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  • [music]

  • This week's Music Monday is the Alien Debut edition with EXO-K's 'Mama'

  • [music]

  • WOOOOAH!

  • After 10,000 teasers and prologues and singles that aren't really singles but feel like singles. . .

  • EXO has finally debuted with their first single, which I actually consider their third single.

  • I get it. SM was trying not only to build up hype for their new band,

  • but also tell mini-stories that lead up to their debut video.

  • Which is a pretty bad-ass explanation of EXO's roots.

  • Which, in brief, is this:

  • EXO are not actually boys but 12 forces which protect a tree.

  • From what?. . . I don't understand what it is.

  • My guess? Intergalactic lumberjacks or a hoard of hungry space beavers.

  • Except, that doesn't sound as impressive when I say it.

  • Where's Morgan Freeman's voice when you need it?

  • [Morgan Freeman impression] "And thus, came the penguins, walking."

  • "And I make this sound interesting when it really isn't."

  • And these 12 forces have taken on the shape of young, slim, good-looking Korean boys!

  • Which, when they're not protecting Tree of Life on their free time,

  • join together in union to practice singing and dancing.

  • I get it! Bet it'd be hella boring to just stand around and protect a tree all day!

  • It's like, "Look!! I've got the power to create a fire eagle!"

  • "But I should just stand around and protect the tree!"

  • "Hey guys! Look! Look at my fire eagle! Look! Look! LOOK!"

  • "Oh shiii* almost burned down the tree. Gotta go"

  • [godly boom voice] You twelve are banish-ed to Earth for almost burning down Tree of Life

  • "Oh man! Earth is so laaame!"

  • [GBV] Accept your punishment with more dignity than that you whimpering Korean boy!

  • Okay! So Before we go any further into this video about EXO's mythology,

  • we've got to point out something that's REALLY been nagging us.

  • I NOW understand why Super Junior has had such lackluster videos lately.

  • In which they just dress well and dance in oddly lit rooms over and over again.

  • It SEEMS that SM has been saving all of their money for EXO,

  • and have been neglecting Super Junior as a result.

  • Seriously. I get it SM.

  • Super Junior is already well-established with a HUGE fanbase

  • that will blindly love everything Super Junior does no matter what it is.

  • So SM knows that they don't have to spend a lot of effort with Super Junior.

  • But, I still personally feel that SM should have spent a LITTLE bit of that budget from

  • EXO's 25 teasers and 3 music videos, on just beefing up Super Junior's videos a little bit.

  • "Ok guys! Listen up. Heechul! Pay attention. Shindong, hey."

  • "Um, for todays' music video we're gonna have you guys in an oddly-lit room, um, and we're gonna get- oh!-

  • we're gonna get the slo-mo camera! Ooo, sparkly! Slo-mo camera! Great!"

  • "What? We already did that for our last music video aaand, we already used the slow motion camera a lot."

  • [clears throat]

  • "Shindong come here."

  • "Huh?"

  • [scary demon voice! D:] "I will beat you by the SOLES of your feet so that NOBODY can see the bruises."

  • "Let's see you dance THEN lover boy!"

  • "I'm sorry!!"

  • "That's right. Okay everyone! Costume, places!"

  • Okay! Back to the song and video!

  • We totally LOVED this song! This really brings SM back to the music that we really love from them.

  • Not electro, club, rap mash-ups, but instead, something EPIC!

  • And this song is so super epic!

  • With the semi-Latin chanting in the background!

  • And the tension building violin riffs!

  • At least that's what I think.

  • Though Simon still likes the SONG, he's still really enamored by E-X-O's first single,

  • or their debut-debut, their prologue-prologue-prologue. . .

  • And still, 'rippido, flippido, super slow-motion' loses his pants on a daily basis.

  • [Simon background performance] Iiii lost my miiiiind!!!

  • As for me, my rock roots can't help but alert me to the striking similarities this song has to Led Zeppelin's 'Cashmere'

  • or Puff Daddy's 'Come with Me' featuring Jimmy Page.

  • I mean, it's DIFFERENT, but it's pretty SIMILAR, but I'm not saying I don't like the song.

  • I'm just saying that my rock roots alerted me.

  • But, perhaps that's just because I'm old.

  • And DYING. Dying of oldness, and dying for

  • a Viva Puff [the cookie?]

  • Raspberry! [It has raspberry filling!]

  • Now, as we were saying before in our understanding of their mythology,

  • EXO used to be 12 forces that protected Tree of Life.

  • Not THE Tree of Life, but Tree of Life.

  • But, being young boys, they obviously fooled around with their super powers

  • until they almost burned down Tree of Life.

  • So, their MAMA kicked them off their planet, onto the parallel universe,

  • planet Earth, to teach them a lesson.

  • At first, when EXO arrives on Earth, SOME people don't really care about MAMA's warning.

  • While OTHERS, have taken MAMA's scolding to heart.

  • Especiallyů

  • This guy.

  • He looks the most depressed to be off of Planet EXO.

  • He's all, like, sulking in the middle of the desert,

  • Sitting on a lawn chair,

  • making angry tornadoes and catching butterflies for Skyrim.

  • At least, I hope he's the one who's responsible for that tornado,

  • and not just some random dude about to be mowed down by a class six while he runs around chasing butterflies.

  • Otherwiseůyour lack of any spider senses

  • are about to get you killed.

  • Meanwhile, the other fire Exotics and transportation Exotics are still fooling around with their powers very irresponsibly.

  • Yooo, bro! What's up?

  • Ugh! Can you stop fooling around with your stupid Death Eater transportation powers?!

  • This is what got us kicked off the planet in the first place!!!

  • Pfft! Jealous bro?

  • Ugh! What kind of lame power doesn't(?) teleport 3 feet? That's so dumb!

  • I can transport more than 3 feet you know!

  • Pssh! Yeah, prove it.

  • Fine! I will!

  • Sucker.

  • [emotional breakdown]

  • NO ONE WHO CARE ABOUT ME!!!

  • Uhhhh, this is AWKWARD.

  • WHO SAID THAT?!

  • Eyyy, yo bro!

  • Ugh. Gooo awaaay.

  • Oh come on! I'm really really bored! Play with me!

  • It is this kind of irresponsible Death Eater transportation that got us booted off the planet in the first place.

  • Gooo awaaay.

  • Oh God you're so boring.

  • Ooo butterfly, ha ha ha!

  • [emotional breakdown continues]

  • [emotinal breakdown continue] Still crying ey loser?

  • DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!!!

  • [incomprehensible scream]

  • I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!

  • Haduken!

  • -Yooo -Yoooo

  • -Yooo, cool transportation-ness bro. -Nice sunglasses.

  • -Thanks, good bros think alike. -Yeeeeah.

  • Hey! Remember how I almost burnt down Tree of Life with my awesome fire burn?

  • Yeah.

  • Well, there's another member, about to be in a lot more trouble.

  • -With MAMA? -That's right!

  • What did he do?

  • [secret whispers]

  • -I know! -Let's go, let's go!

  • Okay!

  • Kai, dude!! You know that's permanent right?!

  • Sidenote:

  • You know who transports into a puff of black smoke?

  • Death Eaters! That's who!

  • Think about the implications.

  • "You're a wizard EXO!"

  • Okay, so apart from the slightly confusing super power

  • part in the video, we gotta admit, this video was really freakin cool-looking.

  • I want the burn the fire shoes when I walk.

  • I want the fire shoes.

  • Seriously, this video is exceptionally well done and exceptionally

  • Awesome!

  • From the special effects, dancing, the amazing set changes.

  • But we were a little bit weirded out with the part with Kai I think his name is, and he's covered in tattoos

  • and like screaming violently at the camera.

  • Now, sometimes we complain about like random rap sequences that are thrown into songs.

  • But, I think this is the first time we've ever complained about a face-tattoo, up-close, screamo guy.

  • It just really snuck up on me out of nowhere, and I personally, really love heavy metal.

  • I know, you're like, "She likes heavy metal?"

  • But I do! I totally love heavy metal.

  • I think maybe if this was already a rock song, then it would've fit in perfectly.

  • But it was just kind of like,

  • "Woah! Korean Mike Tyson yellin' at me."

  • But within the context of this video, it was a little bit awkward.

  • Sorry Kai(Bai Bo)

  • [music]

  • This dance was just AMAZING.

  • These guys must have been training REALLY REALLY hard because they are almost in PERFECT unity when dancing.

  • I would personally say that some of the members are a little bit better at dancing than others.

  • It's not that the other people are BAD dancers, It's just that a few of them really kind of popped out for me.

  • What I really liked about this dance was that it had a very like crisp, robotic feel to it.

  • Like when they started the invisible lawn mower.

  • Or when they threw their tiny invisible umbrella to the ground.

  • But then, it would suddenly become soft.

  • Almost like the robot had lost all its bones and just kind of like, melted away into a fluid movement.

  • Like when they were serving up pasta!

  • I thought it was really cool.

  • Also! Don't think I didn't notice your drive-by crotch caress,

  • Cuz I saw it!

  • I just really loved all the dances in the video.

  • And I was so happy that they had lots of little dances, rather than one dance that was kind of repeated over and over again.

  • My only request?

  • Never ask me to learn any of this dance,

  • because I will fail so miserably.

  • [music]

  • As for the English of the song, EXO gets aů.

  • Whomping ZERO out of Five.

  • Well, if SM didn't spend as much on Super Junior as they did on EXO for their video department,

  • They at least were fair enough to spend the same amount of money for the English lyric writing department.

  • Which is, f*** all, zero dollars.

  • SM, if you DID pay somebody to write those lyrics for you in English, you should probably call them and get your money back.

  • No surprise here. Allow me to read it to you.

  • "Careless careless Shoot anonymous anonymous "Heartless mindless no one who care about me?"

  • I didn't make that up.

  • Good googly goo, what the hell is this?!

  • Also, those ads at the bottom of your video, which you've embedded which nobody can ex outů

  • Come on! 'Genie is the music service for smartphone'?

  • (What's that even mean?)

  • I think they're trying to say that this is an application for your phone.

  • (What does it mean by service? Like-)

  • The music service-I don't even know!

  • [with accent] Genie is the music service for smartphone!!!

  • Who is this ad directed to?

  • If it's for Korean people, then write it in Korean!

  • If the ad is for English-speaking people, than I can tell you that I sure as hell will never download that app.

  • If there's this amount of Engrish just in the advertisement, I can't imagine how unusable that app would be.

  • Really, that is a very unprofessional ad.

  • And, even though the beginning animation sequence was AWESOMELY animated,

  • and that voice actor was top notch,

  • Don't let the National Geographic voice trick you into thinking that this actually makes sense.

  • Here it is, read in a normal voice, so you won't be tricked.

  • "When the skies of the ground were 'wumble' legends through their 12 forces nurtured the Tree of Life"

  • Really, I listened to this like 3 times,

  • WUMBLE legends is the only thing I could hear.

  • "An eye of redforce created the evil which coveted the heart of Tree of Life and the heart of slowly grew dry"

  • "To attend and embrace the heart of Tree of Life the legends hereby divide the tree in half and hide

  • each side, hence time is overturned and space turns askew" ???

  • I wanna cry.

  • Now, using mythological language SOUNDS cool,

  • And I can put together what they're TRYING to say,

  • But maaan, this sure was difficult for me.

  • I kept on feeling like I ALMOST got what they say,

  • But then something goes in there and I'm like,

  • "Now I lost you again"

  • All together, from the intro narration, to the Latin chanting, to the obnoxious ad at the bottom of the video,

  • this song and this video gets an epic 0 out of 5.

  • Or should I say in Latin terminology,

  • [Latin gibberish] Nihilo nigwingweh Expecto Patronum outev

  • Cuz V is five in Latin.

  • [music]

  • For last week's Gibberish edition we asked you which band had the worst Engrish.

  • BILASA CONQUERER OF KITTIES AND TEENAGED GIRLS HEARTS!!! in 'Baby, I'm Sorry' or T-Ara in 'Yah-yah-yah.'

  • And the winner was WOAH!!

  • It was totally T-Ara. I mean like T-Ara, woooah, we all know that you're the gibberish queens soů

  • Congratu- congratulations?

  • And also, congratulations to Bilasa for NOT winning?

  • P.A.R.T.- Whyyyy?

  • For this week's Alien Debut edition we ask you which epic debut you preferred.

  • B.A.P's 'Warrior' or EXO's 'MAMA'

  • Oh yeah! It's about to get nasty in the comments!

  • Leave your votes in the comments or in our facebook poll and we'll announce the winners next week.

  • Also, thanks to all the EXOtics who voted for MAMA this week.

  • If there's a video you want us to do for next week's Music Monday, head on over to

  • eatyourkimchi.com/kpopcharts and GET VOTING!

  • That is the only way that we determine who we do for Music Mondays; our K-Pop charts.

  • Go there. And vote.

  • And lastly, don't forget to 'like' and 'favorite' this video and to subscribe for more Music Mondays.

  • Take it away Spudgy.

  • [music]

[music]

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