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  • Yeah I just want to get a cup of coffee.

  • Yes, that's why we're here

  • this is the best place to get one in Naples.

  • Now we come over here and we pay first.

  • Worried substantively with paying first,

  • what if I'm not happy with what I'm-

  • Excuse me. (speaking Italian)

  • You know what I love about Naples?

  • People stand to get this coffee,

  • they don't sit in a corner and write a screenplay

  • for four hours, you know what I mean?

  • It's called "espresso", it's an express activity.

  • You get in, and you get out, and you go about your day.

  • It's called "espresso", it's an express activity.

  • (audience laughing and cheering)

  • When you order your coffee, I'll order and then

  • you should say, (swears in Italian)

  • Yes like, "I want it (beep) hot."

  • You missed the entire preparation of the coffee

  • 'cause you were talking Oh shut up.

  • to that woman. Oh shut up.

  • This is is a Neapolitan cappuccino,

  • 150 milliliters, it's only 25 milliliters of coffee

  • made from seven grams of beans,

  • and then about four ounces of milk.

  • Look at this man's elegance, watch his movements,

  • it's the ballet at the machine, no movement is wasted,

  • everything is perfect, look at him go,

  • it's a dance, it's a dance between man and machine.

  • No it's not! He's making coffee.

  • Nice, very nice. So just drink this down in one shot?

  • You just had a real experience, you should enjoy that,

  • yeah, that's one shot, seven grams of--

  • Stop talking to me!

  • Shut up, shut up, shut up! (audience laughs)

  • I don't wanna know how many grams are in here, shut up.

  • (audience laughs)

  • (claps and yells)

  • Whoa, that was good.

  • Not gonna have another one?

  • No I'm satisfied, I know when to stop.

  • And I do not. (audience laughs)

  • (Conan yells and grunts)

  • Feel that, get in there, get that!

  • (growls energetically)

  • (audience laughs)

  • Yes!

  • (claps and snaps)

  • (meows)

  • (growls)

  • (makes silly noises)

  • Four grams of coffee, seven grams of water,

  • mmm, six ounces, federal law, mmm, traditional, traditional

  • mmm, must have traditional, tell him I want

  • a pumpkin spice latte. (audience laughs)

  • (audience laughs)

  • Tell him I had too much coffee.

  • (speaks Italian)

  • I'm crazy when I have the coffee,

  • you know it's craziness, too much coffee,

  • too much coffee, way too much coffee, ladies (laughs)

  • (growls) Wow! I don't know what this is but yes.

  • This is so nice of you to give me all these gifts.

  • Give me your watch, give me the watch,

  • I want the watch, give it to me.

  • Give me your jacket, I want your jacket,

  • you wanna be nice to the American?

  • You're gonna give me that, just give me that watch.

  • Hey, give me your shoe, gimme your shoe.

  • I'm gonna take it all for free 'cause I'm a guest.

  • Ciao! No, no, no!

  • (audience cheers)

  • I'm in downtown Naples, I just found this guy,

  • he's incredible, sir? (man whistles)

  • (bird sounds)

  • (Conan makes bird noises)

  • (audience laughs)

  • (Conan and man laugh)

  • If I had been born in Naples,

  • this is what I'd be doing right now.

  • This is a statue of Jacino Murrat.

  • I've never seen a statue with such an impressive

  • crotch bulge (audience laughs) look at that,

  • that's totally unnecessary, someone accused him

  • of stuffing his pants, and he's like, me?

  • Stuffing my pants, no! Me?

  • I just saw this, this is the most frightening

  • ice cream display I've ever seen in my life.

  • I don't know how this, why would anyone want

  • to buy ice cream from this guy? (giggles)

  • Look, he's got the blood of his latest victim

  • on his smock right here.

  • Ciao! Ciao! Oh, they run away.

  • Jordan, why do they not wish to be viewed by us?

  • Maybe they're shy, they need to be on television

  • to self-validate. (audience awws)

  • Ciao! Scusa! Scusa!

  • Senore! Buonasera! Buonasera!

  • [Jordan] Buonasera, senore.

  • Can we come up? Si!

  • Si? Porqueno? Is it okay?

  • How do we get in? (door creaks)

  • This will be the last footage ever seen of us alive.

  • (speaks Italian) Let's go!

  • Yeah! It's amazing to be up here.

  • (fake opera singing)

  • ♪ I'm John Tuturro

  • ♪ I like a-pizza

  • ♪ I have a burro

  • ♪ I'm friends with a-Martin Scorsese

  • ♪ I like buccatini when I'm in a Firenze

  • (audience cheers)

  • (speaks Italian)

  • While we were in Naples, I was invited

  • to appear on Italy's most famous soap opera,

  • Obviously, they had seen my work in soap operas

  • all over the world (audience laughs)

  • Your name is? Conan O'Brien.

  • Now, I was about to continue my tradition of playing

  • a romantic lead, this time with Un Posto's

  • beautiful Valentina Pace.

  • She's the one. Hi!

  • Oh my god.

  • My English, it's not very good.

  • Please, my friend will help interpret.

  • This is my friend Jordan. (audience laughs)

  • We're not gonna, yeah, shoots the nude women.

  • Is there any place for him in this scene?

  • Maybe even just a quick he walks by, is that possible?

  • Yeah, he could, yeah why not? Yeah.

  • And before I knew it, it was time for my big scene.

  • (speaks Italian)

  • (audience laughs)

  • (speaks Italian)

  • (audience laughs)

  • Another powerhouse performance by Conan O'Brien.

  • Plus, Jordan made his soap opera debut.

  • (audience cheers)

Yeah I just want to get a cup of coffee.

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