Hi.

The audience is so well lit.

I feel like I know all of you.

It's normally dark out there.

No, when we started the show, I thought

they should be part of the show.

They shouldn't be in the dark.

They should be as lit as we are.

So we actually include them in the show.

I like that.

OK, cool.

That's on purpose.

Do you want me to turn--

It's a little scary.

OK.

No, no, no, it's OK.

[INAUDIBLE]

Do you not want to see them?

No, no, no, it's fine.

Just keep smiling.

OK.

Be supportive.

So first of all, the movie is fantastic.

Thank you.

Portia and I loved it.

Thanks.

We watched it and said this is like a good old-fashioned spy

thriller that the way movies used to be made.

Yeah.

And I just love it.

I think you're great in it.

I think the movie is fantastic.

So I highly recommend it.

I think it's fantastic.

Thank you so much.

And it comes out today, so now you're officially on vacation.

Yeah.

And you have an alter ego when you go on vacation.

Yeah, I can't go on a vacation right now.

Because I just can't--

I can't deal with Gail at the mo--

I need to rest before Gail.

OK, why did you name her Gail?

I didn't.

She almost named herself.

I think my girlfriends probably named her Gail just

by the way I look.

And it's a very specific drunk too.

It's not just like every time I'm drunk, I turn into this--

I think she's some sort of tortoise gambler or something.

I don't always turn into this masculine alter ego

that jumps into shark ridden waters

just to make my friends laugh.

My friends were like, that's too far, Jen-- no not funny.

It's not every time.

I think it might be rum, which is

what I brought up to Colbert.

Because the only time I drink rum is on vacation.

Well, you're on vacation.

Bring the rum.

[APPLAUSE]

I can't.

I can't keep doing this.

Oh my god.

I can't.

I really can't.

I'll take this one.

They're all labeled.

Oh my god.

That's rum punch.

They're fake, right?

Are they--

Let's see if they are.

That's real.

Yeah.

Oh my god, this is going to turn into my whole thing.

But you don't normally--

I'm not this big of a drinker.

When I'm on a press tour, I really drink a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Only on a press tour.

Yeah, but if I'm working and filming, then I can't.

No.

It's not like I'm like this every night.

No.

Well, you wouldn't be able to.

Because you're very professional.

No, but bus tours.

It's the only way to make it through.

Yeah, so let's talk about Gail some more while you drink that.

Gail is a lovely-- she's got a heart of gold.

She's just--

Can we show a picture of Gail?

Because she does look very different.

There she is.

There is my girl.

So that's how--

Zoom in, please.

That's how you normally look.

And then Gail is--

what is the difference there?

First of all, that's not how I-- oh my god.

Look, I was trying to look cute.

I was getting photographed with all my girlfriends

on the beach.

I wanted to look cute.

And look what-- I can't even repeat it.

My whole face is just crooked.

It's a different face.

Yeah.

That's not your normal smile.

I hope not.

No.

It might be.

I don't know.

No.

But the hair too, just so presidential.

Yeah.

What happens?

So you become braver.

You go into shark infested waters.

I'll just give you five seconds of Gail.

So from there, we went conch diving.

And we pull up the conch, and the guy driving our boat

goes look.

They all have little worms.

I took it out of his hand and swallowed it, and then pulled

the worms out of all the conchs and swallowed all the worms.

And some of my friends are like kind of laughing.

But they're like hello?

Hello?

And then we pull up.

And he's like, and this is where the fishermen

clean all the fish out.

So there's all these sharks here.

And I was like sack and just jumped in.

And everyone's like somebody get her some water and coffee.

She's going to die.

Wow.

It was just one masculine--

what are those people called, adrenaline junkie?

Adrenaline junkies?

Yeah, and I'm like--

I'm normally pretty cautious.

I've never really broken--

You sit like that.

I sit like this--

Wow.

--in my real life.

And then I get rum in me, and I'm just

like let's arm wrestle!

So because usually if you drink vodka, you don't become Gail?

It's only rum.

I'm trying to think what I drank at your birthday.

Vodka.

OK, that's--

I think you did.

Yeah, and that did something else but not Gail.

But I think someone was passing a tra--

I think it was Reese walking around with a tray of tequila

shots, though.

So I don't know if you did that.

I probably knocked the tray over.

Rawr!

I don't know.

All I know is after five minutes, me

and Jennifer Aniston had our arms around each other.

No, I love you the most!

No, I love you!

We were just like ah!

Nostrils flared.

Wow.

I love her.

And she loves you.

I love a lot of people at your party.

So what kind of drunk was this on--

this was a red carpet.

Oh, jeez.

And I want to know--

Oh!

[LAUGHTER]

No!

What?

No!

Oh, god, it was so awful.

In my defense, please take her away.

Oh my god.

Oh my god!

That's not Gail, right?

No, that's someone else.

I just met her the other night.

I feel like her name ends with an E,

or [? Veronica-e ?] or something.

I don't know.

So what happened was I did Andy Cohen.

I was drinking a lot of wine.

And then I went to Colbert, tried to sober up.

I was drinking coffee.

And I was like, uh oh.

I got too drunk with the housewives,

which is something I've always dreamt of saying.

So I was like, I got too drunk with the housewives.

I'm trying to drink coffee.

And then he pulls out shots of rum in the middle of the show.

Then I have to go to the premiere.

And I am hammered.

And so, I get on the red carpet.

I'm like don't look drunk.

Don't look drunk.

And then I look like I've been electrified.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

That was you trying not to look drunk?

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

It would have been better just to look drunk, I think.

Yeah.

I think my nipple was out too.

I was just all sorts of awful.

I don't think your nipple is out.

Is your nipple out?

[INAUDIBLE] I really think drinking is a good idea for me.

Yeah.

It's a good way to get through a [INAUDIBLE]..

Yeah.

No, it worked out.