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  • Welcome to the Glove and Boots Movie Review!

  • Let's take a look back at the best films we saw this year, shall we?

  • I saw nothing. I got kicked out of, like, 8 movie theaters last month alone!

  • Ugh...

  • That's 'cuz you don't behave right in the movie theaters!

  • What? I just act how I act when I watch movies at home!

  • I take off my pants,

  • I get some chicken,

  • and I yell at the screen!

  • (munching)

  • Are you good or bad, Magneto?

  • MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

  • HUSH!

  • Going to the movies is great!

  • But you're not the only one in the movie theater.

  • Unless the movie is really, really bad.

  • So, have respect for your fellow movie patrons,

  • and everyone will have a good time!

  • You're probably thinking,

  • 'I know this rule, this is common sense!'

  • 'Then, why do they still have to show this before every film?'

  • (upbeat ragtime music)

  • Sit down, Mario!

  • But I have to pee!

  • The one time you're actually allowed to talk,

  • is when you miss a part of the movie,

  • 'cuz you went to the bathroom.

  • What did I miss?

  • (whispering)

  • This happens to all of us,

  • so we sympathize,

  • and we know not to talk when the film starts.

  • But don't ask like this:

  • WHAT DID I MISS?!

  • And... don't ask a stranger instead of your friend.

  • Hey buddy, I was making number two.

  • What did I miss?

  • Hush!

  • Fine. Be a jerk.

  • Hey buddy, I was making number two.

  • What did I miss?

  • (growls)

  • Absolutely no cell phones.

  • This includes texting.

  • 'Cuz when you text...

  • (phones vibrate) (everyone looks down at their phones)

  • Meh!

  • And then you have to do this:

  • 'Hey! Fafa! I was texting instead of paying attention.'

  • 'What did I miss?'

  • Seriously?

  • Shh!

  • Not all movies start at the same time.

  • The reboot of Beastmaster you're seein',

  • may start in five minutes.

  • But everybody else may be going to see

  • 'The Start of the Dawn of......the Return to the Planet of......the Apes of Tomorrow',

  • and that starts in a half hour.

  • So make sure you know what you want,

  • and you have your money ready.

  • It's not that hard;

  • they only sell, like, five things.

  • Screw this!

  • I'm sneaking in my own snacks next time.

  • Hmmmm...

  • There's nothing wrong with sneaking in snacks when you go to the movie theater.

  • Especially since a small soda costs, like, $7.50.

  • But open sneaky snacks at the appropriate time.

  • (emotional scene)

  • (hiss!)

  • Hush!

  • And that's not the most annoying sound in the movies!

  • Wah!

  • Babies.

  • Everybody loves babies.

  • Everybody loves the movies.

  • Nobody likes babies at the movies!

  • Even if your lil' bundle a' joy only cries once,

  • WAAAHHH!

  • (patrons groaning)

  • You've ruined the movie for all of us.

  • If your infant can't support the weight of his own head, he's not gonna get ANYTHING out of Guardians of the Galaxy.

  • Hey! At least he's not blocking my view!

  • If you are a tall person at the movies,

  • you are more hated than the fact that popcorn costs 70 bucks.

  • (I hate you, giraffe)

  • If you know you're tall,

  • Please slouch down a little.

  • Or at the very least,

  • don't sit down directly in front of, like, a little girl or something.

  • Did he just call me a little girl?

  • Unfortunately, your seat and the seat next to you share an armrest.

  • You are going to have to have an armrest competition with the person next to you if you want it.

  • Follow the same rules you would on an airplane.

  • If your neighbor's arm gets there first, it's theirs.

  • If they move it, please follow the five-second rule!

  • Give your neighbor a courteous count to five to reclaim his property.

  • Meh...

  • Follow these common courtesies, and you, and everyone around you will have a great time at the movies!

  • That's right! Unless that movie has Will Smith's kid in it!

  • That kid needs acting lessons...

  • Yeah, he's not very good...

  • Bleh...

Welcome to the Glove and Boots Movie Review!

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