A2 Basic US 2168 Folder Collection
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Good afternoon, it's February seventh, 2012.
This was from my daughter, Hannah.
And more importantly, for all her friends on Facebook
who thought that her little rebellious post was cute,
and for all you parents out there that think your kids
don't post bad things on Facebook, well, I want to read
you one I took off my daughter's Facebook wall, that
she thought she was being smart by blocking her parents
from being able to see it.
Hannah, you were grounded for about three months
for doing something very similar to this, and I would have thought
with a father that worked in IT for a living,
you'd have better sense than to do it again.
But I just spent about six hours yesterday
fixing your computer for you, upgrading it for you,
spent about a hundred thirty dollars on software.
And today, I run across a post on your Facebook page
that you didn't think I'd be able to see.
So since you want to hide it from everyone,
I'm going to share it with everybody.
This is called, "To My Parents", by the way.
To my parents: I'm not your damn slave.
It's not my responsibility to clean up your shit.
We have a cleaning lady for a reason.
Her name is Linda, not Hannah.
If you want coffee, get off your ass and
make it yourself.
If you want a garden, shovel the fertilizer yourself.
Don't sit back on your ass and watch me do it.
If you walk in the house and get mud all over
the floor that I just cleaned, be my guest, but clean
it up after you're done getting shit everywhere.
I'm tired of picking up after you.
You tell me at least once a day that I need
to get a job.
I love this part.
You could just pay me for all the shit I do around the house.
Seriously? Are you kidding me?
I'll get to that in a minute.
Every day when I get home from school, I have to
do dishes, clean the countertops, all the floors,
make all the beds, do the laundry, and get the trash.
I'm not even going to mention all the work I do around your clinic.
And if I don't do all that everyday, I get grounded.
You know how hard it is to keep up with chores and schoolwork?
It's freaking crazy.
I go to bed at ten every night because
I'm too tired to stay up any longer doing anything else.
I have to get up at five in the morning to get ready
for school.
On the weekends I have to sleep with my door locked
so my little brother won't come get me up at six.
That part's true.
"This is all true." That's what she's saying.
And I'm tired of this bullshit.
Next time I have to pour a cup of coffee
I'm gonna flip shit.
I have no idea how I have a life.
I'm gonna hate to see the day when you get too old
to wipe your ass and you call me asking for help.
I won't be there.
Signed, your pissed kid, Hannah.
I'm going to address a couple of these.
We have a lady that cleans the house for us
as a favor to trade off some services.
She is not, and you will never again refer to her
as a cleaning lady.
That lady works harder in one day than you ever have
in your life.
Pay you? For the chores you--seriously? Pay you for chores?!
That you're supposed to do around the house?
You come home from school, you have a list of chores
that are on the wall because you can't remember them
if you don't.
They are: sweep the living room and kitchen floor,
which total will take you about three minutes.
If the countertops are dirty, wipe them down, which takes
about a minute.
If the dishwasher's full, and been run, empty it, and put the dishes away.
If it's not, just be sure all the glasses and stuff are
in the dishwasher.
If you have any laundry of your own, do it.
And if your bed is unmade, do it.
You don't have to do my laundry.
You don't have to make my bed.
You don't have to make the guest bed.
You have to make your own bed.
Once a month or so, I guess, you probably have to make
the guest bed.
Pay you, for chores? Are you out of your mind?
You're fifteen, going on sixteen years old!
You want things for your laptop?
You want a new battery, you want a new cord,
you want a new camera, you want a new phone,
you want a new iPod, but you won't
get off your lazy ass to get--to even look for a job!
The only job that you've applied to is the one
I made you apply to, because I got the application for you.
[crumples paper]
And you've been too lazy to even carry that back.
When I was your age, I'd moved out of the house,
lived on my own, went to college, while in high school,
worked two jobs, was a volunteer fireman, and still
went to school.
Your responsibilities include waking up on time
and getting on the bus.
That's the end of your responsibilities each day.
You don't have that hard of a life.
But you're about to.
I warned you months ago about what would happen
if you did something like this on Facebook again.
The last time you were grounded, and quite frankly,
I forget now, but it was for something fairly childish and stupid,
we took away the computer, that kind of thing, no cellphone,
no Facebook, and I told you, if it ever happened again,
that it'd be a lot worse.
And I was really close that day to putting a bullet
through your laptop.
Now, this time, I just spent all day yesterday, blew half my day,
upgrading your laptop, putting new software on it, spent about
a hundred thirty bucks in software to get everything
the way that you want to have it for school.
You don't have to worry about buying a new laptop battery,
you don't have to worry about buying a new power cord,
you don't have to worry about buying a new camera.
Because you won't be using any of them, until probably college.
I don't know how to say how disappointed I am in you,
and how disrespectful you were to every single adult
in your life, but kid, you got it easy.
Way easy. It's about to get harder.
It's about to get a whole lot harder.
Because you're not going to see this, and for all I know,
you might not ever see it. But as soon as I'm done,
I'm going to post this on your Facebook wall, so all those kids
that thought it was cool for how rebellious you were,
can see what happens.
And all the parents may get an idea to put a bullet up
their own kid's ass.
Because all this--I mean, there was more curse words
in that one post--just ridiculous!
Not happening. Disrespectful to me, your mother,
your stepmother, your family, your friends, and yourself.
So, I'm going to put a stop to it.
And I'm going to put a stop to it right now.
That right there is your laptop.
You see it's out here on the ground.
This right here is my .45.
That was the first round.
These are exploding hollow-point rounds from--
and you have to pay me back for these, too, because
these about a dollar apiece.
[four gunshots]
One two three four five six. Oh yeah, and after
that comment you made about your mom, your mom
told me to be sure I put one in there for her, so...
[gunshot] That one's for her.
And if I got one left [gunshot], I got two left! [gunshot]
Now I'm out.
So, just for the record, whenever you're not grounded,
whatever year that happens to be, you can a have a new
laptop when you buy a new laptop.
And when you pay me back for the hundred thirty dollars
I spent on yours yesterday.
Hope you've enjoyed your little fiasco on Facebook.
Hope it was worth all this.
Have a good day, y'all.
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Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen.

2168 Folder Collection
Zenn published on March 5, 2013
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