Andyet, ourstyleofreactingtomaltreatmentgoesrighttotheheartofwhoweareandcanmakethedifferencebetween a lifeofconstantfrustrationandbitternessandoneoftolerablecoexistence.
A crucialpartoftheartoflivingseemstolieinknowinghowtocomplainconstructivelyandsanelytothosewhodouswrong.
Inthefaceofourranting, thosewho'veoffendedus, willthemselvesgetoffended, begintoresentus, refusetolistenandaccuseusof a raftofthingswhichentirelyburyouroriginalcomplaintagainstthem.
Weachievenothing.
Thereis a secondoption. Coldfury. Hereonesaysverylittlebuthatesverydeeplyandquietly.
Wedon't daretocomplaindirectlyfrom a despairthattheotherwouldeverunderstand. Fuelledwith a feelingthatwedon't deserveevertobelistenedto. A primitiveself-hatredencasesusincynicismandmelancholy. Webecomeexpertsatwithdrawal.
We'veprobablybeenlikethisfrom a youngage. Theadultswegrewuparoundwereprobablytootouchy, busy, domineeringorabsenttogiveusmuchof a hearing.
Maturecomplaint. Inordertomastersuch a feat, wemustworkwith a backgroundsensethatwedon't fundamentallydeservemeannessandalsothatitwon't onitsowneverbeabletodestroyus.
Wearecalmbecausewelikeourselveswellenough, a legacyofbeingcaredforbypeoplewholikedusandrefusetoendurepunishmentquietlyorwithmasochisticpatience.
Wedeserve a hugeamountofcompassionforourfailuretoknowhowtocomplainwisely. Ourinabilityis a snapshotintoourpastandintosomeproperlytroublesomedynamicsthatoccurredlongago.