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Hey, everyone!
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So, I wanted to announce the MacAir winner, first of all.
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Congratulations!
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If this isn't you, don't worry, I'll be giving another MacAir and announcing the winner on September 13th.
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Now, I have been a serial monogamist since I was 15.
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Right? I'm all about that long term relationship.
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And I've said this a million times but I wanted to say it again, I don't believe in playing games when it comes to dating.
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Okay, so if you want him to like you, you have to be 6 feet away from him at all times.
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If he texts you, calculating the amount of time between all of his texts on average, and then add 2, divided by 14, plus 3,
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that's how much time you have to wait before actually hitting him.
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And when the sun is equidistant from the equator on the line of Polaris, make sure that you absolutely wear short shorts.
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Personally, I like to be as direct as possible.
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I like you!
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And not everybody likes that, and that's fine!
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You can just move on.
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Trust me.
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Somebody who only wants you because they can't have you is always going to be looking for the next best thing.
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Babe, you've been on your phone this entire dinner, what are you doing?
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Playing a game.
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Babe, can you not play games while we're on a date?
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Just give me like 2 more minutes.
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Yeah.
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Plus, playing hard to get always feels like you're something to be gotten, right?
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Like you're something to be shopped for.
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We have an array of girlfriend models available, this is our best-seller, called "the Parents' Pleaser".
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Made of organic wifey material and comes with the most upgraded cooking software.
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If you're looking for something a little bit more on the wild side,
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she has 2,500 spontaneous evenings downloaded into her as well as potentially dangerous advantures.
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And a pension for aggressive bed play.
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What about that one?
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Ah, apology, sir, that one is unfortunately sold out.
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Well, can't I just take the display model?
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Well, I suppose you could, would you like to know what she comes with?
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No, I don't care.
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Take my money.
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Dating is hard enough as it is.
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You're two people who come with your own set of baggage, trying to come together in this lasting emotionally supportive relationship
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where you still maintain a physical attraction and regular intercourse with each other.
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Like, why would you add to that already complicated system by faking your feelings up front?
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I'd like to take you to dinner on either the 8th or the 9th at 7pm.
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Hmm, I've got classes those evenings.
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How would Thursday the 11th work for you?
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Brunch? Followed by the museum of modern arts.
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Done and done.
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I love a man who can keep up a schedule.
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I love a woman who can plan.
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Pencil me in.
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I write in pen.
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It worked with my boyfriend.
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I mean I met him through mutual friends and I thought he was very cute.
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And so... you guys remember that Facebook feature where you had to "ask" a person's relationship status?
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I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who's ever used that freakin' button.
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But I asked it, he was single.
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And I said, "Hey! You're Cute! I'd like to take you out to dinner. And it's my birthday so you can't say no."
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And he didn't say no.
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And that was two years ago.
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So, I encourage you, just for the realm of possible love in your life to just throw away the games and give your heart.
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I'm Anna Akana, stay awesome Gothem.