Subtitles section Play video
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-Trapp, I've heard it with my own ears, OK? - No.
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- I promise you. - Fine, look.
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- I'm looking it up. - OK.
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Can birds cough?
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(gasps) Oh my god!
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Your phone doesn't have a case.
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Yeah, I know, so?
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I'm here for protective services.
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I wanna speak to Mr. Mike Trapp about a caseless phone.
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Yeah, he's right here.
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Shit, when I think about what that phone must have been through!
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Protective services?
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I don't, hey, hey!
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It's gonna be OK.
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Hey, the way I take care of my phone is my business!
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And now it's my business because this looks like negligence to me.
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Just another deadbeat who's too focused on his own life to protect the small fragile one in his care.
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Negligence?
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No, it just doesn't have a case, it's fine.
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Got any scratches or dents you wanna show me, buddy?
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OK, can you stop harassing it?
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Come on, phone, let's get out a here.
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I know your type!
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You think you're gonna live forever.
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No.
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Cruising 90 down the highway, seatbelt off, wind in your hair, booze in your brain.
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No.
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You wanna fuck your own life up, pal, you go right ahead!
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But you gotta phone now.
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You gotta think of your phone!
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Think of the phone!
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Don't you love it?
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Yes, I love my phone.
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I love a lot a things about it.
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I love how thin it is.
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Then make it thicker.
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I love how responsive the touchscreen is.
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Then cover the screen with plastic.
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I love how carefully it was designed.
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Then hide that design under a big, yellow minions case.
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No.
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No!
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Phones shouldn't have to live like this.
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You don't need to listen to them yelling.
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You take care of your phone the way you want,
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and I'll take care of mine the way I want.
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But you're not taking care of it.
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The world is a dangerous place,
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and you need to protect this.
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I am protecting--
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Let me paint you a little picture.
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God, no.
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You come home after a long day, you're tired.
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You got your phone in your hand as you walk into the house.
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You think, "Hey, maybe I'll just toss it on the coffee table."
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See I wouldn't do that.
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Just toss it right over there.
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Whoop, right onto the table.
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When all of a sudden, bam!
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Bet ya suddenly wish you had two inches
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of all-American vulcanized rubber
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around the most valuable thing you own!
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No, because I wouldn't toss it
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because it doesn't have a case.
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(scoffs)
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Lemme tell you a story.
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God fucking damn it!
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I know this guy, a lot like you actually.
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- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
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A lot like you.
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He's out with his friends at a bar.
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He's got his phone, no case, just out on the table.
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OK, I'm going to stop you right there.
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I would not put my phone on a table.
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Well, you gotta take it out of your pocket.
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Yeah, it's so bulky.
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It's not bulky because it doesn't have a case!
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No need to be embarrassed.
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Yeah, we all do it.
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I don't.
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Look, my phone is either always in my pocket--
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Anyway, so this guy, he's having a great time--
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- In a death grip in my hand-- - Boop!
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- Just knock over that beer. - Or charging next to my bed.
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- Spills all over the table! - Why would it need to be anywhere else?
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Doesn't fall directly on the phone, but look at this.
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- Drip, drip, drip. Water damage - It's incredibly expensive.
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Instant death!
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Buddy, you gotta put on a centimeter of plastic around that phone
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so you can toss it around with your friends.
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You can crack walnuts with it, you can take it into the pool just like the rest of us decent folks who know how to protect something precious!
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Did you like the cocoa?
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I don't want to make my phone objectively worse
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for just a little bit more security.
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Then I'm going to have to take it into protective custody.
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(groans) Fine, fine, I'll put a case on it.
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We're gonna get you a case, OK?
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You're gonna be OK. (chuckles then gasps)
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(phone clattering floor) - Oh.
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[Both] That was your fault!
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No, that was all you.
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- If you had a case on that,
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- it wouldn't have happened. - You dropped it!
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How is it my fault?
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Because if you had a case on it,
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it wouldn't have mattered!
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- Not again! - I don't put a case on it--
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- Not again! (sobbing) - I don't drop my phone!
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Hi, it's Mike Trapp from CollegeHumor. Click here to subscribe. Click here for more fun things. And send help to keep me from sinking, please!