Don't talk to me before I've had a sip of coffee. [The "Morning" Person]

The last person who talked to me before I had coffee...

(beep) Don't touch me before coffee.

Went missing.

Some people are scared of me, but, whatever.

A drink should be refreshing, it should be like "Ooh, cool refreshing drink!", not "Ow! my mouth's on fire!" [The Iced Coffee Loyalist]

When it's hot I can walk around with my iced coffee and no one will judge me, and when it's cold, people are like what are you doing.

I love it.

So I drink my coffee black. No, no sugar, no milk, no frill. [The Black Coffee Drinker]

I just go to work. Just very plain.

Zero games on my phone. You know what I do? I read news.

That's it.

I know everything about coffee.

I am like the coffee connoisseur, sommelier, so. Coffee's not easy, it's not simple! [The Coffee Snob]

I've been studying the art of coffee for... 17 years now.

So we require all of our suppliers to pick the beans by feet.

It just tastes... you'll notice it once you develop the coffee palate.

Typically roasting just, in my experience, destroys the flavor of the bean, so we toast here, yeah.

Hi, may I please have an iced grande iced coffee, no classic, with a little bit of half and half? [The Coffee Addict]

I mean yeah, people say I'm a coffee addict, but I read the New York Times, they say it's fine, like no one's proven anything wrong with coffee, I don't think anything's wrong with coffee.

Hi again, iced grande iced coffee, no classic, with a little bit of skim milk.

For that, five sounds about normal a day. I mean this is... I'm up to three, so I think I could go up, you know, five is a good stopping point.

Barista, regular?

Yeah, I'll probably cut off around five.

I'm more of a slow, easygoing person, and I'm just not trying to be off the top all the time. [The Decaf Drinker]

I mean yeah, a lot of older people drink decaffeinated coffee, but I mean, I guess I'm kinda like an old soul myself.

I don't need help staying awake. Like, I enjoy resting.

I mean, isn't that normal?

I never miss a night's sleep. Not with this.

I love coffee, but I don't want to over-pollute my body. [The Health Nut]

Hi, I want an almond milk latte. How many calories is in that one?

For me it's really important that the milk is organic.

Almond milk, soy milk, hemp milk.

I'm in the process of trying to cleanse my body right now, so I don't want to pollute it with other unhealthy sugars.

Hi, can I have a large French vanilla coffee with lots of skim milk and three sugars?

So I like the idea of coffee, but I need to have a lot of milk in it, and a lot of sugar, because I don't love the taste of it.

Actually, can it just be more of like a milkshake? Just a little bit of coffee in it, like a drop?

It is not enough milk. Let's pour out half of that.

I loved coffee, but no more.

Because, I've been getting a lot of headaches and stuff. [That Guy Who's "Trying" to Quit]

I'm trying to quit coffee. It's been surprisingly hard.

If I was drinking coffee still, which I'm not, tea.

I really like light roasts actually because—you don't know this, and it's kinda counter-intuitive—but light roasts tend to have more caffeine in them, so you'd be getting more bang for your buck.

Me? No, I, I don't miss coffee.

If anything, coffee misses me.

What are you drinking?

Oh, um, it's tea.

You're drinking tea? What are you even doing here? It's a coffee shop.

Get out of here!