foretold long ago by our founder and Supreme Prophet,

Lord Trump.

Does the defendant have anything to say?

Okay, Eren you can get through this the best way you know how:

DOES SHOUTING REALLY LOUD SOLVE MY PROBLEMS?

*grunt* yeah

stop

urghuh, again.

oof, ahh

stoooop.

aww baby yeah

GRRR STOP!

guh, ahahuh!

as

STOP.

*tattletale* Captain, Eren's enjoying it!

Eren, stop enjoying it.

aghfff

more!

yeh

Stop.

Eeerrrren!

AUGH

Is this really how the Fuijoshis saw this scene?

Look, enough of this. I propose that from now on that

Eren will be supervised by me privately at all times.

Eren : OH GOD YES!!!

God damn it.

SUSTAINED! Under the notion that all fans now think

you have this weird dominatrix thing going on with each other.

Now that that's over, allow me to introduce my crew.

Dead 1

Dead 2

Dead 3

and Petra

Petra : I'm the only one who everyone cares about

because I'm a cute girl.

What about her?

Hange : TITANS MAKE ME HORNY

*silence*

Did I just hear that correctly?

Yes.

No.

Enough of this! Survey Corps, head out.

But first, we CLEAN!

Oh god, seeing you clean makes me so wet.

Levi: What?

Eren: Whut?

*Indiana Jones theme*

Eren : Wait how long are we gonna be riding on these horses?

Oh, about 5 episodes or so.

WHAT?

How have we gone from years passing in a single

episode to spending half an arc on a fuckin' horse?!?

What is this arc even about?

That titan's got a nice ass.

FUACK!

Aw, what the fuck is that?

Don't worry Eren, it's all part of Erwin's failsafe plan.

Erwin : It's all part of Erwin's failsafe plan.

Mission Success!

*powerful scream*

*another thunderbolt*

Mission Failed!

Levi Squad, get her!

*A-Team theme*

*cut*

*bash*

*kick*

oh no, levi squad...

they're dead...

*scream of anguish*

*stomp*

PETRA! NOOOOOOO!

*crunch*

*distant shout* NICE PUNCH JACKASS!

Oh my god...

EREN CAN YOU STOP GETTING EATEN ALREADY?

Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything myself?

*action music and fangirls screaming*

Well, I dunno about you but I'd call this mission a complete bust.

Erwin : JUST ANOTHER DAY FOR THE SURVEY CORPS!

*Seinfield theme plays*

*Seinfield theme plays* ehehehe

MY ENTIRE TEAM IS DEAD!

I know we're all feeling a lil' bit down but we figured out

Annie is the female titan even though it's blindly obvious to everyone watching,

Even for blind people.

And I have an absolutely foolproof plan to lure her into a trap

What's the plan?

Annie, come with us, please, please, pleeeaaasee?

no.

It didn't work!

Erwin: *far away* God f*ckin' damn it!

*EXPLOSION*

Eren, now would be a great time to get angry.

That's my secret cap. I'm always angry.

*crunch*

AAAAAAAHHHHH! GOD IT HURTS SO MUCH!

Was something supposed to happen?

I DON'T KNOW, IT JUST SOUNDED REALLY COOL IN MY HEAD.

Lemme give it another shot.

*deeper crunch*

*weep* IT HURTS EVEN MORE THIS TI-HIH-HIIIME!

E-e-reen, turn into a titan.

I'm trying okay!?

You're not trying hard enough!

WHAD'YOU WANT ME TO DO?

OH GOD EREN JUST SHUT UP AND GET IN THE GOD DAMN TITAN

*Armoured Titan Theme*

Armin : Is it just me or does this look like very forceful titan sex?

Jean: God, don't make it weird, Armin!