to have a girlfriend until you're like 35.

She is loving, but very strict.

She's constantly moving, constantly working,

constantly offering you food.

I would say my mom is wild.

She's very energetic and very silly.

She can yell.

Like, across like a football stadium.

"Sissy Joanne!"

What have I done in my past life

to deserve this?

She'd be like, "Huh?"

"Huh? What did you say?"

"Can you say that again?"

"Say that to your mother."

I always just figured I would just like never date when I was in high school,

or that if I was gonna do it,

I'd have to do it in secret behind her back.

They want you to focus on schoolwork,

and then by like 25, they're like,

"What's wrong with you?"

"Kevin, if you had a girlfriend, you would tell me, right?"

I'm just like, "Yeah, sure."

"You don't need any other man in your life besides your father."

Discussions with my mom about dating

were basically nonexistent.

When I go shopping with her, she'll be like,

"Nothing past $10."

My mom has basically taught me

that I don't have to pay anything at full price.

"You have a shirt just like that, Sissy."

"Why would you spend any more money on another shirt like that?"

"Kevin, you need to think about the family."

"It's not just about you."

Up until college, I wore exclusively JCPenney clothes.

With career, my mom was just always like,

"Are you sure you don't want to be a nurse?"

"Well, you studied something Englishy, you could go to law school."

When my mom met my roommate,

who is a programmer, she was like,

"Chris could have been a programmer too."

"He majored in programming, but you know, he's not a programmer."

"You know, you should get your master's degree."

"Oh, you know, there's still time to be a pharmacist."

"Doctor" still gets thrown around.

"Oh, why don't you become a doctor?"

She wanted me to kind of grow in her footsteps

and do that same career,

but it never really worked out,

and I think she just got over it after a while.

Sometimes moms just have a hard time accepting the fact that

they can't help you with everything.

I think that's also a really good opportunity

for you to like bond with each other.

I'd resented it when I was younger,

but I appreciate it now, and I wouldn't change anything.

And so I don't think I could ever thank her enough

for always just looking out for me and making sure that

had my head on straight, had money in my pocket, and my stomach was full.