*Cheering*

Ooh...

Wow, this is actually pretty entertaining.

They're actually pretty good fighters for YouTubers.

Hey, who ate all the scones?

See? Everybody is getting in fights now.

Even Matt Jacob Williams got in a fight and he just started YouTube like a month ago.

I mean, he might have just started but his numbers are huge.

Yeah, and he's really controversial and really good at starting drama, like-

-like when he called out The Blah-blah Brothers and exposed them on Twitter.

Oh yeah! And that time he roasted insertnametv? Like literally, he lit his house on fire!

It was a sick burn!

So what? I can do things like that! Like the other day, I tweeted out uhh... All these YouTuber's fighting in real life. Seems pretty interesting.

and then I added one of those "Hmm" emojis.

You know which one right? On the iPhone it's like

And...? Yeah... That's not a good callout

What are you talking about?? I did the "hmm"

That's an obvious invite to fight! That's not even a good tweet!

Actually, someone did respond to that

A lot.

Who's Alex Wussubai?

Wussu...be?

Wase- WASSABI

Alex Wassabi

hEy rYaN

"Interesting, I'll show you something interesting, GRRR

"Respond back if you ain't skurred"

"If you don't respond, you a BEEP!!!"

"Jk, but for real @ me bro."

"Or DM, I'll be waiting fam."

You guys are equally bad at call outs

Those are call outs?

Look, he's been trying to get me to fight with him

ever since that whole drama trend even started.

Even back when it was just diss tracks

So, I don't get it then. Why don't you just fight him?

Or, at least start some drama or something?

Yeah, he has over ten million subscribers, and he's like, the same size as you

Yeah, plus he already wants to fight you

You guys are like a perfect fit!

So I don't see why you guys don't wanna just-

Cause this is my first time! Alright?

You mean, like your first time ever?

Well, yeah

Not even like a subtweet or anything?

No, okay, I never had online drama with anyone

Okay, I just, I just want my first time to be

I don't know, special...

I know it's stupid.

What?! No, we get it

Yeah, we just didn't know how much that meant to you.

Well, it's never gonna happen anyways so what's the point?

What?! Come on, no, you know tons of big YouTubers

I'm sure at least one of them wants to-

YOU DON'T THINK I'VE TRIED THAT?

You don't think I've tried reaching out to every single one of the contacts I built on YouTube over the past 12 years

hoping that one, just one of them

would be interested in fighting me.

You don't think I've tried that?

No

I should probably try that-

You really should. Probably

Alright, so this is the list of YouTubers that I can get in contact with

that are either in the drama scene or they're just really popular, so...

Who do you guys want to start with?

Guess we'll start from the top

Felix! Whassup, man! How yo-

Oh, no, I didn't- I didn't mean any disrespect by that-

I didn't mean to call you that

I'm sorry Mr. Pie!

KSI! My boy! How you been, JJ?

Hello?

...disconnected...

Yeah, Jake's not answering

Neither is Logan

"Drama Alert!" What's up, Keem?

Okay!

Fousey! What's up, bro?

RiceGum! What's up!

Wait, you do wanna?

Okay! No, that's- that's great!

Yeah we could totally!

I dunno, like a 155 pounds

Wait, nonono I can- well I can lose the weight

I- I can change! No du-

Think I just got fat-shamed

Kay, who we got next?

Well, there's only one left

Who is it?

Matt Jacob Williams

Okay

What's that supposed to mean?

C'mon, I don't wanna be a downer, but

Let's be realistic

Real-? I- I am being realistic!

I know the guy personally, okay?

I met him at the Steamy Shotty awards

Right

He just had the biggest fight ever.

Everybody wants drama with him.

Do you even have his number?

Yes! Okay? Jus- Watch.

Matty J Wills! Nice to talk to you again!

First off, I just wanna congratulate you on the last fi-

Wait who is thi-

one sec

Alex.

Oh its the wasa-bai guy!

You changed your name in my phone?

Where did you even get the chance to do that?

You don't know where I live!

No! Nononono, no! I don't want you to prove it!

Don't you- Don't you dare!

Al- ALEX!

Yeah, so uh, Matt said he's busy

Let's face it

I'm just never gonna have beef with anyone.

I mean sure, I could start drama with some random person, but

in order to escalate that drama from mean tweets to a diss track,

to an actual fight that people wanna see,

you need the real stuff.

You need that passionate loathing

that authentic disdain that only comes from two people

who just know how to get under each other's skin and just

piss each other off to the point of hatred!

That's what true hate is!

That's what people wanna see!

It's just not who I am

I would never be that way

What?

Hey, this is scone crumb

You said you didn't take the last one!

Really? That's what you're gonna focus on?

I spill my heart to you guys and you're not even listening?

Look

Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet

or girl

What? Ew!

It's 2018, guys

Sure you're be teased a little bit in the beginning, but

Hate is hate!

You just have to have an open mind! I'm not gonna fight a girl, okay?

I'm not co-ed, I like guys!

I fight guys

Whatever, don't have to be so heterophobic about it

Hey, you just got a text from Matt Jacob Williams

What? Really?

He says he's here!

What would 'Matt Jacob Williams' be?

Oh, that son of a -

Heeyyyy Ryan! It's good to see you again!

What do you want Alex?

Well, I- I've noticed that you haven't been responding to my texts,

Tweets, DMs, Facebook messages, Handwritten lett-

I don't wanna talk to you, okay, so what's your point?

Well, my point is

When you called me earlier, I was literally in the middle of packing for Europe

And?

I got offered a fight in England

I was going over there and I thought

"I can't leave without figuring out what this is, what- what is this between us?"

Okay first of all, I did not try to call you, okay?

I don't know when or how you did it,

but you changed your name in my phone

Oh that was when you left your phone at the Steamy's!

xd

Secondly,

I don't know how you, of all people, got a fight, but

I don't care!

So if you came here just to rub it in my face,

No, no, no, no, no! That's not it at all!

Then what are you here for?

I came here because...

Cause you're my dream fight

Something about you rejecting me over and over

and over and over and over