This first is from @Erica Marasco.

She said, "My husband said his diet was going really well.

He butt-dialed me the next day and I could hear him ordering at the McDonald's drive-thru."

Oh, I was getting my salad supersized, honey!

This is @LanaBananaTime.

She says, " My dad once caught me smoking cigarettes behind our house.

He confiscated them, and then a week later my mom caught him smoking them behind our house."

I learned of what to , dad.

You ruined me.

Um... This one is from @rachel_winters.

She said, " A guy I had a crush on asked me out. After he asked, I forgot to hang up the phone before I screamed "YAYYY!"

-That's good. -Good. Embarrassing is cute.

This one is from @ChrisPBacon...

Now I got it.

Wow, nice.

This is from @ChrisPBaconJR.

-You got me. -Yeah, you got it.

-Crispy Bacon. -Yeah

Fantastic. Junior. -Yeah, junior.

-Junior -Like Carl's Jr.

-I come number two. -Come number two?

-Yeah -You, you like that?

-No. -What are you doing?

He says, "I was pulled over by police for a broken tail light.

I told him I knew nothing about it, but then my wife kindly reminded me that I'd known about it for weeks."

Thank you. Thank you so much, honey.

This one is from @_bluebyme

B-L-U-E.

Blue by me ?

-Blue by me? -Blue by me.

She says, "One time I had a bad day, but when my mom came in I was crying into the mirror to see if I looked cute when I cried or not."

-Put the mirror up and ... -Wear mascara. Yeah.

Duck faces.

This one is from @PrissDubs.

She says,"My supervisor found me online shopping during the day.

I tried to change tabs but the tab I switched to was more online shopping."

Last one is from @Auntgirl.

She said, "I was looking up a guy's info on a college computer. Heard his voice from behind telling me how correctly spell his last name."

Oh!

There you have. Those are tonight's show. Hashtags.

Check out more of my favorites. Go to tonightshow.com/hashtags