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  • Frank, where the hell is everybody?

  • This was supposed to be our big opening night.

  • I'll tell you what the problem is.

  • Every successful restaurant has a hook or a gimmick.

  • That's what we're lacking.

  • (GASPING) No, we're not.

  • Frank, you're the hook!

  • That's right.

  • We just need to make you the face of the restaurant.

  • Well, it may be the five loaves of garlic bread

  • I ate this morning talking, but I think that's a swell idea.

  • (SINGING) You love the meal, the fancy feel,

  • the showbiz stories while you eat your veal.

  • It's family dining with a mobster

  • feel at Frank Sinatra's Restaurant.

  • Junior.

  • (SINGING) The wine is red with lots of bread, and portions,

  • uh, bigger than the horse's head.

  • (SINGING) You'll burp up sausages tonight in bed.

  • At Frank Sinatra's Restaurant.

  • (SINGING) Here's a toast to our host.

  • The food's not great, but drink enough and you won't know.

  • The guests will soon, and Frank will croon--

  • --a bee-bop, doobie-dop Italian tune.

  • You'll dine like royalty at Frank Sinatra's Restaurant.

  • We got big plans to please our fans.

  • Our cocktail waitress has enormous cans.

  • A men's room servant who will dry your hands

  • at Frank Sinatra's Restaurant.

  • Our pizza pies could win a prize.

  • The jukebox catalog is double size.

  • It plays both Capital and yes, Reprise.

  • That's re-preeze.

  • At Frank Sinatra's Restaurant.

  • Gorgeous views.

  • And top-shelf booze.

  • Yes, we serve Jews.

  • Um, that was never an issue.

  • So raise your glass.

  • We'll have a gas.

  • A seating's limited so move your ass

  • and plant it firmly here at Frank Sinatra's Restaurant.

  • Frank's Restaurant.

  • Frank's Rest- aur- ant.

  • [applause]

Frank, where the hell is everybody?

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