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  • Welcome to "The late show," ladies and gentlemen.

  • I'm your host Stephen Colbert.

  • ( cheers and applause ) The election was just two days ago,

  • but it feels like five years ago.

  • ( laughter ) what's a Beto?

  • Was that a candy bar or something?

  • And in the last 48 hours Donald Trump has put some points on the board.

  • For instance he's banned a journalist.

  • That's very strongman.

  • I'm not saying he's kim jong un. He's kim jong-ish.

  • ( laughter ) Here's what happened: yesterday,

  • at a White House press tantrum, the president and CNN's Jim Acosta

  • got into it okay, until an intern was dispatched:

  • do you think that you demonized immigrants?

  • No, not at all.

  • I want them, I want them to come into the country but they have to come in legally.

  • They're hundreds and hundreds of miles away.

  • That's not an invasion.

  • Honestly, I think you should let me run the country

  • You run CNN, and if you did it well, your ratings would be much better.

  • If I may ask one other question, Mr. President, If I may ask one other question

  • - Are you worried a... - That's enough!

  • - That's enough! - Mr. President, I'm just gonna ask one other question...the other folks

  • Pardon me, ma'am.

  • Stephen: that's got to be the worst intern assignment.

  • ( laughter ) "Okay, ahh, guys gather round. Alan, you're in charge of

  • coffee runs today, Brad, you're in charge of making copies, and

  • Cathie, you'll be destroying the first amendment. Okay.

  • ( laughter ) Remember, it's for college credit. For College credit, okay?

  • Let's go get them.

  • ( cheers and applause ) then last night, the White House

  • revoked Jim Acosta's press pass.

  • Oh no!

  • Now how will he "Not" get answers to his questions!

  • ( laughter ) a lot of people are outraged about this, very upset

  • But press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, she defended the

  • Decision saying, "President Trump believes in a free press

  • and expects and welcomes tough

  • questions of him and his administration.

  • We will, however, never tolerate a reporter placing his hands

  • on a young woman just trying to do her job as a white house

  • Intern."

  • And she included this video: the intern reaches for the mic

  • And, there it goes, and hi-ya!

  • ( laughter ) that is terrible, or it would be,

  • If it weren't "Fake news."

  • Because "Sarah Sanders tweeted a doctored video."

  • We should've known, we should have known because in the same video, Trump looked

  • Like this.

  • ( laughter ) looking good.

  • And where did the white house get that doctored video?

  • It appears to have originated with far-right conspiracy site

  • "InfoWars."

  • ( booing ) now, if anyone out there is not familiar with

  • InfoWars, congratulations, can we switch brains?

  • ( laughter ) because infowars is a far right website

  • Founded by TV talk show host and hot dog, you forgot to pierce

  • before microwaving, Alex Jones.

  • ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause )

  • So that's Sanders' reliable source.

  • "CNN is fake news, and to prove it, here's a video from a

  • reputable news source that believes the government is

  • putting plastic liners in juice boxes to turn our sons into

  • Gay frogs."

  • ( laughter ) and the fact that the White

  • House press secretary is promoting this doctored video

  • is reprehensible, and grounds for dismissal.

  • Or as they call it in the Trump administration, "Thursday."

  • ( laughter ) It's going to be hard to trust; it's gonna be hard after this, now that we know it is doctored's

  • It's gonna be hard to trust all the other footage they've released like: April Ryan

  • shooting flames out of her mouth, and Jake Tapper killing

  • Han Solo!

  • How could you, Jake!

  • He was your father!

Welcome to "The late show," ladies and gentlemen.

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