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  • LOIS (offscreen): Kids, dinner's ready.

  • MEG (mockingly): Dinner's ready. Shut up.

  • A little of the ol' Schnappster outta get me right.

  • Hey, Chrissay!!

  • CHRIS (offscreen): Well that's delightfully informal, Meg. How the heck are ya?

  • MEG: Hey-yo! What's up in this piece?

  • - You're getting home late. - Yeah, we were hangin' out in the woods and

  • (LAUGHS) This one girl pushed another girl over while she was peeing.

  • They fought and then the cops came.

  • PETER: Meg, this is important... did she fall in the pee?

  • LOIS: I can smell your breath. You've been drinking, haven't you?

  • MEG: NO! Geez, Mom, get off my back!!

  • LOIS: Meg, we need to talk.

  • MEG: What, Mom? I know what you're gonna say, and I know how you're gonna say it.

  • Oh really?

  • Yep.

  • (mocking Lois' god-awful voice): I don't want ya drinkin' or your life is gonna go down da crappa!!

  • (Lois laughs because she is Satan)

  • LOIS: That's not bad. I mean, I sound nothing like that but it's a fun character (laughs).

  • But this is serious. Alcoholism runs in our family.

  • MEG: Hey! I'm just gonna SOMETHING runs in this family.

  • (Lois laughs... but she really shouldn't) I don't mean to... (she laughs again #Ugh) I don't mean to laugh, okay, but that was funny.

  • MEG: Mom, I'm just having fun. I'm finally known as something other than...

  • "The Chubby Girl Who Put a Lunch Lady in a Headlock"

  • And besides, Dad's the one who pushed me into going to that party.

  • Oh he did, did he?

  • Yeah I still think about Laura a lot.

  • You're already drinkin' tonight, weren't you?

  • (Meg laughs adorably then snorts) A little.

  • Well I can't talk to a drunk person if I'm sober.

  • Hey Jerome, can I get a beer please?

  • But now I'm starting to sober up so I'm gonna need one to even the playing field.

  • Alright, but it stays between us.

  • But what if they card ya?

  • Don't worry. I've got in covered.

  • - Wow, that's really good! - Right?

  • Jerome, make it two!

  • ["Party All the Time" by Eddie Murphy plays for the rest of the video]

  • (these aren't actual captions, but yes you read that right. Donkey sings this song)

  • (I hate it when they show Meg's scars :'( )

  • (so how are you guys doin'? Good?)

  • (You know you could turn these captions off, I don't think there's any other spoken dialogue for the rest of the video)

  • (Oh actually I love this part. Nice to know how much can fit in her mouth ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • Walrus.

LOIS (offscreen): Kids, dinner's ready.

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