prize, float their start-up company, are promoted a decade ahead of their peers or dominate

the music charts or bestseller lists. Over-achievers torment us rather a lot.

But we should, more rightly, combine our envy with a little compassion. It is likely that

these gifted souls are paying an oddly elevated price for their extraordinary successes, so

much so that - once their full psychological profiles are in view - we should start to

feel a bit sorry for the trajectory of their lives.

What distinguishes over-achievers from the simply highly talented or driven is what powers

them in their work. They labour principally or primarily not because they uniquely enjoy

what they do or have more urgent material demands than the rest of us, but because they

are subject to unusually intense internal, psychological pressures. Behind their relentless

activity lies an emotional rather than professional burden. It may look as if they simply want

to sell more books, accumulate more shares or have their name in lights. But these over-achievers

are all the while trying to secure something far more tricky, unusual and unmentioned:

they are trying - through their work - to correct an aspect of a troubled emotional

past. They are trying to impress a father who felt withholding and severe around them

three decades before. They're hoping their triumphs will compensate a parent they loved

for the loss of a sibling in childhood. They are hoping to assuage a feeling of catastrophe

they experienced in the deprived chaotic home of their birth.

In other words, over-achievers are trying to solve a range of psychological problems

through material or worldly means. This is why their efforts must, in a deep sense, always

be doomed to failure - even when it appears to most of the world as if they are succeeding

beyond measure.

Because success is the moment when over-achievers are likely to notice the doomed nature of

their ambition, it is a particularly troubling and dangerous eventuality. Depression may

set in just after the company is sold; the star will fall into a crisis just after they

finally gain worldwide recognition. At exactly the point when their work is acclaimed or

finds its audience, over-achievers are at risk of severe breakdown. So long as they

are merely running, they can forget to notice that their goal is misaligned with their true

inner ambition. They must wait for success to reveal the fateful nature of their life's quest.

The cure for over-achievement involves pausing to address the psychological wounds that made

hard work feel like the only defence against intolerable trauma. It means returning to

the situations that made achievement feel life sustaining. It means a confrontation

with moments of loss, disconnection, lack of love, sadness and humiliation.

The recovering over-achiever should allow themselves to feel compassion for their earlier

self, acknowledging how much they wish could have gone differently and grasping how their

parent so-call successful personality has been shaped as a response to grave wounds

The cure for over-achievement lies in mourning and analysis in an atmosphere of love.

The over-achiever may eventually come to believe that they deserve a place on the earth whether

they work or not. They aren't there just to perform. The greater need is to connect

and to understand.

We live in a world very interested in huge achievements and very uninclined to notice

the trauma behind them. We are equally not encouraged to note the way in which contentment

with modest achievement can be a sign that things have gone very well for someone emotionally.

It is evidence of health to have no particular wish to be famous and not to mind too much

if one doesn't have a fortune; to be able to have a so-called ordinary life, to take

pleasure in holidays and to place friendship and love at the center of things. We should,

on occasion, dare to feel rather sorry for over-achievers - even if that can mean starting

to feel sorry for ourselves.

We hope you enjoyed this film. If you want to learn more about Self-Knowledge, follow the link on your screen now.