Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Last OG, loosely based on your life, isn't that right?

  • Yeah, man.

  • Tell us about the old days, you know.

  • You know, there was a life before show business.

  • When I was a kid and in the '80's and crack was rampant.

  • You know, everybody was trying to sell it to get money.

  • But, you know, that's why...

  • You sold some.

  • I sold crack, yeah, but I was a crack dealer

  • with a heart of gold.

  • (audience laughter)

  • I would sell them crack and then feel sorry for them.

  • Yeah.

  • I would sell them the crack and then you know this

  • is gonna kill you, right.

  • Yeah.

  • You know I always kept my heart man.

  • Yeah, you kept your heart in it, all right.

  • I remember one time I had a aunt and she was doing drugs,

  • right, and one day she bought me a Game Boy.

  • And then she stole it.

  • Then she helped me look for it.

  • Then she helped you look for it?

  • I was mad, I said "Why you bought me a Game Boy,

  • steal it, then help me look for it?"

  • She said "I had to eliminate myself as a suspect."

  • (laughter)

  • She had to.

  • (Conan laughing)

  • I remember one time, 'cause they, you know, crackheads

  • will steal and sell anything that ain't nailed down.

  • Yup.

  • One day in Harlem when I was younger, I seen a crackhead

  • trying to sell a whole fire escape.

  • It was six floors you had in the push cart.

  • (laughter)

  • He ripped it off the side of a building?

  • Yes, yes, he was that strong.

  • That's what cocaine will do to you.

  • And he had a little girl's pink Huffy with him.

  • Yeah.

  • They always sellin' them Huffy's.

  • Sure, sure.

  • (laughter)

  • Where do you go, where do you go.

  • Tracy. What?

  • One of the things I love about you as a comic

  • is you say something really funny but then

  • you go to another world in between.

  • Where are you traveling?

  • I gotta watch my back with him!

  • (laughter)

  • I don't know him.

  • Do you ever run into anybody from back in the day now?

  • Like, you know you've hit it, you're a big star.

  • You're known world wide, you know,

  • they show 30 Rock all over the world.

  • And then they send me a whole $10.

  • They what? The whole $10.

  • Everybody want barb money once you on Last OG.

  • Everyone wants money from you,

  • is that what you're sayin'?

  • Yeah, everybody want money from you.

  • (laughter)

  • You still here?

  • I hear you.

  • All right, well...

  • When the joke don't go over, I go into my instrument

  • which is my face.

  • (laughter)

  • God gave me a extra layer of skin.

  • Yeah, you go in there and that's where you go.

  • Yeah, I'm your rubber band man (blubbering).

  • That's the most sense you've made all night.

  • (laughter)

  • Told you.

  • I'm sayin' like, you go back, okay,

  • now there used to be a different guy,

  • now you go back to that same neighborhood,

  • you ever run into people you used to know

  • who, you know what I mean?

  • Maybe they wanna talk to you now that you're famous?

  • Nah, I'm famous, I gotta cousin,

  • I inspired him to be famous.

  • Now he wants to be a magician.

  • He's a magician, where's he from?

  • He's really a thief, he's from Brooklyn.

  • He's from Brooklyn?

  • Yeah, he calls his self (bleep) the Great.

  • He make your watch disappear and it don't reappear.

  • (laughter)

  • Once it's gone, it's gone.

  • He a thief!

  • You ever run into any old girlfriends

  • back in the neighborhood?

  • Yeah, yeah, I ran into Murdice.

  • Who?

  • Murdice, she was 400 pounds, that my first girlfriend.

  • 400 pounds.

  • Your first girlfriend is 400 pounds?

  • She was, but we go back to fourth grade.

  • She was 250.

  • (laughter)

  • All right, so tell me about this young lady.

  • One time I was making love to her for the first time

  • and she said I want you to pick me up and do me on the wall.

  • I said uh-uh, I got scoliosis is my spine.

  • (laughter)

  • You gotta pick me up and do me on the wall.

  • And she did!

  • She did it.

  • (audience cheering)

  • When you see her now, she might,

  • still looks good to you I bet, right?

  • Yeah, I mean, I'm just in love with her now 'cause

  • she's more mature and she got those bingo wings.

  • You don't know what bingo wings?

  • What are bingo wings?

  • When the old woman hit bingo and she go bingo and.

  • (laughter)

  • Bingo wings.

  • (laughter)

  • Bingo, I love bingo.

  • I love me some bingo wings.

  • You can't go wrong with a girl big and strong.

  • Can't go wrong.

  • You got heat in the winter, shade in the summer.

  • (laughter)

  • I love a big girl.

  • So you, you...

  • That's my thing, stretch marks.

  • That's my thing.

  • That's your thing, you like someone with stretch marks?

  • Yeah, stretch marks and a C-section.

  • That's my thing.

  • I'm old school.

  • So Tracy...

  • I definitely wanna get with somebody pregnant.

  • I'm get 'em pregnant.

  • 'Cause I'm old school, I don't be pullin' out.

  • (laughter)

  • You wanna, you wanna get someone pregnant.

  • There he goes.

  • There he goes.

  • I'm serious man. Yeah, you want a kid.

  • Yeah, I'm tryin' to break Gundy's record.

  • Who?

  • I wanna be Gundy.

  • Oh, Gandhi.

  • I want 24 and better, I want 24 kids.

  • I got Wal-Mart money now, we ain't gotta worry 'bout it.

  • (laughter)

  • I'm not gonna use a condom man.

  • If you ain't willin' to die for it,

  • you really didn't want it.

  • (laughter)

  • Makes sense to me.

  • It makes sense to you?

  • Yeah.

  • Now is this true, what is this?

  • You once, is this when you were young?

  • You got depressed once.

  • You tried to off yourself, is that true?

  • Yeah, man.

  • I remember that, wow.

  • I tried to kill myself when my first girlfriend left me.

  • Man, I thought the world was coming to end,

  • I was only 16.

  • So I drank a whole bottle of V05.

  • V05 the shampoo?

  • Yeah, my moms ain't even care

  • about me tryin' to kill myself.

  • The shampoo was on sale.

  • Who touched my V05?

  • You wanna kill yourself cut your wrist like everybody else.

  • But leave my shampoo alone.

  • That's what she said.