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  • There are many great reasons to visit Japan.

  • I had three trillion of them.

  • In Japan, the first thing that comes up if you Google "Conan," is an anime character named Detective Conan.

  • He's a man who's trapped in a child's body.

  • Hello, Conan!

  • And this really blew my mind.

  • They have a city named Conan Town.

  • Clearly, someone's been making a ton of money off the Asian version of me for 24 years.

  • So the other night, I reasonably asked Japan to pay me three trillion yen.

  • Next week, I am flying to Japan and coming to Conan Town to collect my money!

  • I'll be there!

  • I landed in Tokyo and almost immediately felt out of place.

  • Luckily, I found someone who would help me fit in.

  • I'm here at a company called Japanese Lunch.

  • They teach etiquette, language, culture.

  • This is Miss... - Hirayama.

  • You are going to help teach me...

  • Yes.

  • How to be very polite and proper while I'm in Japan, yes?

  • Okay.

  • -Konnichiwa. - Konnichiwa.

  • - Konnichiwa. I just met you. - Yes, yeah, yeah.

  • Yes, what's the matter, what did I do?

  • You push me.

  • I pushed you? I didn't push you.

  • - Was I too close to you? - Yes, yes.

  • Japanese people just bow.

  • - Bow and no touch. - Then...

  • - No shake hands. - Yeah.

  • Then this distance is very comfortable.

  • I am a hugger, I like to hug, is that bad in...

  • - No...no... - I'm a hugger.

  • No, I am not your girlfriend.

  • You're not my girlfriend?

  • - Mhm. - Okay.

  • - No. - No?

  • I hug, I mean, we can talk about that later.

  • Yeah, you are not my type.

  • Why am I not your type, what's wrong?

  • Face.

  • Face?

  • What's wrong with my face?

  • I like...

  • - Just anyone else? - Beard.

  • Anyone else is what you're saying?

  • Anyone else here.

  • Keep the distance.

  • So you keep your distance.

  • - Alright, so not too close. - Mhm.

  • Bow from the waist.

  • -Then... -Have a different face completely.

  • Clearly an ugly non-starter.

  • - You have a business card? - Well, you show me yours.

  • Hirayama desu. Douzou yoroshiku. (Japanese)

  • Ah.

  • Not ah.

  • What, did I just ah?

  • I just went ah, meaning, "Yeah, ah, I see."

  • What, what's wrong with ah?

  • Rude, sounds rude, ah.

  • Okay, alright.

  • Hirayama desu. Douzou yoroshiku. (Japanese)

  • You have a name card?

  • - I have card, yes. - Yes.

  • - Do you want to see my card? - Yes.

  • There it is, that gets the attention.

  • - You like that? - Your eyes, your eyes, I don't like your eyes.

  • - You don't like my eyes? - Yes.

  • In America, you don't tell people your face is ugly, and I don't like your eyes.

  • - I don't say ugly. Not my type. - You said not my type.

  • Yeah, okay...but you keep saying that, you've said it many times.

  • Just...ah, too close, too close, respect my space.

  • Do I need to bring a gift when I enter a home?

  • - Do I bring a gift? - Yes, yes, yes.

  • Is it rude to give money?

  • Cheap.

  • Cheap, so not money.

  • - Not money. - Not money.

  • No, thank you.

  • Did you want the belt, do you want the belt?

  • No.

  • Watch, could I give you my watch?

  • Yes!

  • - It's a nice watch. - Yes, yes, yes, please.

  • Yes...yeah...okay.

  • Arigatou. (Japanese)

  • Unbelievable.

  • Arigatou. (Japanese)

  • Oh, now you hug, right?

  • - Thank you. - Okay.

  • I'm getting that back once we're done shooting.

  • What kind of Japanese do you know now?

  • - Now? - Mhm.

  • - I know there's different kinds of sushi... - Just a moment, please.

  • Ueda-san, she's my assistant.

  • - Oh. - Ueda-san.

  • Where was she, you were just hiding in the corner?

  • -Yes. -Oh.

  • Did you hear everything that she said about my face?

  • Yes. Sumimasen. (Japanese)

  • Do you agree with her about my face?

  • No, very handsome, I think.

  • Oh, well, hello.

  • If a man sees an attractive woman in Japan, can I go (purring sound)?

  • Do you like that? (purring sound)

  • This is my first to see a human being make those kind of...

  • You haven't seen a human being make those noises before? (purring sound)

  • - Like a sheep. - Yeah...no!

  • So you want to know ordering food...

  • - Yes. - Or greetings?

  • Excuse me, where did Ueda go?

  • - Hm? - Where's Ueda? Where did she go?

  • Ueda?

  • Hai! (Japanese)

  • What are you doing, why do you keep going?

  • What are you a... you're like a person in a cuckoo clock.

  • Oh, please, you may go back.

  • Hai! (Japanese)

  • - Yeah, back to your corner please. - When you need me...

  • Yes. You'll just magically appear.

  • So she's right there, but we can't see her.

  • But she's around the corner.

  • If you need, please call her.

  • Yeah, well, she'll probably get here pretty quickly because she's right behind that wall.

  • I see her. I can see your hands!

  • Yeah, yeah.

  • - Would you like gum? - No, no, very rude.

  • What's rude about gum, what's the problem with gum?

  • No.

  • Ueda-san.

  • Hai! (Japanese)

  • Chewing gum, yes, is really rude.

  • What's the problem with it?

  • It's disrespectful.

  • See, you are impolite, and you don't respect others.

  • Please, stop.

  • - How many piece of gum? - Yes.

  • I eat a lot of gum.

  • - Please. - Hm?

  • You want me to swallow this?

  • I would die if I swallowed this.

  • Where do I put? Where do I?

  • Is it okay if I put this under the table?

  • No, you don't do that here?

  • Do you think I will be accepted here in Japan?

  • Why can't you just...why are you like this?

  • She does not think I will be accepted by many people in Japan.

  • Oh.

  • Now, do you think I will be popular with the Japanese women?

  • Yes, yes.

  • Am I considered attractive, do you think, to Japanese women.

  • Why are you laughing at my question?

  • Why are you saying no?

  • That's terrible, let her answer.

  • If you keep the distance, then...

  • If you don't shout...

  • But I am a very expressive person, I move, I jump, this is who I am.

  • And you're asking me to deny who I am as a person and not be myself.

  • These are the things I do.

  • I move, and I'm someone who...

  • - Long legs. - What's that?

  • - Long. - Do you like that?

  • Yeah.

  • You like that I have long legs?

  • Ooh!

  • Nice!

  • - I like tall person. - This, this is the part you like?

  • Yes.

  • But this part, rest go away?

  • I've been here just a few hours, and you're the first person I've met in Japan.

  • Hug.

  • Okay, you interested, you want a little of this over here?

  • Hai hai! Hai! (Japanese)

  • - Huh? - Stomach. - Yeah, you need exercise.

  • What did you say to me, say it again, what'd you just say?

  • You need exercise.

  • I exercise all the time!

  • What do you mean I need exercise?

  • What?

  • - Yakitori. - Tempura. (Japanese)

  • What do you think?

  • Very fluffy.

  • But I think girls like your teddy bear-like stomach.

  • I'm thought of as very lean in America.

  • In America, I'm lean.

  • Ah! Ah...hai! (Japanese)

  • - Please, sit, sit here, yeah. - Ah? Koko? Hai hai. (Japanese)

  • And you know where I'm gonna go?

  • -I'm gonna go here. -Hide!

  • Right here, fatty's gonna be back here.

There are many great reasons to visit Japan.

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