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  • 34 is a weird age. I'll tell you why!

  • I'm the last generation to grow up completely

  • without

  • Internet pornography.

  • No? I'm one of the – I'm like the

  • Last of the Mohicans,

  • y'know?

  • Like, I hit puberty,

  • like, just hormones happened,

  • and it told me that I wanted something

  • and I had no idea

  • what it looked like.

  • What I did is, uh,

  • out of sheer ingenuity,

  • I made my own naked lady pornography.

  • And what I did

  • is I bought some tracing paper.

  • Now, if you're under 25 and you don't know what tracing paper is,

  • before computers

  • when we wanted a copy of something,

  • we bought a very thin sheet of paper

  • and then we placed it over the thing that we wanted a copy of

  • and then we traced over it.

  • And then, we had something that looked

  • completely different.

  • And that was helpful.

  • Bought this tracing paper.

  • Ran upstairs to my bedroom.

  • Closed the door.

  • Locked it.

  • Opened up my Spider-Man comic book, found the largest picture

  • of Mary Jane, Spider-Man's girlfriend.

  • Traced her beautiful body

  • that was drawn by some

  • horny, sex-deprived artist.

  • And then I didn't

  • fill in any clothes.

  • And then I filled in the middle out of

  • sheer rumour and hearsay.

  • I drew in nipples all over the goddamn place.

  • I put in pubic hair way too wide, way too high.

  • I'm sure of it.

  • And that's it!

  • I didn't do anything weird.

  • I didn't know you could do anything weird.

  • I just looked at it,

  • and knew I loved it.

34 is a weird age. I'll tell you why!

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