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  • yo, wassup HOMESICLES.

  • I'm gonna talk about substitute teachers!

  • I wanna say for the most part, we all like having subs.

  • You like, walk into the classroom, expecting it to be a normal day, and you glance over at the teacher,

  • and BOOM, it's a sub!

  • YES! Don't have to try today.

  • Most subs are pretty cool, they don't really care too much either.

  • and everyone just ends up having a nice easy break day.

  • They have this attitude like:

  • "OK, so I'm just gonna pop in a movie or something... do whatever you want, I'm just here to make sure you don't all

  • go miley cyrus wild and poke some kid's eye out with a ruler.

  • But sometimes they don't care too much and it gets kinda weird...

  • Like once, I had a Math sub, where we were just doing a worksheet or something, and this girl behind me was

  • eating carrots. But all of a sudden, she started choking on one of her carrots and was like

  • gasping and gagging and stuff.

  • And everyone turned around and was mortified.

  • wut.

  • what do we do!?

  • We all looked over at the sub for help and guidance or... something because of all people, he should have a plan.

  • And he was just... looking at her, not doing anything,

  • I'm sure, if the girl could've spoke at that time, she would've said:

  • "FREAKIN', I'M CHOKING ON A CARROT HERE!"

  • "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!"

  • "DO SOMETHING, YOU BUFFOON! AAGH!"

  • So for a small period of time, everyone was just helplessly looking at this poor girl choking on a carrot.

  • No one knew what to do!

  • FINALLY, one guy got up and did the choking Heimlich Procedure they teach us.

  • It was so legit! He even did the "are you choking" question like they say you have to.

  • If you haven't heard of the technique, or... for some reason they've changed it,

  • The steps are:

  • Approach the person and ask "are you choking?"

  • Do not proceed if they are not choking.

  • *laugh* it actually says that..

  • Get behind the person and wrap your arms around their waist. Be ready to support them if they faint.

  • Take your fist and place the thumbside against their belly, just above their belly button.

  • Grab the fist with the other hand, and thrust into the belly.

  • And the final step is: repeat thrusts until the object pops out, or until the person faints.

  • So... the girl didn't faint, he actually got the carrot out of her throat. and everyone was... relieved.

  • And after all that hollabalu, we all kinda looked over to see what the sub had to say about the situation,

  • and.. nothing! :O

  • He just watched the situation with a blank-slate look on his face! Like, what the heck! What are you?

  • I've never seen less of a reaction from such a big situation from anyone in my entire life.

  • he should make a reaction channel, come to think of it...

  • He'd blend in with most of the people on YouTube doing it already.

  • Anyway, enough with Mr. Blank-Slate.

  • I remember when I was in high school, we had kinda a main group of substitutes that were common to have

  • when a teacher called in sick or something.

  • And there was this one old man guy, that everyone knew, *pause*

  • and absolutely HATED.

  • And before you say something like: "Oh Jaiden, that's kind of rude to say."

  • In our defense, he hated us too.

  • Whenever a person walked in and saw him sitting behind the teacher's desk, the immediate thought would be:

  • "oh ffff- crap, it's gonna be a rough day today."

  • No one had to say it...

  • but we were all thinking it.

  • "OK Jaiden, so what was he like?"

  • Oh, stand up, so you can sit down because I'm gettin'- getting started.

  • Take the strictest person you know...

  • ..and throw them out the window because this guy is now that person.

  • I think he saw himself as a military instructor leading juvenile delinquents because he wanted every child to be

  • behaving:

  • Perfectly. To a T. No funny business.

  • and... yeah, that's not gonna happen in a high school, sooooo there's problem one...

  • He would start every class with the same lecture:

  • "Alright, sit down and zip up because we're taking attendance. If I hear any talking, you're being written up.

  • I don't tolerate jokesters in my classroom."

  • "I'm going to call out your last name, followed by your first name. And if I don't hear you say "Present" then

  • you're being marked "Absent". You should be paying attention because you only have one chance.

  • and I'm not calling names twice.. if I pronounce your name wrong, CORRECT ME. Alright, here we go."

  • He says that exact paragraph every time he starts a class, and I know it because I've had him enough times

  • to have it power-washed into my head. I kinda wanna believe he has it written down in frame somewhere in

  • his house, so he can proudly look at it before he goes to bed every night.

  • And he actually gets mad if you don't correct him if he pronounces your name wrong.

  • *lol*

  • I know from experience. I don't care when people pronounce my name wrong, it happens all the time.

  • I've gotten used to it.

  • So I thought I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

  • "Aneemations..."

  • "Jai-aiden."

  • "Here."

  • "Did I say that correctly?"

  • "it's close enough."

  • "CORRECT ME NEXT TIME!"

  • uh- sorry? *lols*

  • He reminds me of, if like Oscar the Grouch had a pet lemon, but the lemon was expired by 2 months

  • and he keeps forgetting to throw it away.

  • Like, "Aww crap, the lemon!"

  • "ahh, I'll do it tomorrow."

  • And he doesn't do it tomorrow...

  • So.. I'll call him Mr. YetToBeThrownOutLemon.

  • just for simplicity.

  • I truly don't know why Mr. YetToBeThrownOutLemon worked as a substitute teacher.

  • Because you could just SEE the child hatred in his eyes.

  • Somehow, he made everyone in the class feel uncomfortable just by existing.

  • So lemme tell u a STORY about Mr. YetToBeThrownOutLemon.

  • We had him in a Biology class once. and... we were just gonna work on a paper he had to pass out.

  • "Alright, we're going to be doing a worksheet today. If I hear any talking, YOU'RE BEING WRITTEN UP. This is an

  • individual worksheet, so there's absolutely no reason to talk to ANYONE at all during this hour."

  • "Everyone, come up to the front of the room right now and grab a paper.

  • "Umm, Mrs. Grapes does it so each person at a table has a number and she calls out a random number, and that

  • person just gets up and gets the paper for the rest of the table so it's easier to-"

  • "I WILL NOT HAVE SLAVES IN MY CLASSROOM!"

  • WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?! *lols*

  • This man just compared picking up papers for other classmates to SLAVERY.

  • SLAVERY!!!

  • Good god! I dee- auHH

  • So we did it his way, the 34 of us all got up at the same time, and shuffled to the front of the room,

  • awkwardly squishing together, to grab a paper from the one pile he made for us."

  • You. are. a fruitcake.

  • A did a lot of other weird, over-the-top things, but this was by far the best thing I've ever witnessed from him.

  • Oh, Mr. YetToBeThrownOutLemon.

  • You're a real piece of work.

  • "No talking."

  • "I'm going to call out your last name, followed by BLUEEGH BLUEEGHP."

  • "This is an individual worksheet to su- buffa vullafins reasons."

  • "I will not have sclaffles in my classroom."

  • i don't know what those are.

  • "This is an individual worksheet to sol the jump puffs LA TE EARF."

  • WEEH *coughing* HA HAHG.

  • *zombie sounds???*

  • metal gear...

  • "Jaiden, is there a Jaiden here... Ja-aiden... a Jaiden."

  • "ani... anim.. animations of jaiden. is there a ANIMATIONS JAIDEN. JA-JAIDEN. WHAT THE FFFU-"

yo, wassup HOMESICLES.

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B1 US jaiden choking worksheet classroom carrot substitute

Crazy Substitute Teachers

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    Pedroli Li posted on 2017/09/26
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