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  • There is no threat to Earth in 2012.

  • All the talk about a doomsday is a big hoax.

  • Hello, I'm Robert Foster, your faithful host,

  • streaming another episode on the frequency of Juice News

  • infused with a healthy dose of sanity.

  • Good morning, viewers, tune in, gather round as we delve

  • into a Rap News update for the year 2012.

  • We report that the world wide ebb and flow of history is now plain and evident:

  • Occupations have stormed fortress Walls, with-in-tents and taken up residence;

  • leaks and revelations have led to revolutions, a deluge of ferment.

  • Ladies and gentlemen, if 2011 was a prelude, a portent

  • of things to come, then it's dramatically clear we're in for a massive year.

  • And to interpret these interesting times, we have General Baxter here.

  • But we'll start with our resident expert, Terrence Moonseed.

  • Terrence, what does this year mean as you see it?

  • - Oh, Boy! 2012 on the News Feed

  • You'd better listen up, Robert, cause I got a lot of phenomenal knowledge and I wanna be dropping it,

  • finally the news is choosing to report truth on a proper topic! You'll never stop me from hollering

  • Brace yourselves, cos I'm getting ready to send in the requisite academic medicine, heaven-sent

  • querulent evidence, never settling when I'm grabbing a hammer and smashing the Nephilim

  • This is the time for humanity's ascension

  • The fifth sunset in line with precession and the Mayans' calendar prediction

  • on December 21, this world will rise in unison,

  • from its prison into the fifth dimension and the highest of wisdom

  • But as we'll see, it's the catalyst for a whole catalog of catastrophes

  • calamities, as we reach the Terrencendental McKennical singularity

  • - What will all this mean for the fate of humanity?

  • - It means the fiends that seek to deceive and keep us weak'll reach a state of apogee

  • And it means that people cease the capacity for endless atrophy

  • that as a planet we rise from apathy and challenge the Draconian powers-that-be

  • - Who are they? - Aliens, parasites, they're among us, keeping us trapped in captivity

  • - General, your say? - Now, I don't know what planet he's inhabiting

  • but what the hippy is saying is accurate; forget the wacky analogy

  • Look around at the world, and you'll see it's already actually happening

  • right here on Earth, where human slaves are trying to rise

  • to take on the great elite,and take to the streets world-wide

  • against corporate entities which have taken on human form

  • - Protesting in New York, Portland, Spain, Greece and distant Melbourne

  • - Tent monster morons, homos, drummers, drug addicted freaks

  • - They say they're protesting to demand justice, and dignity

  • - Seriously? I read in The New York Times quite the contrary

  • they lack clear demands, they just want to live for free and get sympathy

  • in fact the only clear demand they've ever made

  • is for some pepper spray in the effing face.

  • Then they bitch and complain.

  • But it's just a food product, essentially. I take it daily,

  • with my favourite drink: Bloody Mili-tary

  • - hmm. perhaps speaking directly with the protesters would be wiser,

  • so we now cross live to Liberty Plaza; hello?

  • - Hello, fellow citizens of the world wide web.

  • We're Livestreaming Global Revolution direct in hi-tech

  • - The precariat is revolting, what can we expect to happen next?

  • - Let me get on the human megaphone, yo, mic check - Mic check

  • - the ninety nine percent - ninety nine percent

  • - have one demand to present - present

  • - expressed clear - expressed clear

  • the regime of alien corporations ends here.

  • - Are you the leader? - No. We are a movement of free thinkers,

  • without hierarchical structure - we're a movement of free thinkers--

  • - Shut up!

  • - I've got to ask if you're for free information, why the mask?

  • - because I am but an idea, whose time has arrived at last

  • and you can shoot a person, but ideas are bulletproof

  • - huh! prove it's true!

  • - As you wish...

  • We are Anonymous.

  • We are legion.

  • We do not forgive.

  • We do not... umm.. what was it?

  • I know it... We do not forgive, we do not...

  • - Forget! - oh, yeah.

  • Expect us.

  • - General? Terrence? Could this be the global shift that will avert apocalypse?

  • - Nonsense. - Although, I admit, I'm pro #Occupying policies

  • - Wait, I expected you to say that #Occupy should cease...

  • - Cease?! We've been #Occupying for centuries, on land, sky and seas

  • We #Occupied North America, #Australia and #Hawai'i

  • and if you've forgotten, it's 'cause we also #OccupyHistory

  • our buddies have #OccupiedTerritories; we've #OccupiedAfghanistan and Iraq

  • and this year's plan is to hashtag #OccupyIran

  • - Pah, wars and invasions, that's what people are #Occupying against!

  • - If you've benefitted from #Occupation, then you're in the 1%

  • But why stop there? 2012 is a time of attainment

  • First we'll #OccupytheElection and the next President's brainstem

  • And as soon as Earth is spent, we'll #OccupytheMoon, with spaceships

  • Then #Mars, and then we'll brutally #OccupyUranus

  • - Heinous! The only planet we actually have to worry about is Nibiru!

  • - Nibiwho? - Nibiru! The Planet X of fear and doom

  • it's due to smash right into our system -Oh!

  • - causing mass extinction - Whoah!

  • - bi-polar shifting - So, is this fact or Science Fiction?

  • - No! it's Zachariah Sitchin who decrypted Sumerian myths

  • and showed that we were cloned to mine gold by alien illuminati

  • - We are the slaves of aliens? - Yes! The Annunaki!

  • And they're coming soon!

  • - No, we're coming and we'll #OccupyNibiru, too!

  • - I'm confused... are we the aliens? And if that's true,

  • are we due to spread peace or war throughout the Milky Way?

  • - We'll bring love and light.

  • - We'll bring pepper spray.

  • - Well, dear viewers it's probable

  • that getting consensus on this issue is impossible

  • therefore we went to call on the honourable, venerable, Great Oracle

  • O Prophet, Seer, All-Knowing Chomsky

  • thank you for manifesting here.

  • - No problem.

  • We seek your sage advice and better wisdom

  • for instance, how can we stop terrorism?

  • - There's a simple method.

  • - What is it? - Just stop participating in it.

  • - So which in your opinion is the most significant threat to world peace?

  • - Our ignorance.

  • - I see, and how can we defeat this at last?

  • - Turn off your TVs for a start

  • - The media at large do seem to paralyse

  • hypnotically, divide, distract, and atomise

  • and cause us to be brainwashed and servile

  • Your thoughts?

  • - That's not controversial.

  • - Well, we should thank you, O Oracle

  • for guiding and leading us.

  • - Not at all, Robert

  • but I'm no oracle or leader

  • I'm just a linguistics teacher

  • - Alas, the time has arrived to end this episode; much is left to be known

  • but we'll strive to analyse events as 2012 unfolds:

  • Will we see Aliens, popular awakening, mass insurrection?

  • divine intervention or, who knows... maybe even a true democratic election?

  • We'd settle for any one of them! For this grand human experiment

  • seems to be sleepwalking towards a social, ecological and existential reckoning

  • and with GM seeds in the soil, droids deployed, peak oil threatening,

  • This year's headline: will we avoid the precipice, or dive off the edge of it

  • Whatever your preference, creed, conspiracy or party membership

  • Our fate could depend on what we want "2012" to represent

  • this date that we've subconsciously identified

  • as our collective, self-imposed deadline for correcting our way of life.

  • With so much energy aligned on this point in time,

  • with all that we are, and could be, potentially on the line

  • Could this be our final meeting point, prior to the rising or turning of the tide?

  • the clock is already ticking, see you next time--

  • on the other side.

There is no threat to Earth in 2012.

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