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>>Russell Peters: My daughter is pretty smart. I uh-- I'm impressed by her. She's only two,
and she's already speaking Spanish and English.
Which is impressive, to me. I wanted her to learn Spanish, first, because, first of all,
she's half Latina, and we live in California, so, you know, I want her to,
at least know the language of California.
Spanish is a very helpful language, in California, I mean, you go to a restaurant--
you want your car back, from valet-- you want to know, like, what to say, you know mean, so--
So, you know what I did? I told my ex-wife's family, there from Ecuador, I said,
"Do me a favor. Please only speak to the baby, in Spanish." They were like,
[Spanish accent] "No problem!"
"Hey! Do ju want us, to teach her English, too?"
[Normal voice] "Naaah! I got this!"
The last thing I want, is my daughter being born, in America, and sounding like, an immigrant, you know?
[Spanish accent] "Dad, are ju coming over?"
[Normal voice] "No, sweetheart, no Jews are coming over."
"Not, unless, my agent calls."
And when you do have kids, trust me on this one, buy your children-- buy your babies--
buy them educational toys. Best thing, you could do. 'Cause they start learning, really young.
I bought my daughter this toy, and you push the color, and it says the color.
You push it, and it'll be like-- You push yellow, and it'll be like,
♪ Yelloooow
♪ Greeeen
♪ Bluuuue ♪ ♪
But the cool thing, in America, is all the educational toys, have a switch,
from English, to Spanish. I flipped all her toys, to Spanish. Now I'm learning Spanish, too.
[Laughter continues]
Who's thinking? I am.
Now, when she pushes it, it goes,
♪ Amarilloooo
♪ Verdeeee
♪ Azuuuul ♪ ♪
Now, I know how to say, yellow, green, and blue, in Spanish.
But only, like an opera singer.
Let me tell you, where this backfired, on me.
A few weeks ago, I was in LA.
I needed some yellow paint.
I went to Home Depot, and uh-- I walked in, and there was a Mexican guy working, INSIDE!
INSIDE Home Depot!
[Laughter continues]
So, that's progress.
Thank you, Mr. Obama.
[Laughter continues]
And uh-- I knew he was Mexican. First of all, it's LA. Secondly, his back was facing me,
he was 5'4", had a giant head--
There's no neck! It looked like, a Rock'em Sock'em Robot, that hadn't been punched in the stomach yet.
He turned around, his name was Juan, you know what I mean?
Juan, and he had the little Mexico flag, right there.
And, when I see people, and I can tell what their comfort language is,
I always like to try, and greet them, in that language--
For two reasons: So, that way, first, they think I speak their bullshit,
and that way, they won't try to rip me off.
Secondly, you know, I just-- it-- it makes them feel comfortable, right away.
And when I do say something, in your language, I try to say the best way I can,
so you really believe, I speak your language.
But the minute you reply, I get all fucked up, because I've run out of words.
So, I see him, and I go,
[In spanish] "¡Hola, Juan! ¿Cómo estamos, hoy?"
He's like,
[In spanish] "¡Hola!"
[Mimicking Very Fast Spanish]
[Tune of "The Mexican Hat Dance"]
and I'm like, "Alrighty then, listen, uhm--"
I make it look like, we need to go back to English, you know, because you're at work,
and we need to keep it professional!
So, I go, "I need some paint." He goes,
[In Spanish] "Sí-- ¿Que color?"
I go, "Yellow."
[In Spanish] "Sí, mira."
And he holds up, gray, and white, and shades of gray, and shades of white, and I'm like,
"No, no, no-- Yellow."
[In Spanish] "Sí, mira. Hielo."
[Normal voice] "No, Juan, that's gray, and white, and shades of gray, and shades of white."
[Spanish accent] "No, ju say, 'hielo.' Mira, hielo, hielo."
[Normal voice] "No, that's not, "yellow yellow." That's fucking gray, and white, Juan."
[In Spanish] "¡Hielo! ¡Mira, hielo!"
[Spanish accent] "Ice - Ice"
[Normal voice] "I don't care what your favorite song is, right now. I just--"
"I just want yellow paint."
[In Spanish] "¡Sí, mira! ¡Hielo! Ice! Ice!"
I didn't know, that "yellow," meant, "ice," in Spanish! I didn't know that. That's not on the toy!
So, I get in this big argument, with the guy. I'm like,
"No, not fucking ice, Juan, yellow!"
[In Spanish] "¡Sí, mira! ¡Hielo!"
[Normal voice] "Stop saying, 'mira, yellow,' this is not yellow!
[In Spanish] "¡Mira, hielo! Ice!"
[Normal voice] "Stop saying, 'yellow ice!' I don't want yellow ice! That's disgusting, first of all--"
"I just want yellow!"
[In Spanish] "¡Mira, hielo!"
[Normal voice] "Stop saying, 'mira, yellow!' YELLOW! YELLOW!
[In spanish] "¡NO SE! ¡NO SE!"
[Normal voice] "STOP FUCKIN-- WHAT DO YOU SAY, THEN?!"
[In spanish] "¡NO SE!"
[Laughter continues]
I'm like, "Ugh!"
[Low laughter]
[No audio]
♪ Amarilloooooo ♪ ♪
Turns out, he had the same toy, at home!
He goes,
[Spanish accent] "OH! Ju mean,"
♪ Yelloooooow ♪ ♪
[Laughter and Applause]
♪ ♪
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"Learning Spanish" | Russell Peters - Notorious

268 Folder Collection
Yukiko published on August 14, 2018
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