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We've all done it.
We are so close to achieving a goal, and then...
Excuse me, where do you think you're going?
There they are. Getting in our own way.
Over there.
You're not.
Can you just-
No! Just turn around!
But I like-
*Hiss*
*Hiss*
Okay.
There are many ways that self-sabotaging can manifest itself, some of the more obvious ones being procrastination,
okay, let's do a video...
Write a vi-de-o...
I'll just look at Instagram for some
inspiration
*wailing*
OH my god, how she do dat?
Ewwww...
My god, UGH.
Yeah, video.
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, I got it. Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Okay,
just write it, I'll write it, its gonna be great.
self-medicating with alcohol and drugs,
There's so beautiful, please don't tell me Jerome gon' die
Or my personal favorite
comfort eating.
"Hi I have your post mates order? Four pies, right?" and of course there are more subtle ways that self-sabotaging can exist like having
aspirations that you never moved toward or having such a fear of abandonment that you cut ties once anything gets too
emotional or too serious or even just practicing alienating behavior that pushes people away
There are many reasons why we engage in self-destructive behavior, and for me after my sister died
I felt like I didn't deserve to have a good life when she was sitting in an urn in my parents living room, and so
subconsciously, I would make all these very small choices that over time led to me having a miserable miserable life.
I would choose partners poorly
I would have substance abuse problems
And I would run away from anything that made me happy
It took years of therapy to realize that I was even doing this and even years longer to actually
Stop doing it
But once we realized that the underlying cause of my self-sabotage behavior was feelings of unworthiness
And guilt we were actually able to work
Towards stopping that my therapist and I worked to create a dialogue that I could have with myself each time
I noticed that I was being destructive, so I would have to ask myself. "Why am I doing this?"
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,200
well

"I think I'm doing this because it makes me really happy and that makes me scared because I don't think I deserve to be happy"
"Why don't you deserve to be happy?" "Because I feel really guilty that my sister's never gonna have any emotions again."
"But is it your fault that she's never gonna have any emotions again?" "Technically, no.
I mean suicide was totally her decision if it were up to me
I would have said 'please don't do that'" and I would have to have this very logical Q&A with myself until it would
Emotionally resonate with me that it was all coming from an illogical place of fear if you engage in
self-sabotaging behavior
I really urge you to figure out why you're doing it and when
Because the more you actually notice it the easier it is to stop you just requires you
Challenging this negative thought process again and again and again because on some level you'll intellectually understand it
But it takes a while for it to actually sink in but before you know it years and years of hard work later
you'll eventually stop - yay!
I'm Anna Akana.
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Why we self sabotage

407 Folder Collection
Kristi Yang published on September 29, 2017
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