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Welcome to "The late show," ladies and gentlemen.
I'm your host Stephen Colbert.
( cheers and applause ) The election was just two days ago,
but it feels like five years ago.
( laughter ) what's a Beto?
Was that a candy bar or something?
And in the last 48 hours Donald Trump has put some points on the board.
For instance he's banned a journalist.
That's very strongman.
I'm not saying he's kim jong un. He's kim jong-ish.
( laughter ) Here's what happened: yesterday,
at a White House press tantrum, the president and CNN's Jim Acosta
got into it okay, until an intern was dispatched:
do you think that you demonized immigrants?
No, not at all.
I want them, I want them to come into the country but they have to come in legally.
They're hundreds and hundreds of miles away.
That's not an invasion.
Honestly, I think you should let me run the country
You run CNN, and if you did it well, your ratings would be much better.
If I may ask one other question, Mr. President, If I may ask one other question
- Are you worried a... - That's enough!
- That's enough! - Mr. President, I'm just gonna ask one other question...the other folks
Pardon me, ma'am.
Stephen: that's got to be the worst intern assignment.
( laughter ) "Okay, ahh, guys gather round. Alan, you're in charge of
coffee runs today, Brad, you're in charge of making copies, and
Cathie, you'll be destroying the first amendment. Okay.
( laughter ) Remember, it's for college credit. For College credit, okay?
Let's go get them.
( cheers and applause ) then last night, the White House
revoked Jim Acosta's press pass.
Oh no!
Now how will he "Not" get answers to his questions!
( laughter ) a lot of people are outraged about this, very upset
But press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, she defended the
Decision saying, "President Trump believes in a free press
and expects and welcomes tough
questions of him and his administration.
We will, however, never tolerate a reporter placing his hands
on a young woman just trying to do her job as a white house
Intern."
And she included this video: the intern reaches for the mic
And, there it goes, and hi-ya!
( laughter ) that is terrible, or it would be,
If it weren't "Fake news."
Because "Sarah Sanders tweeted a doctored video."
We should've known, we should have known because in the same video, Trump looked
Like this.
( laughter ) looking good.
And where did the white house get that doctored video?
It appears to have originated with far-right conspiracy site
"InfoWars."
( booing ) now, if anyone out there is not familiar with
InfoWars, congratulations, can we switch brains?
( laughter ) because infowars is a far right website
Founded by TV talk show host and hot dog, you forgot to pierce
before microwaving, Alex Jones.
( laughter ) ( cheers and applause )
So that's Sanders' reliable source.
"CNN is fake news, and to prove it, here's a video from a
reputable news source that believes the government is
putting plastic liners in juice boxes to turn our sons into
Gay frogs."
( laughter ) and the fact that the White
House press secretary is promoting this doctored video
is reprehensible, and grounds for dismissal.
Or as they call it in the Trump administration, "Thursday."
( laughter ) It's going to be hard to trust; it's gonna be hard after this, now that we know it is doctored's
It's gonna be hard to trust all the other footage they've released like: April Ryan
shooting flames out of her mouth, and Jake Tapper killing
Han Solo!
How could you, Jake!
He was your father!