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  • Right first of all that smell is garlic, you are correct.

  • That's coming from my mouth (Yeah) into your nose.

  • Babe It's not coming from your mouth. It's just around you

  • You don't have to be cruel (like a mist.) with your truth, okay?

  • I was hungry, and I found some garlic infused croutons for a side salad, and I just thought I'd eat them neat.

  • Hi guys and welcome to the internet. Now as you know Rosie and I will one day be mothers.

  • Vaginally I mean, (I guess I guess) birth mothers (birth mothers)

  • We'll both be because obviously we'll both be mothers

  • Well of course, of course. I just went of course~

  • Because I had garlic croutons stuck in my throat (yeah, I know, don't I know about it.)

  • Alright. The thing is Rosie I think you've seen real life human birth before, right?

  • What in the flesh?

  • No not in the flesh Rosie.

  • Have you ever seen a live human birth on YouTube or the internet?

  • Yeah, I watched one that uh Miles watched ages ago um and um

  • It was like this woman squatting over a river

  • But what I was mostly (hold up, hold up what!) she was like this hippie.

  • But what I was mainly concerned about was she had bare feet on a rocky river bed.

  • And I was like ooooh that's digging in.

  • I don't think that's where the majority of her pain would have stemmed from. (I don't know she was squatting as well.)

  • It doesn't help though.

  • So I thought today's video would be interesting if I found a human

  • Baby birth to watch because I have never seen it from that end or any end in fact

  • Um I like to think that (never?) the stork just drops it in my lap.

  • Like in dumbo.

  • Don't go there Rosie. Don't go to that tragic place

  • Question have I got any kind of black pepper seeds stuck in my grill?

  • No

  • Really? Look again. *blows her stinky breath on Rosie*

  • I'm actually really nervous about this because I'm due on my period. Don't know why I just censored myself there.

  • Well... well that's a good thing.

  • My stomach's a bit off today anyway, because I'm just like a little bit kinda like

  • Just so you all know I'm on my fertile window

  • Any takers? Do you know do you want to know what my first word is?

  • Was it daddy?

  • It was actually boys

  • I'm going to watch this

  • I'm nervous about it because I genuinely think that first of all I will be put off for life.

  • I found a mummy I got obsessed with mummy youtubers cuz I was like we're gonna be a mummy youtuber one day

  • I bet that's not why you're obsessed with them. Did you fancy one of them? Yeah I did she's Asian.

  • The very last one when she pushed out the baby like finally like pushed out the head she titled it

  • And I've never forgotten this. I watched this like last year she titled it

  • "The Ring of Fire is real" (What?) 'Cause it's a birth term. (What!?)

  • 'Cause it burns

  • Ya know what, (That hurts me to think about.) Ya know what.

  • Your words don't daunt me (Really?) yeah. I'm gonna save my reactions to when I see it because I think I'm gonna be absolutely fine

  • *Screaming from the video*

  • My fear is that I'll give birth right? and after I've given birth I'll have to go for a wee.

  • And then (I think you just do it when it happens.) I'll go to the toilet with it all stitched up

  • Why would you need stitches? (Why would you need stitches?) what?

  • Are you being serious? Yes, if you have a natural birth your likelihood is you've got a tear or they cut you.

  • With Scissors!

  • I wish I hadn't eaten that garlic if I'm honest. (So do I.)

  • I wanna know your thoughts on something. (okay?) Yeah the placenta. (Yeah.) What is it? why is it? Where is it?

  • And why would anybody choose to eat it? (Okay the placenta is what's attached to the other end of the umbilical cord.)

  • And it gives baby vitamins, food, air, life it basically (A career?)

  • Okay so you're not a placenta eater?

  • (Yes.) You are? (Yes.) You see you say, this to the camera

  • I think you're full of shit mate. I think you're full of shit, so you'd eat a sack of shit?

  • No, it's the sack of minerals and vitamins very good for you. (Would you garnish it?) Yeah.

  • Oh, so you'd cook it? (Yeah.) You're disgusting.

  • Rosie what if this has a really adverse effect on our marriage and all of my like future plans?

  • Well, I think I really want to know if you're gonna have sex with me after the birth, and how long it takes

  • To be able to do that again. *Phone dings*

  • That's God texting me saying (Don't do it.) you know what don't worry about what you're gonna see a stork will bring you your special gift.

  • Thank you God

  • This is why you're on speed dial number one

  • I've got a few videos to watch actually, because let me tell you why, lets contrast (Oh my god!)

  • This is called the best and quickest all natural birthing videos this might make you feel very positive

  • No because if this is the quickest and the most natural and I still find it horrendous

  • What does that say about all the births that are really difficult? Are you listening to me? I'm having a state of whirlwind panic.

  • Ooh, or do you want to watch warning, graphic, (No.) very intense labor. (No, I don't.) Yeah lets watch that.

  • It says 18 and up.

  • If that lady is giving birth to someone 18 or up no wonder, this is graphic and awful to watch

  • What a gifted woman

  • This says after 14 long hours of labor

  • *Music plays from video*

  • (Do we need this?) it was time to push. (I don't need the music.) Yes we want to hear the screams. (Okay what screams?

  • wah oh

  • Well that's the vagina theres a lot of smegma around it. (Wait what where are you seeing a vagina?)

  • There. *sounds of displeasure*

  • Oh he's reaching his hand in.

  • *Screams of pain from the video*

  • Rosie I'm not doing that. (This is negatively affecting me.) Rosie I'm not doing that. There's no way.

  • This is really affecting me. (Pause it, pause it.)

  • For the record absolutely not I'm just not gonna do it.

  • Did you hear her? She was like "Ow no."

  • He was pushing. (Why was he pushing it back in?)

  • Because he's seeing I think he's feeling like what's going on in there. (That is the most counterproductive doctor I've ever seen in my life.)

  • Don't question his methods. (He's like its coming out, no it's not *gibberish*)

  • *Screams of pain from video*

  • Oh it's coming out

  • Oh fuck she's got a cramp.

  • Breathe.

  • *more screams*

  • Breathe Shante.

  • *more screams*

  • What's all that stuff? (The baby's stuck!) It's all hanging out its just hanging out! (It's stuck!) It's just hanging out!

  • Also that 18 year old is not happy, that they are coming out this way. (I know.)

  • I've never seen an 18 year old look so pissed off in my life. (I know.)

  • *Even more screams*

  • She is freshly lasered though.

  • *So many screams*

  • Oh there it is. *Rosie screams* (I missed it, go back.)

  • Did you see that? (I missed it!) Okay so let me just describe what just happened okay? (I was looking into the garden trying to go to my zen place.)

  • Okay let me tell you what I just saw that you missed right? The baby flopped out and then there was a gush of what only can be described as sewage water.

  • Poured out like a slip and slide.

  • *Rose screams now*

  • Dark green like a dark ridge (Rosie I can't do that.)

  • I can't even get a tattoo because I'm scared. (there was someone in my year who got pregnant very young won't name her she was like

  • 13, 14 and she got pregnant and had a baby.

  • How can she have done that with herself?

  • with her own, body?

  • Well in biblical times wasn't that the average mother age?

  • yeah because our living life was like nothing. (Ah.) We lived till like 30. (So then there's your answer Rosie.)

  • Yeah

  • Also we didn't have careers.

  • Also we didn't have contraception. (Well that's because Rosie that's because the mother didn't provide them.)

  • Right the next one is called "Natural and short labor with baby in sac"

  • Now I would like my baby to be in the sac as a parent

  • It's an easier birth. (Hold on why are they? What?) so babies are in like their own little bubble. (Like a sack race.)

  • Yeah, no. No.

  • Okay this is 14 minutes long. They said it was gonna be a short labor.

  • That's not anything I recognize. (This Midwife is excellent. She's wiping her face with moist towelettes.)

  • Her own face?

  • I can see it. (Do you?) I can see something happening.

  • I think she's giving birth.

  • *Screaming again*

  • All right, baby, there's been enough screaming so if we could just *Rosie screams*

  • Uhhh hold on pause, pause, pause, pause.

  • Okay, tell me more about this cord. (That's the umbilical cord.) Why? Is that so the baby can't swim too far out without being coming

  • Like a buoy? (I was gonna make so much more of that joke but I thought it was so funny that I couldn't even get into it.

  • Babe the scene of the crime is a mess. That is a mess. Does it go back to normal?

  • I hope so.

  • Does it go back to normal? Does it go back to normal?

  • Does it go back to normal? (Is this why you have to do pelvic floor exercises after you give birth?)

  • So you don't like peepee?

  • (Yeah because all your muscles are stretched.) Kate Winslet wasn't lying when she said that she pees sometimes on trampolines after birth

  • I do that now. (same I did it in...)

  • What would you compare that to? (That there honestly have you ever made pavlova with meringue and it sinks 'cause you didn't cook it properly?)

  • I can't imagine you could do that without pooping just a little bit. (A little bit.) Just a little bit right?

  • I think we're gonna be fine at parenting I really do. (Do you?) no.

  • Ow. (Oh I'm sorry). Thanks for leaning on me. (Did I hurt you? Was it as bad as childbirth

  • You're the reason the dog is so spoiled when we had her as a puppy she was adorable.

  • But I didn't want to carry her around all the time so I was like she'll get spoiled guess who carried her around all the time. her legs were shorter than

  • They are now it took her a long time to get places. (That's fine.) It was easier for me to just carry her like a baby.

  • Oh you're not gonna carry your baby? Wow, good parenting Rosie.

  • I actually think I'm gonna be the more stern one you go against me. (Oh, I'm sure you will yeah.)

  • Go do what you want. Live through experience. And I'm like no don't ever smoke, don't ever do drugs,

  • Don't ever talk to strangers or other people in general.

  • By the way

  • For another video, comment below if you think we should do this, I found some chocolate assholes online

  • (And I said to Rosie.) I really want to eat them for a YouTube video. (I said to Rosie.)

  • There's no way on earth those chocolate assholes haven't been molded around the real asshole, because

  • How else? There is someone Rosie in this world who exists right?

  • That is responsible for all these beautiful chocolate confectioneries being based on their own asshole.

  • I know what I'm going to excel at, breastfeeding.

  • (I'm..) I'm gonna whip them out everywhere. Offended? I'll just do it more

  • Right guys what's the matter with that yeah? (Honestly.)

  • Skinny latte coming up. (I'm not ashamed to breast feed in public.)

  • I'm not fucking ashamed to breast feed in public. (Also I'm feeding my child. What are you doing?)

  • Gawping (Yeah.) I'm already angry. (If it's a problem don't look then