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  • DUNKEY: Come on, man. It's the very first level.

  • JESSE: Oh shit.

  • DUNKEY: It's the easiest one.

  • JESSE: I don't want to get crushed.

  • JESSE: Come on.

  • DUNKEY: It's the first level!

  • JESSE: [Frustrated] NOOO!

  • JESSE: I play with a keyboard; it's really hard.

  • DUNKEY: There you go, there you go.

  • DUNKEY: Fuck this.

  • [Dunkey laughing]

  • JESSE: WHAT?!

  • [continued laughter]

  • DUNKEY: BONK!

  • [even more laughing]

  • DUNKEY: BANK!

  • [too much laughing]

  • JESSE: This is fucking bullshit.

  • JESSE: Fucking LET ME OUT!

  • [laughing]

  • JESSE: Are you fucking kidding me?

  • DUNKEY: Jesse just quit out.

  • SKY: Why?

  • DUNKEY: I don't know, I was helping him win and he just, he quit.

  • SKY: Did he get mad?

  • [Dunkey laughing]

  • JESSE: Can you fucking stop?!

  • DUNKEY: I won't do it again. I won't do it again.

  • DUNKEY: Ha!

  • [Dunkey laughing]

  • DUNKEY: All right, all right, I'll stop.

  • DUNKEY: You want me to stop?

  • JESSE: Yeah.

  • DUNKEY: OK.

  • DUNKEY: Too bad.

  • JESSE: OHH MY GOD

  • [Dunkey laughing]

  • DUNKEY: One second, man. Leah wants to play, OK?

  • [Leah and Dunkey laughing hysterically]

  • JESSE: Can you fucking stop?

  • DUNKEY: [whispering] Wait for Jesse to beat the whole thing, then jump on his head, OK?

  • LEAH: [whispering] OK.

  • [muffled laughing]

  • JESSE: I can hear what you guys are saying.

  • SKY: God dammit, Jason.

  • SKY: Just beat the level.

  • DUNKEY: C'mon man.

  • DUNKEY: If I beat the level, what do you learn by that? You know?

  • SKY: Oh my god, it's been so long!

  • DUNKEY: It's only been two and a half hours.

  • DUNKEY: On this specific level.

  • DUNKEY: You got this, c'mon.

  • DUNKEY: You almost got it.

  • DUNKEY: There you go.

  • DUNKEY: Here, let me show you how to do it. Let me show you.

  • [Dunkey laughing]

  • SKY: Beat the fucking level, or so help me god.

  • DUNKEY: C'mon, you got this.

  • JESSE: Come the fuck on, dude.

  • DUNKEY: You got this.

  • DUNKEY: Come on.

  • DUNKEY: You know how to do that.

  • DUNKEY: There you go -

  • DUNKEY: Ooh, there you go, c'mon -

  • DUNKEY: You got this!

  • DUNKEY: Oh, look at you! You did it!

  • DUNKEY: You did it.

  • DUNKEY: There you go -

  • DUNKEY: You're fucking garbage.

  • DUNKEY: You're fucking -

  • JESSE: Shut the fuck up!

  • JESSE: All right, I know what to do for the blade now.

  • JESSE: See? Watch.

  • JESSE: If I start this time, it goes across...

  • JESSE: OK -

  • JESSE: OK!

  • JESSE: You see? All, right I'm starting to get it. DUNKEY: You see?

  • DUNKEY: Now you're starting to get it.

  • DUNKEY: There you go.

  • DUNKEY: Now you got it.

  • DUNKEY: Ah, there you go.

  • DUNKEY: What are you doing?!

  • DUNKEY: C'mon!

  • JESSE: I'm trying!

  • DUNKEY: What are you even...

  • DUNKEY: You're just dying to the first thing!

  • JESSE: Can you just fucking go right?!

  • DUNKEY: You almost have it. I swear to god.

  • DUNKEY: You're so close.

  • JESSE: Oh my gooooood.

  • DUNKEY: Just c'mon.

  • SKY: Oh -

  • SKY: Oh!

  • SKY: WINWINWINWINWINWINWIN

  • SKY: JASON

  • SKY: Jason.

  • SKY:What

  • SKY: The fuck?!

  • SKY: GOD.

  • SKY: Stop!

  • SKY: Nooooo!

  • SKY: Jason!

  • SKY: Fuck you.

  • JESSE: All right, c'mon.

  • DUNKEY: Turbo mode:

  • DUNKEY: Activate.

  • DUNKEY: Here I go.

  • [exciting music playing]

  • DUNKEY: I'm coming.

  • DUNKEY: Engage turbo thrusters.

  • JESSE: Come the fuck on!

  • DUNKEY: Jet mode enabled.

  • JESSE: All right, c'mon.

  • DUNKEY: Here I go.

  • DUNKEY: Mega boosters online.

  • DUNKEY: Here I come.

  • JESSE: Come the fuck on.

  • DUNKEY: I have now entered warp speed.

  • JESSE: Jesus fucking -

  • [Jesse groans]

  • DUNKEY: Here I go.

  • DUNKEY: Super mode - [ music stops ]

  • DUNKEY: Are you kidding me?

  • DUNKEY: Now I gotta start all over again.

  • [music restarts]

  • [Jesse laughing]

  • DUNKEY: You're so fucked when I get over there.

  • PBAT: Oh, what the fuck? It makes you put in my CD key?

  • DUNKEY: Yep. It's one of those games.

  • PBAT: God fucking -

  • PBAT: Why?

  • DUNKEY: It's the only game with a CD key . PBAT: That's so stupid.

  • DUNKEY: There's no resolutions, either.

  • PBAT: Is there at least controller -

  • PBAT: Yeah, there's controller support.

  • DUNKEY: There's no controls.

  • PBAT: There's no controls? [Laughing]

  • DUNKEY: OK, this is the tutorial.

  • PBAT: Fuck you! Let's fucking -

  • DUNKEY: I can jump on your head whenever I want. PBAT: JASON!

  • PBAT: God, I can't even -

  • [both laughing]

  • PBAT: Fuck you.

  • PBAT: Let me kill you. This is bullshit.

  • DUNKEY: Gotcha! [laughing]

  • PBAT: How the fuck do you keep getting it?

  • DUNKEY: I'm good at this game.

  • PBAT: Also why do I have, like, a fucking banana on my...

  • PBAT: Why do I have a banana peel?

  • DUNKEY: How did you get a banana?

  • PBAT: What is this supposed to be? Do you see it in my hand?

  • DUNKEY: That's a like a, um...

  • PBAT: Like a yellow banana peel?

  • DUNKEY: It's like a little -

  • DUNKEY: You piece of shit!

  • DUNKEY: Damn!

  • PBAT: Oh fuck, I didn't see that.

  • [ victorious music playing ] DUNKEY: I put your music on man.

  • DUNKEY: C'mon.

  • DUNKEY: Your favorite jam.

  • DUNKEY: You can do this!

  • DUNKEY: There you go!

  • DUNKEY: There you go! C'mon!

  • DUNKEY: Bring it home.

  • DUNKEY: You got this! C'mon man.

  • JESSE: All right, I do got it.

  • JESSE: Gotta chill out before I -

  • DUNKEY: Don't get nervous.

  • JESSE: OK.

  • [music stops]

  • [frustrated screaming]

  • DUNKEY: OK, Dion.

  • PBAT: Go.

  • DUNKEY: You distract the bullets...

  • PBAT: Jason, go!

  • DUNKEY: Meanwhile, I'll sneak past. PBAT: I'm distracting them, move!

  • PBAT: Move!

  • PBAT: I can't... I can't keep... I can't keep doing this. It's im...fuck...

  • PBAT: Go!

  • PBAT: Get over the thing! DUNKEY: OK, I'm ready.

  • DUNKEY: Here I go.

  • PBAT: Oh my god.

  • PBAT: Gotta go down... DUNKEY: Now be careful!

  • PBAT: Up, around... DUNKEY: Watch out for the hand.

  • PBAT: What hand?

  • PBAT: I don't see a hand!

  • DUNKEY: The hand, you got to watch out for the hand.

  • PBAT: What hand, J?!

  • DUNKEY: Gotta juke it out.

  • PBAT: I don't see a hand!

  • DUNKEY: Juke the hand out.

  • DUNKEY: That hand.

  • PBAT: Goddammit.

  • DUNKEY: And... dead.

  • JESSE: Don't say anything!

  • DUNKEY: And...

  • DUNKEY: Dead.

  • DUNKEY: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd...

  • DUNKEY: Dead.

  • DUNKEY: And dead.

  • DUNKEY: And dea-

  • DUNKEY: Oh my god! You can do this!

  • DUNKEY: C'mon man!

  • DUNKEY: You're right at the finish line!

  • DUNKEY: Just bring it home.

  • DUNKEY: You got this!

  • JESSE: YEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH

  • DUNKEY: But watch out for the red guy.

DUNKEY: Come on, man. It's the very first level.

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