So I wanted to announce the MacAir winner first of all.

Congratulations!

If this isn't you, don't worry, I'll be giving another MacAir and announcing the winner on September 13th.

Now, I have been a serial monogamist since I was 15.

Right? I'm all about that long term relationship.

And I've said this a million times but I wanted to say it again,

I don't believe in playing games when it comes to dating.

Okay, so if you want him to like you, you have to be 6 feet away from him at all times.

If he texts you, calculating the amount of time between all of his texts on average,

and then add 2, divided by 14, plus 3,

that's how much time you have to wait before actually hitting him.

And when the sun is equidistant from the equator on the line of Polaris,

make sure that you absolutely wear short shorts.

Personally, I like to be as direct as possible.

I like you!

And not everybody likes that, and that's fine!

You can just move on.

Trust me.

Somebody who only wants you because they can't have you is always going to be looking for the next best thing.

Babe, you've been on your phone this entire dinner, what are you doing?

Playing a game.

Babe, can you not play games while we're on a date?

Just give me like 2 more minutes.

(Sigh)

(Swiping on Tinder)

Yeah.

Plus, playing hard to get always feels like you're something to be gotten, right?

Like you're something to be shopped for.

We have an array of girlfriend models available, this is our best-seller, called "the Parents' Pleaser".

Made of organic wifey material and comes with the most upgraded cooking software.

If you're looking for something a little bit more on the wild side,

she has 2,500 spontaneous evenings downloaded into her as well as potentially dangerous advantures.

And a pension for aggressive bed play.

What about that one?

Ah apology, sir, that one is unfortunately sold out.

Well can't I just take the display model?

Well I suppose you could, would you like to know what she comes with?

No, I don't care.

Take my money.

Dating is hard enough as it is.

You're two people who come with your own set of baggage, trying to come together in this lasting emotionally supportive relationship

where you still maintain a physical attraction and regular intercourse with each other.

Like why would you add to that already complicated system by faking your feelings up front?

I'd like to take you to dinner on either the 8th or the 9th at 7pm.

Hmm, I've got classes those evenings.

How would Thursday the 11th work for you?

Brunch? Followed by the museum of modern arts.

Done and done.

I love a man who can keep up a schedule.

I love a woman who can plan.

Pencil me in.

I write in pen.

It worked with my boyfriend.

I mean I met him through mutual friends and I thought he was very cute.

And so... you guys remember the Facebook feature where you had to "ask" a person's relationship status?

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who's ever used that freakin' button.

But I asked it, he was single.

And I said, "Hey! You're Cute! I'd like to take you out to dinner. And it's my birthday so you can't say no."

And he didn't say no.

And that was two years ago.

So I encourage you, just for the realm of possible love in your life

to just throw away the games and give your heart.

I'm Anna Akana, stay awesome Gothem.