Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • -Trapp, I've heard it with my own ears, OK? - No.

  • - I promise you. - Fine, look.

  • - I'm looking it up. - OK.

  • Can birds cough?

  • (gasps) Oh my god!

  • Your phone doesn't have a case.

  • Yeah, I know, so?

  • I'm here for protective services.

  • I wanna speak to Mr. Mike Trapp about a caseless phone.

  • Yeah, he's right here.

  • Shit, when I think about what that phone must have been through!

  • Protective services?

  • I don't, hey, hey!

  • It's gonna be OK.

  • Hey, the way I take care of my phone is my business!

  • And now it's my business because this looks like negligence to me.

  • Just another deadbeat who's too focused on his own life to protect the small fragile one in his care.

  • Negligence?

  • No, it just doesn't have a case, it's fine.

  • Got any scratches or dents you wanna show me, buddy?

  • OK, can you stop harassing it?

  • Come on, phone, let's get out a here.

  • I know your type!

  • You think you're gonna live forever.

  • No.

  • Cruising 90 down the highway, seatbelt off, wind in your hair, booze in your brain.

  • No.

  • You wanna fuck your own life up, pal, you go right ahead!

  • But you gotta phone now.

  • You gotta think of your phone!

  • Think of the phone!

  • Don't you love it?

  • Yes, I love my phone.

  • I love a lot a things about it.

  • I love how thin it is.

  • Then make it thicker.

  • I love how responsive the touchscreen is.

  • Then cover the screen with plastic.

  • I love how carefully it was designed.

  • Then hide that design under a big, yellow minions case.

  • No.

  • No!

  • Phones shouldn't have to live like this.

  • You don't need to listen to them yelling.

  • You take care of your phone the way you want,

  • and I'll take care of mine the way I want.

  • But you're not taking care of it.

  • The world is a dangerous place,

  • and you need to protect this.

  • I am protecting--

  • Let me paint you a little picture.

  • God, no.

  • You come home after a long day, you're tired.

  • You got your phone in your hand as you walk into the house.

  • You think, "Hey, maybe I'll just toss it on the coffee table."

  • See I wouldn't do that.

  • Just toss it right over there.

  • Whoop, right onto the table.

  • When all of a sudden, bam!

  • Bet ya suddenly wish you had two inches

  • of all-American vulcanized rubber

  • around the most valuable thing you own!

  • No, because I wouldn't toss it

  • because it doesn't have a case.

  • (scoffs)

  • Lemme tell you a story.

  • God fucking damn it!

  • I know this guy, a lot like you actually.

  • - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

  • A lot like you.

  • He's out with his friends at a bar.

  • He's got his phone, no case, just out on the table.

  • OK, I'm going to stop you right there.

  • I would not put my phone on a table.

  • Well, you gotta take it out of your pocket.

  • Yeah, it's so bulky.

  • It's not bulky because it doesn't have a case!

  • No need to be embarrassed.

  • Yeah, we all do it.

  • I don't.

  • Look, my phone is either always in my pocket--

  • Anyway, so this guy, he's having a great time--

  • - In a death grip in my hand-- - Boop!

  • - Just knock over that beer. - Or charging next to my bed.

  • - Spills all over the table! - Why would it need to be anywhere else?

  • Doesn't fall directly on the phone, but look at this.

  • - Drip, drip, drip. Water damage - It's incredibly expensive.

  • Instant death!

  • Buddy, you gotta put on a centimeter of plastic around that phone

  • so you can toss it around with your friends.

  • You can crack walnuts with it, you can take it into the pool just like the rest of us decent folks who know how to protect something precious!

  • Did you like the cocoa?

  • I don't want to make my phone objectively worse

  • for just a little bit more security.

  • Then I'm going to have to take it into protective custody.

  • (groans) Fine, fine, I'll put a case on it.

  • We're gonna get you a case, OK?

  • You're gonna be OK. (chuckles then gasps)

  • (phone clattering floor) - Oh.

  • [Both] That was your fault!

  • No, that was all you.

  • - If you had a case on that,

  • - it wouldn't have happened. - You dropped it!

  • How is it my fault?

  • Because if you had a case on it,

  • it wouldn't have mattered!

  • - Not again! - I don't put a case on it--

  • - Not again! (sobbing) - I don't drop my phone!

  • Hi, it's Mike Trapp from CollegeHumor. Click here to subscribe. Click here for more fun things. And send help to keep me from sinking, please!

-Trapp, I've heard it with my own ears, OK? - No.

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

B1 US case table drip protective negligence drip drip

This Monster Has No Phone Case

  • 18544 709
    Liang Chen posted on 2018/08/13
Video vocabulary