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  • I don't know if you can tell, but I've always wished I was a big black woman.

  • I am not even kidding.

  • I am not kidding.

  • Growing up in the Bronx, big black women, they are my heroes.

  • Lot of kids, they worship superheroes.

  • But I was like...I don't wanna be like a hulk, I don't wanna ever turn into like a big weird green dude.

  • I wanted to turn into a big black woman because a big black woman doesn't take shit from anybody.

  • I take it from everybody.

  • Right, there is a true story.

  • Recently, I got shushed at a Barnes & Noble.

  • Now...

  • Barnes & Noble is not a library, people...

  • It's a store!

  • Don't let the books throw you!

  • This dude sitting there, and he's reading.

  • He started shush me, he's like...(Shush!!)

  • (slow blink)

  • Then he did that slow blink, you know the slow blink you do to show you are really angry.

  • Shush!! (small blink)

  • The only thing angrier than the slow blink is the super fast blink.

  • (super fast blink)

  • So he shushes me, and he slow blinks me.

  • That was enough!

  • And what did I do?

  • I back down...I back down.

  • Cuz I was in Clark Kent mode.

  • Who am I kidding, I am not even as cool as Clark Kent.

  • I am like a nebbish Woody Alleny Clark, I was like...

  • (Woody Allen's way of talking) I am terribly sorry disturb you...

  • (Woody Allen's way of talking) I...have no idea you could read in a store.

  • You know... and I was thinking...

  • Imagine!

  • But imagine if at that very moment, the moment this guy shushed me,

  • I could turn into my superhero with the snap of finger...Big Black Woman!

  • He shushed me, I would be like...

  • Oh! You did not just shush me, okay?

  • Excuse me!

  • the way, nobody does the slow blink better the big black woman.

  • Nobody!

  • Excuse me! (slow blink)

  • Okay, I don't care if you're reading.

  • I don't care if you're concentrating,

  • I don't care if you're trying to find out more about the topic you're interested in.

  • You do not shush a sister in the store, okay?

  • In fact, you shush me one more time,

  • I'm gonna beat you so bad, then I make a movie about it and call it "Tyler Perry's dead white man".

  • And then I will just shake my big black ass.

  • I can't even...

  • My skinny jean no ass can't even pretend to shake a big black ass.

  • It's sad.

I don't know if you can tell, but I've always wished I was a big black woman.

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B2 US big black blink black woman shush black slow

Elon Gold - Big Black Woman (Stand up Comedy)

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    Katharina Yang posted on 2018/01/31
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